- Today we're tasting notes of non-alcoholic wine.
- Let's talk about that.
(lively music)
Good Mythical Morning.
- Alright.
We're still getting into the New Year,
which means that resolutions are still in play--
- Ah, yes, they are. - at this point.
- Well, here's the thing.
Most people don't keep their resolutions, Link,
and that's what Dry January is for,
'cause all you gotta do is make it through January.
- It's a good resolution,
because it's a resolution that only lasts
as long as people care about resolutions.
- Yeah. A month. - And now,
are you doing dry January?
- No, but I am today. (chuckling)
- What, you mean during this episode?
- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah.
I'm doing Dry January for this episode as well.
We're gonna be tasting some non-alcoholic wines.
Now, we've tasted non-alcoholic liquors in the past.
We're gonna go in the wine direction today,
to help you out
if you're in that Dry January scarichary.
- Yeah. Dry January territory.
- It's time for,
(big band music)
It's Virgin Win O'clock Somewhere Here.
As you can see, we can't.
- And welcome back the helmet flavor taster.
- I'm so glad it's back.
- HFT 3.0 for 2023.
- Dude, I'm just gonna be honest.
I hate this thing.
- Yep.
You've let all of us know that many times.
- I mean, why do I look like so short and shrimpy,
like I'm being pushed down?
I don't like being attached to you.
- That's very clear.
You think I like being attached to you?
I just don't talk about it as much. (laughing)
- [Stevie] Okay, here is how this is gonna work.
The Mythical crew has tracked down some
of the best selling non-alcoholic wines on the market,
which all claim to taste like
their fully alcoholic counterparts.
- We'll see about that. - We will.
Well, we won't see. We'll taste.
- [Stevie] You're gonna be served these booze-free wines
through those booze-free booze tubes
and then guess what kind of wine each is.
You'll also have two life vines each--
- Oh, that's cute. - Yeah, yeah.
In which you may taste any alcoholic wine type
of your choosing, to help you make a more informed guess.
- Alright.
- [Stevie] Points will escalate each round,
and the winner will get to drink their favorite beverage
from the world's biggest wine glass.
- So maybe by the end of this,
I'll have an attitude adjustment about this helmet.
(fanfare blaring)
- [Stevie] Okay, now before Chase pours your first sippies--
- What up, Chase?
- [Stevie] I wanna remind you of your options here.
It could be a Cabernet Sauvignon,
Merlot, Prosecco, Moscato,
Chardonnay, Sparkling Rose,
or Sauvignon Blanc, or Pinot Noir.
I was so concentrated on saying Sauvignon
that I almost missed Pinot,
Pinot! (laughing).
(crew laughing)
- Pinot! - Pee-not!
This is not a dry episode for me, let me just say.
Alright, Chase, let's taste it.
- You got it, Stevie.
- Ah, ha ha ha.
- Oh man.
Are you, are you still locked off?
- I'm locked off, and now opening it up.
- Okay.
- [Chase] There you go.
- Mm!
- Mm, mm, mm.
Ho, ha, ho!
(both smacking lips)
Good gracious.
- When I opened it up,
I got a lot of wine air in my mouth first.
- Wow. That's fruity.
(both slurping)
- Yeah.
You know what I just realized?
Non-alcoholic wine is just freaking grape juice.
- It just tastes like juice.
- What the heck?
- It has no bite to it at all.
So now I just don't know.
- I'm just tasting grape juice over here.
- That was just straight up Welch's.
(slurping) (crew laughing)
Stevie, could you quickly review the options?
- [Stevie] Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Prosecco, Moscato,
Chardonnay, Sparkling Rose, Sauvignon Blanc, and Pinot Noir.
- Okay.
- [Stevie] Here we go.
Three, two, one.
- Moscato. - Moscato.
- Oh, see. That's what I was thinking.
- It's so sweet, and I know that's a super-sweet wine.
- I mean, it was like, it tasted like apple juice to me.
- Yeah.
- [Stevie] Interesting.
So you both don't taste like--
- Okay. Okay.
Can we get a second guess?
(crew laughing)
- [Stevie] Three, two, one.
- Prosecco. - Sauvignon Blanc.
(crew laughing)
- [Stevie] Okay.
You can go ahead and take your blindfolds off.
- Oh, what was that noise?
- I think that was my neck.
- I can't. (grunting)
I got, oh!
- [Stevie] Or maybe you can't do it. (chuckling)
(crew laughing)
- I need a hand, because I literally...
- [Stevie] Okay.
- I have so much of this wine in here.
- I funking hate this thing!
Just hold up the tube, if you would,
'cause I don't want that,
I don't want wine on my...
- It's Sparkling.
I thought it might be Sparkling,
but it didn't taste like a Rose at all.
- [Stevie] Well, this non-alcoholic wine
is produced by Pierre Chavin Winery in France,
and contains floral and fruity aromas
of currents and raspberries.
It's a Sparkling Rose.
- Yeah. Okay. - What?
- The reason I went with Prosecco the second time
is 'cause Prosecco is sparkling.
- [Stevie] Yeah. Yeah.
It's good guess.
- It's fruitier.
It's definitely fruitier than a Prosecco.
- It's great for the children, I guess,
'cause it tastes just like-- - Give that to the kids.
- apple juice to me.
(fanfare blaring)
- [Stevie] Okay, guys,
and as you're going about this,
just keep in mind which ones you like more
than the other ones,
'cause we're gonna do
an informal ranking of sorts, you know?
- I didn't dislike the first one.
- Taste like Welch's. - Yeah.
(crew laughing)
- [Stevie] Okay, Chase, please, if you will.
- Thank you.
(wine gurgling down tube)
- Sounds like he did.
- Sounds like he is.
- [Chase] I was.
I didn't do that.
- I got it all over myself.
I don't know where that came from.
Did it come outta my valve?
- Now, this one tastes more like wine than the last one.
It's less juicy, it's less fruity.
- It's still a little fruity, though.
- It's a little fruity, but it's definitely drier.
It's very weak, though.
It's weak-bodied. - Weak-bodied.
- As opposed to full-bodied.
- Weak-bodied boys.
- Kinda like me this month, man.
I just feel so dagnab weak-bodied.
- Dagummit, I think I got the answer.
- I don't love this one as much as the juicy juice,
but, alright, I'm ready.
- [Stevie] Three, two, one.
- Moscato. - Sauvignon Blanc.
- [Stevie] Okay. Your guesses have been registered.
You may take off your blindfolds.
- That's all we get, is our registered guesses?
- [Stevie] I don't understand what that means.
- Well, we're both wrong, because it's a red wine.
- Oh gosh, you have so much red wine on you.
- But you know,
now that I see it--
- That is a weak freaking red wine.
- I know what it is.
- [Stevie] Okay, well, that's not how the game's played.
- It's Pinot Noir.
- [Stevie] No. (crew laughing)
This is from Ariel Vineyards,
and it offers aromas of black currants,
cherries, blueberries and chocolate,
with soft tannins and a dry finish.
Pairs well with Manchego, Carne Asada,
Texas chili, woodfire Pizza.
And it's an oak-aged Cab.
- No, it's not.
- This is so weak.
This is weak.
Like a Cab, you wanna have a full body.
- [Rhett] I don't taste the tannins, y'all.
- [Link] This is weak-bodied.
- I need them tannins.
- This one is a last place so far.
I'm not even gonna put it right next to it.
Don't you think?
- Now that I know that they were trying to go for a Cabernet
and that's what they came up with,
I think you should just throw it off the table.
That's basically what... (crew laughing)
No, I'm gonna do this.
I'm using restraint.
(fanfare blaring)
- [Stevie] Hi, Chase.
You're doing a really great job.
Oh.
Okay.
- I'm just kidding.
- C'mon, pour.
- You're a great pourer, Chase.
- For richer, for pourer.
- [Rhett] Mmmm.
(wine gurgling)
Mm?
- Oh, this is weird.
- Oh!
- Strange tasting. - Oh ya yo ya!
(crew laughing)
What in the world?
This doesn't taste like anything I've ever had.
- Notes of farm hay.
Ugh!
- Okay, here's the thing.
Now I'm not tasting,
I'm trying not to taste what it tastes like.
I'm trying to taste how far off that tasted like Cabernet
a second ago,
to then try to dial in how far off this is
from what it's trying to be, if that makes sense.
- You can use a life vine if you think it's something.
It's growing on me.
- It has a characteristic of wine
that the rest of them haven't,
but I don't wanna tell you what it is.
- I would like to try an actual vine, if you don't.
I'm gonna try a real Pinot.
Of course, we can't drink alcohol on YouTube,
so I'd like a moment of privacy.
(crew laughing)
(smooth violin music)
- Learn anything?
- Well, let me tell you right now,
I just had a real Pee-not.
So what I got over in here is--
- Hey, don't,
I mean, keep your hands to yourself,
unless you wanna help me.
- [Stevie] You ready to guess?
- Yep.
- [Stevie] Three, two, one.
- Pinot Noir. - Cabernet.
It ain't no Pinot.
- [Stevie] Okay, you can take your blindfolds off.
- [Rhett] We've already had a Cabernet.
- Have we? - Yeah.
- Oh, well, crap.
I don't see any red.
Oh, that's white, man. - It's white.
- I wasn't even in the right.
I mean, it had some body to it.
- I keep wanting to touch your shoulder,
It had tannins.
It was the first one that had tannins.
- And so therefore I thought it was a red.
- Me too.
- But I was giving 'em credit.
- [Stevie] It's Luminara Alcohol Removed Napa Valley wine,
which is the first ever exquisitely crafted
alcohol removed wine made from the fruit grown
in the prize Napa Valley valley area,
with rich tropical fruit aromas,
followed by a palette of Fuji apple, and lemon cream.
It's a Chardonnay.
- Hey, your cheat actually did help you.
Here's why.
I tasted it, and I said, "Chardonnay."
First name that came to mind, Chardonnay.
Tannins.
- Yeah.
- Then I was like, "Hm, maybe it's a Pinot."
And then you requested a Pinot,
And I was like, "Oh, he's tasting Pinot too."
- Gotcha!
Now, this one grew on me,
so I'm gonna put it in second place.
- I think it's the best one,
'cause you can't put Welch's first, man.
I mean, you can't put in one that tastes like juice.
- Yeah. You might as well just get juice.
- This has the characteristics of wine.
- Put it in third place.
- You know what?
It has sort of a Pinot quality to it. (chuckling)
(fanfare blaring)
Okay. You know what?
We're celebrating dry January here,
doing a not-so-great job of tasting non-alcoholic wines.
But the team over at Sporked.com,
they are coming right at you for Dry January too,
telling you the best mocktails,
the canned mocktails, actually,
and the best non-alcoholic beer and whiskey.
So, listen, if you wanna get some legitimate opinions
that aren't just two guys wearing
a contraption and blindfolded, but people who--
- Hey, this really demands respect.
- But people who are looking at it
and tasting it at the same time,
head over to Sporked.com
to supply all your non-alcoholic alcoholic beverages needs.
- But I'm not gonna take all of the blame here.
I'm gonna put some of the blame on the non-alcoholic wines
that we've been tasting.
- Yeah, they're not doing a great job at this.
- I mean, we're guessing red for whites,
and whites for reds,
and non-sparkling for sparkling.
- And we're both doing it,
so it's proven that they're bad.
- I'll take some of the blame here too.
- And the pourer, Chase! - No, Chase, no.
You're doing great, as established.
Please, show us your skills.
(wine gurgling) (crew laughing)
- Oh, oh!
Right on my shirt.
(crew laughing)
- [Chase] That wasn't me.
- And it's just leaking right on me.
- This is very mild.
- You think?
It's got tannins, man.
- Yeah, it does.
- I would like to taste a Pinot.
- Is it dry?
(smooth violin music)
- Okay.
- Was that better
than what I've been drinking outta this tube?
- It tasted like it had alcohol in it.
- Yeah. That kinda makes it nice.
- But beyond that,
learned nothing. - Mm.
- [Stevie] You wanna guess?
- Yep. - Yep.
- [Stevie] Three, two, one.
- Merlot. - Moscato.
- [Stevie] Oh, my goodness.
This is from a company called Fre,
which uses an exclusive spinning cone process
to gently remove the alcohol
while preserving the delicate aromas of black plum
with soft cherry and spice flavors,
found in their Merlot.
- I got so lucky.
- Was that an informed guess or a lucky guess?
- I mean, it did have a little bit of body.
- It had tannins.
- It's okay.
You know, it's just hard to compensate
for the alcohol being removed and like saying...
But again, if you're at a party,
if you're at an engagement,
and you wanna be sipping on something,
I think that this is pretty good.
And then this is just juice.
- But where do they take all the alcohol that they removed?
Because I would like to go there.
- Yeah.
I'd like to put that at number one.
What are you thinking?
- Well, I thought it was a good Moscato,
so, sure. (chuckling) - It was a bit fruity.
Alright. He said, "Sure."
(fanfare blaring)
The final pour.
- These escalating points? - Yes.
- Oh, they are?
Ho ho ho ho, I have a chance.
(wine gurgling)
- Mm. - Whoa!
Wowee!
- Sweet.
- What in the world's happening there?
- Floral. (smacking lips)
- I kinda like this.
- Now, this one tastes like roses.
Does that mean it's Rose?
That's already been had.
We've already had that.
Rose is not drinking roses, though.
- Okay, I've got a guess.
I don't even need a life vine, I don't think,
'cause I don't want to give you any more hints
than you might already have.
- Mm, mm.
- You ready, Link? - Yeah.
- [Stevie] Three, two, one.
- Moscato. - Moscato.
- That's gotta be it.
- Ha ha ha.
Yeah. See, I'm put a little defensive maneuver on you.
- Yeah, that's gotta be it, man.
- [Stevie] Okay, we have another wine from Fre,
which opens with gorgeous aromas of rose petals and peaches,
framed by a palette of sweet creamy flavors
and a lovely lingering finish.
It's a Moscato.
(bell ringing) - Yes!
I fended off your assault, Rhett.
- I actually didn't...
You're, you're getting,
leaking right all over your shoulder.
- Oh, crap. - But maybe it heals.
- Yeah. - Maybe wine heals.
- The sprinkling of the healing.
Gonna fix my collar bone.
- I quite like that one.
- Moscato. - It's at least number two.
- Yeah. Move it over there.
Let's move these down.
So, yeah, the disappointment that is Ariel
stays at the bottom.
- Well, check it out.
Look at the top two, are the same brand.
- Pierre Rose is just,
just buy yourself some apple juice, in my opinion.
- The Chardonnay has tannins.
But listen, both of the top ones are this,
Is it Free or Fray?
- Fre. - Fre?
They're not free, though.
I assume you have to pay for them.
- True happiness lies in the "Fredom" to be yourself.
- But this brand to be yourself doing something
that the other brands is not doing.
Okay? - Grammar!
- That's right.
- So I won, huh?
- [Stevie] Yep. Yep.
- Alright, so shout out to Fre and shout out to "Me".
I get to sip my favorite beverage,
which is a Ginger Grapefruit Yerba Mate,
not a sponsor, from a big-ass wine glass.
- That's my favorite beverage too.
- Well then, you'll enjoy watching me sip it,
like you normally do at lunch.
Whoo. - You got it?
- You see that? You see me?
I can't.
- I thought that was your good arm.
- It's my good arm,
but for some reason I didn't have depth perception.
Good golly!
- I'm so jealous.
Thanks for subscribing and clicking that bell.
- You know what time it is. (slurping)
- Hi, I'm Patrick.
And I'm Sumatra.
And we're on our honeymoon in beautiful Bora Bora.
And it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality.
- Spin the Wheel of Mythicality.
- Well, look at you. - Look at 'em.
- Click the top link to discover
if we can smell which fruit different wines were made from
in Good Mythical More.
(wheel spinning)
- And to find out
where the Wheel of Mythicality's is gonna land.
- [Rhett] Check out even more rankings
of the best non-alcoholic booze, soft drinks,
and more at Sporked.com.