Our next guest is a former monk turned
bestselling author and social media star,
who's inspiring videos have been viewed over 7 billion times.
Please welcome, Jay Shetty.
Jay Shetty, it has been two years since you've been here
and it's so great to see you again.
You're supposed to come back again
to talk about the book and then the pandemic hit.
I am so grateful to be back.
I feel like last time when I came on,
it was truly life changing.
And Ellen, I don't think I've ever told you
this story before, but before I actually came on the show
about a year before, my wife and I had just moved to L.A
and we came to this set.
And we were on the Warner Brothers tour,
and they brought us to this studio,
and everyone was taking pictures.
And I remember my wife said, do you want a picture?
And I said I'm going to be patient and wait
till I can meet Ellen, because I know she's into meditation
and mindfulness.
And I was such a huge fan, never thought it would ever
happen but it did.
And I just want to thank you for being
such an amazing supporter of my work and showing me so much
love, honestly.
Well, I want everyone to know about you and mindfulness.
And you did manifest that.
I believe completely in manifesting things
in your life.
So you just celebrated your fifth wedding anniversary
with your wife, you just mentioned.
Anything special, what did you do?
So I'm a hopeless romantic.
So I hand-made her this scrapbook
with pictures, messages, and memories
from the last five years.
We've been through so much together.
In one year alone, we moved country, got married,
moved jobs and it was all unexpected.
And so every year on our anniversary, we sit down
and we reflect on what we've learned about each other, what
we've learned individually, and what
our intentions and aspirations for the future together.
So it was beautiful.
That's beautiful.
That's what everyone should do.
That's incredible.
So I've heard that a lot of people during this pandemic
have been struggling in relationships.
Portia and I happened to spend a lot of time with each other
and together.
So we really didn't see a big difference.
But I think for some people, it was a struggle
to all of a sudden spend a lot of time.
What do you say to those people?
I can completely imagine that.
I think it's been such a challenge for so many of us.
And the biggest thing is I think we need to reset expectations
and boundaries.
So in every relationship, we have the opportunity
to set the level of joy we expect
and the level of pain we'll accept.
And we have to understand that people adapt differently
to pressure and pain.
And so being patient and allowing your partner
to show you what they need and share what they need
is so important.
Yeah, well, and it's a hard thing
to do because most people want someone
to know exactly how to act around you all the time.
So you wrote this book Think Like a Monk
and you were a monk.
You lived as a monk for three years.
And congratulations, number one New York Times bestseller,
congratulations.
[APPLAUSE]
Thank you for your wonderful testimonial.
Of course.
So tell everybody why a monk mindset
is beneficial to your life.
So I didn't know this when I lived as a monk.
But then I later discovered that research
shows that monks have the happiest brains on the planet.
So this is how I like to think about it.
If I wanted to learn how to play basketball,
I'd go to LeBron James.
Or if I wanted to know how to perform, I'd come to Beyonce.
You'd want to go to someone who's exceptionally
talented and gifted.
Now, if you wanted a happy mind, and I'm guessing we all
want happy minds, I want a happy mind,
you want to go to monks because they've
dedicated their life to that.
So studies show that monks have the highest form of gamma waves
when they scan their brain, which
is associated with happiness, attention, and learning.
And so if you want to be happy, why not go to the people
with the happiest brains and minds on the planet?
Yeah, and do you feel like you're able to--
because that's quite an extreme way to live.
Everybody cannot do that.
You did it.
But now you're back living in this kind
of world instead of that world.
I was going to say--
The real world.
But that is the real world also.
But the hardest thing I think is people,
and you talk about this, people talk about their identity
and/or what they think about themselves,
or what other people think about them,
and how that affects happiness.
Yeah, I don't believe you have to live like a monk
to learn to think like a monk.
We can practice the principles that people
are practicing in the other world in our day-to-day right
now.
Because one of the biggest challenges
we have is often our identity is wrapped up
in what we think others think about us.
So it's not even what they actually think
or what we think about ourselves.
We always ask people questions like, how do you
think I look in this?
Or what do you think I should do?
And the real question that we should ask ourselves
is, well, how do I feel I look in this?
And what do I think I should do?
And that's how we learn to develop trust and really
understand our own intuition.
And so that's what thinking like a monk is all about.
It's learning to understand yourself, have
that self-awareness, and trust your own intuition.
Yeah, so important, easier said than done for a lot of people,
but it's so important.
All right, when we come back, Jay
is going to answer some questions from our audience.
We'll be back.
We're back with Jay Shetty and this is his book Think
Like a Monk.
And we want to give people in the audience
a chance to ask him questions, one
of the smartest guys I know as far as figuring out
how to balance your life.
Taylor Reynolds, where are you?
Hi, Taylor.
Hey, Taylor?
Hi, Ellen.
Hi, Jay.
Hi, what's your question?
How do I cope with the constant pressure from social media
and society to always stay positive, have
the perfect body, have the perfect marriage,
and stay hustling?
It feels impossible and overwhelming.
Yeah, that's such a great question.
Thank you so much for asking that.
And one of the first things is our relationship
with social media.
This is going to sound really tough,
but I want you to try it out.
Please don't look at your phone first thing in the morning.
It will change your life.
Studies show that 80% of us look at our phones
first thing in the morning before we see our partners,
before we see our kids.
And if we change that habit to wake
up to something that inspires us,
it could be your favorite quote, your favorite song.
It could be a work of art that you love,
a picture of your family.
If you wake up and you feel inspired,
that's going to change everything.
Try it out for a week and let me know what happens.
I love that.
Thank you.
Yeah, it is a tough thing.
With social media, it's not going anywhere.
It's here to stay.
And it's very beneficial in some ways,
but we do stare at our phones and our computers way too much.
All right, Amber Mearns, where is Amber Mearns?
So I'm a mom of six-year-old twins.
I'm incredibly burnt out with the day-to-day tasks
of caring for them and also, of course, everyday stressors.
How do I pull myself out from the burnout
and begin to find myself again and find purpose again?
So it sounds like you already have enough on your plate.
So I don't want to add anything.
But the one thing I'd love for you to do
is find two to three minutes a day
to ask yourself this one question, what's
the one thing I can do today to make today a great day?
If I feel like so many of us are trying
to be the perfect parent, the perfect partner,
the perfect person in the middle of a pandemic.
Being perfect is impossible as it is,
but trying to do it right now.
Let go of that judgment, be compassionate with yourself.
And Amber--
Thank you so much.
I'll say, Amber, it's so important
if you just have time to take a walk.
If you just go out and just--
because walking makes you take deep breaths.
And just deep breaths can just change everything.
It really calms you down.
And just walking, and getting out of the house,
and having alone time, it's like a walking meditation, which I
love to do walking meditations.
And then it gives you ideas, you're creative.
You think about what Jay is saying,
like, what can I do to make me happy today?
But walking, I'm a big fan of walking.
Anyway, thank you for your question.
You can get Jay's book Think Like a Monk.
And he has all kinds of answers for any other questions
that you have.
It's in stores now.
And I think everybody is struggling
with anxiety and depression and all kinds of things
because of what we've all been through.
So this book will surely help you out.
We'll be back.