- HAPPY SEASON 11, EVERYBODY.
[cheers and applause]
IT'S A GOOD NUMBER.
THIS IS OUR FIRST SHOW OF OUR BRAND-NEW SEASON,
AND I HAVE A PROMISE FOR YOU RIGHT NOW.
RIGHT UP FRONT, I'M GONNA SAY IT.
THIS SEASON, I'M GONNA WORK IT WHILE I TWERK IT.
[cheers and applause]
I'M NOT GONNA DO IT.
AH, DID YOU HAVE A GOOD SUMMER, EVERYBODY?
GOOD SUMMER, YEAH?
GREAT.
WHAT DID YOU DO?
[laughter]
ALL RIGHT, MY TURN.
I HAD A GREAT SUMMER. I HAD A WONDERFUL SUMMER.
I'M REALLY HAPPY TO BE BACK, THOUGH.
BUT I GOT A LITTLE BIT OF SUN. I RELAXED.
I READ A LOT OF SANGRIA RECIPES.
AND I WENT TO TWO DIFFERENT WEDDINGS,
WHICH ARE ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL.
I LOVE WEDDINGS. MY BROTHER GOT MARRIED.
MY BROTHER, VANCE, GOT MARRIED,
AND THIS IS, UM, HIM.
THAT'S THEM.
WITH HIS BEAUTIFUL BRIDE,
AND IT WAS A SURPRISE FOR EVERYBODY,
BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR A LONG, LONG TIME.
LIKE, I DON'T KNOW-- 10, 12 YEARS.
SOMETHING LIKE THAT. A LONG TIME, SO...
I FORGET HER NAME, BUT SHE IS A LOVELY WOMAN.
STARTS WITH AN R OR A Q, BUT SHE IS SO SWEET.
SHE'S, UH--NO, IT'S JOANN, AND I LOVE JOANN,
SO SHE'S MY SISTER-IN-LAW, AND THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'M SO HAPPY FOR THEM, AND IT WAS FANTASTIC,
AND WE DANCED FOR HOURS ALL NIGHT LONG.
THIS IS A PHOTO I BROUGHT OF PORSH AND I DANCING.
AND IT WAS--I KNOW.
I KNOW.
I HAVE TO PHOTO CROP HER-- I DON'T KNOW WHO--
[laughter]
I DON'T KNOW WHO SHE IS.
BUT IT LOOKS ROMANTIC.
WE'RE ACTUALLY GOING, "DO I HAVE BROCCOLI IN MY TEETH?"
"NO, DO YOU HAVE"--
WE'RE LOOKING FOR BROCCOLI.
SO THAT WAS MY BROTHER'S WEDDING.
AND THEN WE WENT TO--
MY FRIEND JIMMY KIMMEL GOT MARRIED,
SO WE WENT TO JIMMY'S WEDDING.
[cheers and applause]
THEY GOT MARRIED THE SAME PLACE MY BROTHER GOT MARRIED.
THEY GOT MARRIED AT THE OJAI VALLEY INN.
AND THAT'S MOLLY, OF COURSE.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL PLACE, OJAI.
LET'S PAN OUT, IF WE CAN.
I'LL SHOW YOU HOW PRETTY IT IS.
OH, THERE SHE IS AGAIN.
HOW DID SHE GET--BOTH WEDDINGS. THAT'S CRAZY.
WE HAD A GREAT TIME AT THAT WEDDING AS WELL.
WE HUNG OUT WITH OUR FRIENDS JEN AND JUSTIN,
AND SO THEY WERE...
[cheers and applause]
NOW...
NOBODY WAS IMPRESSED. THAT WAS OUR TABLE CARD.
I PULLED IT OUT OF JEN'S EAR,
AND NO ONE WAS IMPRESSED AS I THOUGHT THEY WOULD'VE BEEN.
I WENT THE HAMPTONS, AND I HAD FUN IN THE HAMPTONS.
I DID SOME DANCING AND SOME SINGING.
HERE I AM WITH JAMIE FOXX AND PHARRELL RIGHT THERE.
[cheers and applause]
YEP.
THAT'S ME IN THE MIDDLE.
AND...
WE WERE SINGING PHARRELL'S HIT SONG "GET LUCKY."
AND THEY WERE ALL UP ALL NIGHT TO GET LUCKY.
I WENT TO BED AROUND 8:30, SO...
AND I ALSO--IT WAS A STAR-STUDDED SUMMER.
I HUNG OUT WITH OPRAH,
BECAUSE I MOVED INTO A NEIGHBORHOOD--
I'M RIGHT DOWN THE STREET FROM WHERE OPRAH LIVES,
AND SHE KNEW THAT I WAS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
SHE WAS SO NICE, SHE BROUGHT OVER A BEAUTIFUL BASKET
OF, LIKE, FRUITS AND VEGETABLES FROM HER GARDEN.
AND THAT'S HER BRINGING US--
AND I DON'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT OPRAH,
BUT WHEN I EMPTIED THE BASKET,
I FOUND A TRADER JOE'S RECEIPT AT THE BOTTOM.
SO I WAS LIKE, "OH, I WANT TO SEE THE GARDEN."
SHE GOES, "NOT TODAY."
I DON'T THINK SHE HAS A GARDEN.
IT'S GREAT TO BE FRIENDS WITH OPRAH, NEIGHBORS WITH OPRAH.
IT'S WONDERFUL.
ONE DAY SHE CAME OVER, SHE DID MY HAIR,
WHICH WAS REALLY SWEET OF HER, SO THANK YOU FOR THAT.
THANKS, OPRAH.
[cheers and applause]