Everyone has insecurities of some sort. Most of the time,
they stem from something that happened in childhood, or
perhaps from a traumatic, either big T or a little T, event that
happened later in life. And these insecurities can present
themselves in many different ways. In this video, I'm going
to share with you some ways that your husband may be insecure.
Spoiler alert, he is because all of us are insecure about
something. But I will share some common ways that this presents
in men and what you can do to help your husband feel more
secure. And be sure that you stick around until the end of
the video because I'm going to give you access to a free
mini-course that will teach you even more about how to make your
relationship with your husband better. Like and subscribe to
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you.
I'm going to start with the next points. But real quick, leave a
comment and tell me what your husband is doing right now that
is showing you that he's insecure. And how have you
responded to it so far? Hopefully, by the end of this
video, you'll have some new tools to help him feel more
secure in who he is as a man and as your husband. So, what is
insecurity? The American Psychological Association
reports that insecurity is multifaceted. It pertains to an
overall sense of uncertainty or anxiety about your worth,
abilities, skills, and value as a person conveying the message
that you're at risk or in danger of losing something or someone.
It has a negative impact on your physical, mental, and emotional
state. And without that security that you're looking for, it
makes you feel like you can't live up to your fullest
potential. So here are some symptoms of insecurity. One: an
overriding feeling of inadequacy, a lack of feeling
self-confidence, self-esteem, or self-worth, like you're unable
or ill equipped to cope with stressors, generally uncertain
about the world, or anxious about your relationships with
others. In generalities, insecurity can present itself in
behaviors that are either others-focused or
others-avoidant.
So here are some ways that insecurity can present in men.
One is people-pleasing or avoiding conflict, saying yes to
anything and everything. It's one thing to want to serve
others in this way and have the motivation of service and
knowing when to stop versus doing it to get approval or
love; being a people pleaser. Another way is pining for other
people's attention or approval. Asking either explicitly or
implicitly, what do you think of me. Or talking down about
oneself in order for others to build them back up. It also
looks like consistently looking for validation in word or action
from others. Someone may send multiple text messages to people
telling them how much they mean to them in hopes to get a
positive response back. That's a sign of insecurity or
overworking in order to gain praise at work. Making excessive
phone calls or over-sharing information with friends could
also be a way that someone is trying to gain security from
others. Or even touting your own success so others will feel
intimidated or impressed by you is still that effort of looking
to another person to validate your emotions. It's still that
others-focused insecurity. At its most unhealthy,
others-focused insecurity can even look like multiple affairs,
multiple sexual partners, flirting consistently with other
women, all of that can fall into that. So, those are some ways
that insecurity behaviors can be others-focused.
Here's how they can be others-avoidant: a wall of
protection that you're looking to build around yourself,
constantly disagreeing with other people, feeling a strong
need to be right in everything that you say, even getting
small, physically beginning to cower down, disconnecting eye
contact, removing yourself from physical touch, always being
defensive, being distrusting, constantly checking other
people's phones or social media, or even becoming closed off
sexually or intimately. These are just some examples of what
insecurity can look like. And, at its core, insecurity is built
on a negative self-belief that I am not good enough. And either
the person is going to turn outward to seek feeling good
enough or turn inward, to protect themselves from not
feeling good enough. So here's what not to do when your husband
is insecure. You do not point out their insecurities to them.
This is not to say that you act like nothing is happening. But
you don't want to approach your husband and say, I realize now
that when you go out of your way to ask me what I think about
you, and what you did and what others thought about you at that
party, it's really coming from your insecurities.
Or you don't say, because of how defensive you are, it's because
you're insecure. It's like Big Bang Theory; if any of you know
that show, Leonard's mom, she's completely a terrible mother,
right? Like she has no empathy. She's completely disconnected.
She psychoanalyzing everything. That's not how you want to come
across in this situation. You simply want to take what you are
learning what you're learning here in this video and
realizing, oh, there's something deeper going on, which is
probably the reason my husband is acting the way that he is.
And I'll share what to do in just a minute. But the other
thing is, you don't want to use their insecurities as a way to
hurt them or manipulate them. It can be tempting to realize that
your husband may be sexually insecure, for example, and in
the heat of an argument, throw that back in his face. Or to
realize that your husband is a people-pleaser and want to milk
that to your advantage. Don't do that. This is an opportunity for
you as his wife to lean in and to support him. Do not allow the
insecurities to run your life, especially for some of the more
distancing ways that insecurity can present, like flirting with
other women. That doesn't mean your husband gets a free pass
because of his insecurities. You have to deal with the core
issue, and you can't fix your husband. You cannot make him
feel secure, but you can do the following.
Number one, you can respond with empathy. Your goal should be to
get your husband to open up about how he is feeling. When
Rob was going through crazy stressful times at work, lots of
transition and pressure was put on him. He felt insecure because
of the things that had happened at work, and he didn't feel good
enough. How did that present in our marriage: angry, defensive,
pulling away protecting himself; he was others-avoidant. Instead
of leaning in and saying to my husband, you're insecure right
now, which would have made it worse. I had to realize that
number one; this wasn't about me. And number two, the best
thing I could do is respond with empathy, saying, I am so sorry
that you're going through what you're going through right now,
and I know it must be hard. How can I support you? If you have a
husband who was overly anxious and others-focused, you may want
to say I noticed that you seem to be running yourself crazy
trying to do things for others. Is everything okay? Is there
anything I can do to help you? Offer opportunities for your
spouse to open up to you and to get to the bottom of their
insecurities. You can do this by being a safe place. And over
time, your spouse should hopefully begin to trust you and
open up to you about what is really happening. And when they
do, that's when you get to respond with care. Listen, don't
try to fix, don't try to correct them or tell them what they need
to do. Just listen; lean in. This builds trust because, at
the end of the day, the most important thing is that your
husband realizes that you will be there for him, no matter
what.
That can help him begin moving from insecurity to security by
showing that you are a secure place. This is just scratching
the surface to the entire process of how to have a strong
and healthy marriage. But I will teach you more about what you
can do to stop fighting and start connecting physically and
intimately in the free mini-course How To Get Your
Spouse To Fall Back In Love With You. No matter how long you've
been married or how in love you are, falling in love is a daily
process. And in this mini-course, you will learn the
process of falling in love and what you can start doing today
to have a better marriage. And the things you learn will also
help you in learning how you can help your husband feel more
secure. If you want to learn how to decrease your own
insecurities and increase confidence, then click the video
on the screen to watch the next video about PIES that goes more
in-depth about the four areas of attraction: physical,
intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. So, get that free
mini-course, and I'll see you in the next video.