- My name is Jordan, I am a trans non-binary model,
and today, we are going to be talking about
how I talk about my gender.
Everyone communicates in so many different ways
that it's actually like very empathetic, I think,
to match where someone is at.
If I'm talking to a cis person,
if I'm talking to a trans person,
if I'm talking to a little kid, it really just depends.
When I'm on set as a model,
I usually have to pose super like demure
and I have to, you know, accentuate my curves.
Also a lot of times on set,
most of the time I get misgendered.
Just because of like the industry, where it is,
and how we view professionalism,
I usually don't feel super comfortable correcting people
and I just won't say anything.
When this is happening, I usually act more closed off,
more timid, because it's super uncomfortable for me.
I don't always have the capacity
to correct people in that moment
because I'm there to do a job
and unfortunately it's not always
a safe working environment.
Whereas when I'm by myself and I'm taking a selfie
or taking pictures with my friends,
it's a totally different vibe
because when I'm taking pictures with my friends,
I'm usually the one driving the train.
I get to be more masculine, more myself,
really like exist fully in my gender
and I don't have to feel like forced or constrained
to be this version that isn't myself.
Another example would be the way that I talk about my gender
to cis people versus trans people.
So for cis people,
I'm going to use a lot more binary language.
I'm gonna use words like masculine and feminine.
A lot of times I really have to focus
on conveying what I need to convey
in a way that they will understand.
I am a trans masculine non-binary person,
which means that I'm not a girl,
so you can use he/him or they/them pronouns for me,
whichever is easier for you, just not she/her.
When I'm talking to other trans people about gender,
I'm usually talking more about my own experiences
and less about describing what it means to be trans
or having to really hit home, like my pronouns,
or that I'm not my assigned gender at birth.
Sometimes I feel like my gender is like a puddle.
Do you ever feel this way?
A lot of times growing up,
I really felt like I was like a alien
like beamed down from Mars.
When you're talking to kids,
obviously you want to use language that they understand.
So you know how some people are boys
and some people are girls?
Well, there's also people who don't feel like either
and sometimes people feel like they're both.
It's kind of like how
there are so many animals in the world, right?
You know, some people might feel like a giraffe
and some people might like a horse.
I sometimes feel like a jellyfish.
When I'm misgendered online,
I usually am very straight to the point
because my pronouns are in my bio.
And especially if someone is following me,
there's no reason they should be misgendering me.
Asserting my gender in real life
after I've been misgendered is very different
because I just like start to have all these questions.
Like, did they know that they misgendered me?
Did they forget? Do I correct them?
I literally don't know. I just don't know.
Either way, no matter the answer to these questions,
I have to self-soothe because it's honestly very traumatic
to be misgendered.
People will say, "Don't take it personally,"
but it's personal.
They are making this mistake on some level
because of how they perceive me,
which means that there is a disconnect
in like how I am either presenting myself
or definitely how I'm perceiving myself
and how they're perceiving me, which is painful.
One example would be the different ways
that we come out to people as queer or trans.
Online, for instance, we put our pronouns in our bios
if that feels comfortable to you.
For me, I think that's the easiest type of coming out.
I'm not really explaining my identity at all.
It's just my pronouns.
It's the way that you refer to me and that's it.
And then there's coming out at work or school.
If you're in a trans friendly environment,
a lot of times people will go around the room
saying their names and pronouns.
Hey, my name's Jordan and I use they/he pronouns.
It can go either way.
It can either be nice or it can be really awkward
if you're not in a safe environment.
Honestly, if it's not a safe environment,
I'd usually rather not be put on the spot to say it
and just let people assume
what they're gonna assume about me,
because it can be really painful
to have to share that information with people
that you know are not going to treat you properly.
And this is how I came out to my mom.
Hello, I have something that I want to tell you,
which is that I am going to start using they/them pronouns.
It went pretty good.
It took her a while to get used to it,
but I really appreciated how much she tried.
I came out so slowly where like I was like dropping hints,
like left and right for so long
before I actually like made the decision
to officially come out to her.
Coming out to a parent is really scary
even if you think that they're going to be accepting.
As you've seen,
I use a lot of different ways when talking about my gender.
Sometimes I'm a jellyfish.
Sometimes I'm an alien.
Sometimes I am more masc, sometimes I'm more femme,
sometimes I'm not using gendered language at all.
Sometimes I am really firm and assertive
and sometimes I am more reserved
and don't say anything at all,
but which one is the real me?
(triumphant music)
They're all the real me.
It's okay to make connections with people
and to really foster relationships with people
that you feel like you can be your true self around.
And to any kids out there
who might feel more like a jellyfish, that's okay.
You have a community of jellyfish out here waiting for you.
(upbeat music)