- Today we're sharing.
- Our drunk. - Horror stories.
(lightning crashes) (wind howls)
- One summer, I was living in Japan for a couple months.
One weekend we went to the party district in Tokyo
called Roppongi.
There was a great deal at the bar that we went to
where it's like, pay 1000 Yen
which comes out to under nine dollars,
and you get to drink all you wanna drink.
So we did that,
and conga lines ensued. (upbeat party music)
We ended up (train whistles)
trying to make the train back
because it was (bell dings)
the last train that was leaving Tokyo
to head back home.
Drunkenly, three of us were running
trying to catch the train, and I'm like,
"I can't find my MetroCard."
I'm just crying, (woman cries)
I'm just in a fit of rage.
All of a sudden my friends are like,
"What are we gonna do?"
and they look around at me and I'm like,
"Hey guys, look what I found."
It's my MetroCard, and they were like,
"The train left already."
So we ended up staying the entire night
out on the streets of Tokyo.
I proceeded to sleepwalk in and out of sleep
because I was pretty drunk.
We hung out by a dumpster and were singing camp songs,
and hung out at a McDonald's at one point
and were eating burgers.
At one point this guy ran into me.
- [Man] Hey! - He turned back
and wanted to fight, and I just was like, "Ehh."
(laughs)
Then I pretty much just came to
as we're walking the streets
at like maybe 5:00 a.m.
We all ended up taking the train ride
back home at like 5:30.
If I could talk to myself back then,
I would probably tell myself to pace myself.
- So, my drunk horror story is
when I was a senior in college,
halfway through the semester,
my boyfriend of almost two years
broke up with me, (glass shatters)
so I went to this party (upbeat party music)
in a basement, as one does.
It was some DJ set, and I remember getting there
and I was already drunk.
I brought a big purse, and in my purse
I had a six-pack of tall boy Narragansetts
in my bag, which are cheap New England beer.
Yeah anyway I was drinking, and I was dancing,
and I was talking to all these people.
Basically, I guess, I came to
when we were leaving the party,
I puked (man vomits)
all over the (sings) kitchen
of the (sings) party.
Then we got in a cab and I went home,
and my friend just let me stay at her place.
The only things that I remember
are basically these pictures
(camera shutter snaps) that I have on my phone.
One of my friends took my phone
and then she was taking pictures.
I just looked drunk.
I have never looked so drunk in my entire life.
My hair was up, but it was falling out.
My makeup was all over my face.
I was happy, but it was awful,
and then I woke up and I felt really guilty and awful
and it was one of the worst hangovers of my life.
Basically, here's the thing kids,
drink responsibly every time,
and don't drink six tall boys.
Maybe max two.
- My first time I got drunk is probably the horror story.
So, one of my co-workers was having a birthday party.
I lived in the North Bronx, (bell dings)
and she lived all the way in Far Rockaway in Brooklyn.
Now, that's like two separate sides of the earth.
First I went to my friend in Harlem's house
and we got thot juice.
Now thot juice is another term for wine coolers,
or that's what we used to call it back in my day.
We drank some of those, and then we went to Far Rockaway,
and that's when everything started to get blurry.
So we get there, and I immediately started drinking
and I had no idea what I was drinking.
So then everyone's dancing on the dance floor.
I already don't know how to dance.
I'm all up against the wall, falling down,
and everyone is laughing at me.
I guess my friends think (laughs)
I'm a little bit out of control and we need to leave,
and I thought maybe we need to leave too,
because I had work
at 5:30 a.m. the next morning. (alarm clock rings)
We're leaving, all I remember was
I was cursing out guys, dudes, in Brooklyn,
and it's just me and two girls.
Then we get to the train station.
I can't even go up the stairs.
I'm throwing up all over myself
(man vomits) when we're trying to
go up the stairs.
Then, we're on the train, I won't sit down.
I keep yelling at strangers,
and then we had to transfer, because my friends were afraid.
So we get to my friend's house in Harlem.
At this point, I'm pretty sure
it's gotta be 5:00, 5:30 a.m.,
and she calls in sick for me at work.
Tells the manager I'm sick.
I can hear the manager (man squawks loudly)
yelling at her through the phone.
The next thing I remember is waking up.
I felt something.
I felt something in my pants.
(sighs)
I had (beep) myself.
What I did was take those pants,
basically used it as a towel to clean myself up,
and then I put on my work pants and decided to go to work
even though I had already called in sick.
I'm about to clock in, and my manager
is cursing me out (man squawks loudly)
in front of everybody.
I basically just went through the motions
of walking right of work, I hopped on the train,
so I go home,
and then I get a text message (phone buzzes)
asking me to come into work (laughs) to do a closing shift.
(laughs)
All right, if I was talking to the Asia
who got that drunk, I would say,
"Listen, I really need you to care more about your safety."
(jaunty upbeat music)