Asian-american writer Amy Tan had a difficult relationship with her mother, Daisy
At one point Daisy held a knife to her throat and threatened to kill her when the two of them argued over Amy's new boyfriend
Daisy would often threaten to kill herself and attempted suicide once but failed hoping to join her mother who died committing suicide
Amy tan grew up with a neurotic toxic relationship with her mother that was life threatening and traumatizing
What's scary about toxic relationships is that the signs aren't always clearly visible
in fact
Some girls don't realize they have an unhealthy bond with their mothers until they are older or in some cases when it's too late
Has there always been a subtle tension between you and your mother, but you're not sure
Why do you often feel afraid of your mother? Here's six types of unhealthy mother-daughter relationships
One: Bosom Buddies
This is when the mother is more concerned about being her daughter's best friend more than playing the role of a parent
the mother knows every little detail about her daughter's life and although she offers great emotional support as her daughter gets older and wants to
Branch out and do independent activities. The mother will continue to smother her in this type of relationship
The daughter rarely gets disciplined by her mother and has a hard time building practical life skills because she wasn't given the proper guidance
Two: Boss and Subordinate
This is when the mother wants to control and dominate her daughter's life
The mother is often very demanding rigid close minded and expects the daughter to follow her rules and expectations
She typically lacks empathy and puts pressure on her daughter to perform well
The daughter often feels as though she has to be perfect to win her mother's approval
She also suffers from low self-esteem problems and fears being rejected or judged harshly by others as the daughter gets older
She will grow resentful of her mother and will typically rebel whether it's done loudly or quietly
Three: Rivals. In this relationship the mother sees her daughter as a rival or threat
Although the mother may seem as though she's supportive of her daughter on the inside
she feels insecure about herself when she's with her. The mother constantly compares herself to her daughter to see who is prettier, thinner
smarter and more successful rather than developing a relationship based on understanding and acceptance
the daughter usually feels internally conflicted and unworthy
Four: The Role Reversal Relationship
This is when the mother expects her daughter to play the role of a parent and be there to support her
This relationship is one-sided and the daughter feels abandoned, used and neglected
The mother is only concerned about her own needs and makes sure she's the one being nurtured by her daughter
At a young age
the daughter learned that she must sacrifice herself and put others first. As she gets older she often suffers from low self-esteem
issues and has a hard time saying no and setting healthy boundaries for herself
Five: The Ghost. In this relationship the mother can either be emotionally and or physically
unavailable to her daughter. If the mother is emotionally unavailable
She may choose to withdraw or withhold love from her daughter and give it to her other child. If the mother decides to ghost
She leaves and gives her daughter up to either her other
biological parent or another guardian who can take care of her
The daughter usually doesn't receive an explanation or closure for why her mother left and usually grows up with an empty void
Six: Good Mom/Bad Mom. This is an erratic relationship between the mother and daughter
The daughter never knows whether the bad mom or good mom will show up
She often faces hot and cold treatment from her and fears her mom
The mother usually acts good when they are out in public and there are others around them
She displays kind behavior, smiles and pretends to care for her daughter
But when it's just the two of them the mother will show her true colors and acts dismissive
neglectful and cold. In this relationship
the mother only wants to put up a good image when she has to and fails to connect with her daughter
Which type of unhealthy mother-daughter relationship do you resonate with?
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