Season 5
Epic Rap Battles Of History
George R. R. Martin
VERSUS
J. R. R. Tolkien
BEGIN!
Brace yourself
gather up your trolls
and your soldier elves
and your ents and your orcs
and your wargs and your Stings
your dwarves and Glamdrings
cause there's a new literary Lord in the Ring
my readers fall in love
with every character I've written
then I kill 'em
and they're like "no he didn't"
all your bad guys die
and your good guys survive
we can teel what's gonna happen
by page and age five
tell your all seeing eye
to find some sex in your movies
ditch the Goonie
and cast a couple boobies
there's edgier plots in that
David the Gnome
your hobbit hole heroes
can't handle my throne
Kings
Queens
dragons
horses, fortresses, magic and swords
you Hob-bit my whole shit
you uninspired hack
you want a war George?
welcome to Shire-raq
in book sales you've go nothing to sav
I'm number one and two
you're under Fifty Shades of Grey
I got the prose of a pro
your shit's subpar
you're a pirate
you even stole my R.R.
we all know the world is full
of chance and anarchy
so yes it's true to life
for characters to die randomly
but news flash
the genre's called fantasy
it's meant to be unrealistic
you myopic manatee
I conscientiously object
to what you're doing on these beats
I'll cut you like my teeth
on Beauty and the Beast
you went too deep
Professor tweed pants
we don't need the back story
on every fucking tree branch
I cut my teeth in the trenches of the Somme
you LARPed your Santa Claus ass
through Vietnam
and it's hard for me to take
criticism on clothes
from a dude who sends a raven
to say hi to his toes
Man your fat jokes
are worse that your pipe smoke
my show's the hottest thing on HBO!
I'm rock and roll, you're a
nerdy little nebbish
and I may be dirty
but you got a hairy foot fetish dog
even the names of your characters suck
you got Boffers and Bofurs
and Brandybucks
I got a second breakfast
for all them goofy fucks
lift up my gut
and tea Baggins my nuts
C.S. Lewis and I were just discussing
how you and Jon snow
both know nothing!
because the backstory of my
box office is billions
got my children making millions
off my Silmarillions
and I'm more rock and roll
than you've ever been
don't believe me?
ask Led Zeppelin!
you can't reach this fellow
shit, I'm too Towering
every time I battle
it's return of the King!!!
WHO WON?
WHO NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
Epic Rap Battles Of History
//Ich hab mein bestes versucht, allerdings ist es teilweise sehr schwierig, eine gute Übersetzung zu finden, die sich auch für Untertitel eignet.
//Verbesserungsvorschläge sind gerne gesehen! :-)
//Untertitel von: Chrintario