♪
After the sudden and tragic death of their lead singer,
the future of it-band, The Plateaus, remains uncertain.
He was the Bono to my Cher,
so this is indeed a Sonny Bloody Sunday.
My life began as my mother's ended,
so I'm used to death.
I don't need a band leader just like I don't need a father,
rest in peace, out.
And in other music news, Kiss Me I'm Stylish
blow up the charts with their new single.
♪ [upbeat music]
♪ ♪
If we kill this show,
Sam Robert will definitely sign us to his label.
And it'll be next stop, money store.
Yeah, the bank!
And the stop after that? Fame house.
That's pronounced famous.
And then the stop after that, celebrity sex village.
Normally, trains just stop at stations,
but I see where you're going with it, and I find it funny.
Oh man, I prayed so hard for this,
and now it's all finally happening.
I love you guys, and I love Our Lord God,
and I love the power of prayer, and I love rock and roll--
I love being in band,
I love closing doors, I love holding this guitar,
I love walking in the street.
Wait a second, now that Somerset is gone,
am I still sworn to silence onstage?
Beats, not bleats, silent goat in my throat?
Yes, as band leader, I think it's best
that Tryke and I handle the banter.
Oh, quick note. As boy band leader,
I'll handle the backstage babes.
Okay, quick note, as girl band leader,
I will handy the backstage boys.
Okay, last note, I'll handle the backstage beagles.
[laughs] They're cute little dogs.
[laughs awkwardly] Oh, okay.
Okay, band hands.
[grunts]
Nothing can stop us!
♪ [rock music]
♪
Whoa, whoa, I cancelled your set.
Oh, heck!
Well, we tried. Let's go, guys.
Sorry. You know, when I heard the news,
I booked Kiss Me I'm Stylish instead.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Nobody replaces Morgan Freeman,
especially not with those bitch queefs.
So we will be playing the show tonight,
whether you like it or not.
Mm hmm.
All right.
Don't forget to tinkle before we play, okay?
I'm not a baby. I know about peeing.
Oh, no!
♪ [tense music]
Well, well, well, if it isn't our old friends,
the Played-out-toes.
More like, Don't Kiss me, I'm Styled-less.
More like you're boring and fake, the Plat Fauxs.
More like you could be the host of a show
called
You fucking white trash carrot monster,
you'd better watch your mouth.
I will crush you under the weight of my movie money!
Oh, well thanks! I'll use this movie money
to buy your DVDs and leave you poor user reviews on Amazon,
you huge idiot!
Both: [screaming] Aaarrrggghhhh!
Nice outfit!
It actually looks really good on you.
Thank you, that's really sweet.
We are playing the show tonight.
Of course!
That's what you were scheduled to do.
Mm hmm.
Also, your hair has fantastic volume.
We should hang out. I think we'd be excellent friends.
Yeah, probably right.
I know.
Whatever!
Oh, I thought we were going to have a drum-off.
My bad, I thought this was going to be a knife fight.
It's perfectly understandable.
So--
♪ [drumming]
One, two, one, two!
I'm a fucking rock star!
I run a huge as fuck record label.
And now I'm the owner of the world's first
premium cheese bar!
That's right, motherfuckers!
Bro, listen, this is local, organic cheese
that we flew across the fucking planet
to steep in the sweet stench of greatness,
just as you all suck in the sweet stink of Sam Robert.
Fuck yeah!
Who wants to sleep with me? Everyone, right?
Shut up! Everyone.
Let's get this party started!
Introduce band and cut cheese, exit.
[chainsaw revs]
Oh yeah!
[chainsaw revs]
♪ ♪
Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for The Plateaus!
[applause]
[coughing]
Oh, uh, hi. I'm Somer--I'm Tryke,
and we're The Plateaus to have fun with you tonight!
Uh, we're leaner and meaner, but hopefully not greener,
because it would be pretty hard to play
if we were sick and barfing, right?
Even though we are sick, like cool.
But not green like inexperienced,
because we do actually have experience playing music.
It's--I mean it's like anything really.
Well, you know, I think what Tryke is trying to say--
is that-- is that my voice?
Is that what my voice sounds like?
Hello.
Hello, hello, hello.
Oh, it's so weird.
You guys should really try this some time.
It's really-- it's really strange.
I don't like it.
[hushed] Davian just--
[muffled] Four, two, three.
♪ ♪
[electric buzzing]
♪ ♪
[electronic buzzing]
[breathily] Ha, ha.
♪ ♪
[breathily] Ha.
♪ [muffled]
♪ ♪
Ha, ha.
♪ ♪
♪ [instrumental]
[clapping]
♪ ♪
(background vocals) ♪
♪
♪ ♪
♪
[electronic buzzing]
♪ [uncoordinated instrumental]
[Stanley screams]
Well, maybe it was just my voice missing,
but it felt like something else was missing.
Yeah, it was Somerset.
He never let us showcase our talents
and now we don't have any!
We should have cancelled the show.
Always go with your gut.
Yeah, go with your goat. Didn't work for me neither.
We really should have thought that through.
I mean we only have one song.
I don't think we can do this on our own.
Oh my goodness, The Plateaus!
It's me, the pal with the paws.
You don't-- you don't remember me?
Oh, let's play the name game.
I'm a black and white animal, go.
Cow? Zebra?
Nope.
-No.
-Skunk? -Penguin?
No.
-Siberian Tiger?
Ostrich?
-Panda?
Most cats?
Okay, there's more than I realized.
Okay, look, we're in the middle of a band crisis,
so would you please stop badgering us so we can get--
Yes, badger, that's it!
Davian:
I was going to say old-time prison inmate.
[metal dropping]
I want to be your band butler.
I want to buttle the band.
Well, Roger, you're a little late for that, okay?
So vamoose!
Morgan:
Tryke:
All: One, two--
Whoop, there you are, my beautiful children of song.
Lend me your ear for it is now my turn to beat your drum.
I like drums.
You were spectacular tonight, a real whiz bang of a time.
But something was missing.
We know that.
Man. Age.
Mint.
Perhaps a fresh, older gentleman's delicate connection
to infinite success, and beyond.
Yes, you were hot tonight, but with my help
you could be on fire!
Oh, ho, ho.
♪ [enlightening]
Nice.
Please find me before your opportunity
goes up in smoke!
Smoke!
A little smoke.
[door slams]
Jimp:
"for to sip from the chalice of success, plus wine.
Location, +43.7013373 minus 79.60894180000003."
I'm back in the band! Yeah!
Yeah!
♪ ♪
♪ [tense music]