Help, I'm in a low sex or no sex marriage, part four.
Hey, welcome to today's little lesson.
We're having a good time talking about what to do if you're in a low sex or no sex marriage.
This is number four.
So if you're just seeing this one first of all, well, you missed the first three, so
stop and go look at the other three, because we're building time by time.
If you just watch this one, it's not going to make as much sense as if you watch the
other three, okay?
So we're talking first of all to husbands finding themselves in the low sex, no sex
marriage, because husbands are the most likely ones to find that.
Husbands are more likely to be sexually dissatisfied than their wives, stronger sex drive, at least
in their minds.
Okay, so talked last time about how to get that slow cooker burning and I'm not going
to reiterate all that.
I did close with this kind of generalized statement, and I'm going to say it again,
but with a disclaimer.
There's no such thing as frigid wives, just bumbling husbands.
Husbands, just be humble and accept that, that you can learn what it's going to take
to get your wife more interested in what you're more interested in, okay?
And that is an overgeneralization, so let me cover one thing that might not fit into
that generalization.
There are some women, God bless them, who, because of how they were raised, have their
misgivings and their innate resistance towards sex.
Because they were taught lies about it or they had wrong information very young or they
suffered some kind of sexual abuse that was very evil and wrong and that does something
to their hearts and their minds.
And we all are products of what we've experienced.
But I'm happy to tell you, if you're a follower of Christ, he can help you break through and
get over the past effects that have scarred your heart and your mind and so forth.
And it's certainly true in the sexual realm.
But husbands, if you've got a wife who's scarred like that, then you're going to have to be
extra patient, extra tender.
And slowly, you can help your wife by looking at the scripture and by talking and by communicating
and by being that husband that God wants you to be, loving your wife as Christ loves us.
Because Jesus is very patient with the church and he gave us his word.
So you got the same tools there, the patience of Christ with your wife, and take her to
the scriptures.
So you could look at I Corinthians 7:5 or, we made this very clear in our very first
episode here, four episodes ago, that it's not God's will to have a low sex or no sex
marriage, I Corinthians chapter seven, verse five, and a whole lot of other verses in the
bible, okay, but that one makes it so clear.
And she's going to struggle, because that doesn't just erase her past, right?
So then you take her to the Song of Solomon and all those juicy passages there, to show
that, "Hey, this is in the bible," and so sex inherently isn't ... There's nothing wrong
or dirty or evil or bad or displeasing to God about it at all.
He gave it as a gift to us to be kept within certain parameters.
Unfortunately, you suffered outside those parameters because of whatever, someone misinformed
you, somebody scarred you by abusing you or something, but God is able to help you reorient
your mind so that you can see this differently."
So you're encouraging her.
And again, people don't just get it the first time, need to be re-affirmed and loved and
lots of patience.
I feel so sorry for those kids who are raised in the Christian homes, the very strict Christian
homes, when the first time mom or dad discovers little Johnny or little Jane rubbing himself
or herself in the area that they just happened to discover, "Oh my goodness, that really
feels good."
Little tiny kids, every little kid, sooner or later, discovers this, right?
I feel so sorry for those kids where mom or dad grabbed their hand and slapped it and
said, "Don't touch that part of your body.
That's bad and that makes Jesus very angry."
Well, you just won the prize for stupid.
What you should have done is said, when you found your kid, your little kid, in the bathtub,
taking a bath, rubbing themselves, you should have said, "Does that feel good?
Oh my goodness, that really feels good.
Well, you don't even know the half of how much God loves you yet.
And when you get married, you're going to discover something about that."
Just leave it at that, and so forth.
But you're affirming something that God has made.
Because it's God who put those nerves in those little bodies.
Oh, I think of those people, this female genital mutilation in parts of where the dark ages,
actually, it's darker than even the dark ages, where they're slicing off parts of little
girls bodies when they reach puberty, in order to prevent promiscuity or something and to
deny them pleasure and so forth.
That is so evil and perverse.
But it's just a step away, a pretty large step away, but it's step away from the Christian
parents who are slapping their kids' hand saying, "That's evil.
Don't ever touch yourself in that part of your body."
No, better to say, "Hey, God is a wonderful God.
Man, he made our bodies, we get to taste things, we get to smell things, we get to hear things.
Those parts right there, they're special parts.
Those parts, well, they got different purposes.
Really, it's for later on when you get married and so forth, but yeah, isn't that cool?
That's cool.
Yeah."
And so you're not putting something into their tiny little brains that's going to stick with
them all the way until they get married and then hinder their marriage.
Lord have mercy.
Husbands, if you're married to one of those poor women who had her hand slapped when she
was little or heard some fiery sermon that talked about the evils of sex and so forth
and it had no context of marriage and so forth, oh my goodness ... Well, it's a being transformed
by the renewing of your mind issue.
Period.
Like everything else, any other hangup you would have in the Christian life, any other
baggage that you bring with you in the Christian life, when you have this old way of thinking
and it's not biblical, the solution is always to be transformed by the renewing of your
mind.
So there's so much about sex in the bible and of course, just in natural theology.
That is what God has revealed to everybody.
He's got animals having sex, birds do it, bees do it, even flowers and trees do it,
as the song goes.
And so there's a lot of information, sex is from God.
Part of the reason ... Those theologians who are telling us it's only for procreation,
they also win a prize for stupid.
That's not true.
It's for procreation, but even more, it's for pleasure.
Because there's more pleasure going on than procreation going on, most of the time.
Women can't even conceive, but just, for a short time every single month, but you can
have sex just about any time.
After menopause, come on, you can still have pleasure, but you can't procreate.
So sex is a gift from God for fun.
When Paul wrote, "God has given us all things richly, to enjoy," no doubt that was one of
the things on his list.
All right.
Enough said for today.
I got more to say next time, though.
I still got more ... I got one more big thing to say to husbands, okay, in part five of
this series of little lessons.
I'm going to actually maybe talk to the wives, if I get enough nerve.
All right.
Hope to see you next time.
Bye bye.