Matt: Real quick!
Matt: Hold on, one second. Wait!
Matt: Rejected.
Lindsay: We all hate going through it. We all hate
experiencing rejection but it's inevitable. And I think so often we
relate being rejected to such a negative connotation. And it really doesn't have
to be that way. In some cases, and I know I'm guilty of this too.
You can either start feeling really really bad about yourself or lash out at
other people. And really neither one of these responses is a healthy or viable
solution to living your life. Hey everyone! It's Lindsay from The Attractive Man team.
So, today I'm gonna talk to you about how you can stop
viewing rejection as a negative occurrence, how you can get over that
rejection, how you can start doing it as a positive experience and how you can
feel confident walking into any sort of dating situation no matter what and you
won't be afraid of getting rejected anymore. So the first step in handling
rejection well, is to stop assigning blame.
Now, psychologists have this term. It is called cognitive distortion and
basically, what that means in the simplest terms is that, when you have a
negative experience and you experience those negative emotions, oftentimes, our
brain will assign those negative emotions to that specific activity. For
example, you approach a woman. She rejects. You feel negatively, maybe, about
yourself or about what happened or anything. You're going to, then, assign
negative emotions to asking a woman out, if you let it. The important thing is to
remember that you don't have to look at every negative experience. So, what you
can do instead is when you do get rejected, realize that that was an
isolated incident and it doesn't mean that you're going to get rejected every
single time. You don't have to have a negative outlook on the world or say
"every time I approach women this always happens" because
it's not true. It may have happened once, it may have even happened multiple times
but that doesn't mean that every single time you approach a woman you're going
to get rejected or that it's going to be a negative experience. The other
important thing to do is to stop looking at it as if you got rejected. You, as a
person, are made up of a billion different tiny little things. And I don't
just mean physically. I mean, emotionally. You have wants, needs, thoughts, desires. So
many things make up you as a person. So when something happens where a woman
rejects you, that doesn't mean that you got rejected because she didn't see
every single thing about you that makes up you, that makes you who you are.
She rejected your actions, so started looking at it as that. What worked for
one woman may not work for another and vice versa.
So definitely start thinking about actions as opposed to looking at it as
if you as a person got rejected. Also, like I touched on, stop generalizing
experiences. Nothing always happens to you or never
happens to you. The more you keep generalizing those experiences, the more
you're gonna keep yourself from experiencing new things. Your brain is
gonna start using it as an excuse to not try new things or even push yourself or
put yourself out of your comfort zone. You want to look at every single
experience as an individual experience. Definitely don't get discouraged and
don't generalize those things. The next thing to remember when it comes
to getting over rejection is that you're not entitled to a "yes." Nobody is. No one
gets to say "it's my right for you to say 'yes' to me" or "I should have gotten that
'yes'" or "you have to say 'yes' to me." That's just simply not realistic. It doesn't
mean that anybody is at fault. Just because she rejected you doesn't mean
she's mean or terrible or horrible. It just means she has certain preferences
and maybe, you guys just don't click in that way. In the same way that you have
certain preferences and you wouldn't click with somebody else who didn't need
those preferences. And that's all okay. We are all beautiful unique individual
people and what makes us different is what makes us so cool. Don't assign blame
to anybody. Definitely don't say things like she's mean or she's terrible or
she's awful because she rejected me. It's not her fault. She has her preferences
just like you do and that doesn't mean that it's your fault either. Sometimes,
things just don't vibe and it could be for any number of reasons, it could be,
maybe, she had a bad day that day. Maybe, it was raining outside. Maybe, you had an
off night. And remember, rejection says nothing about your value as a person.
Don't get discouraged. You are incredible, you are amazing and hey, the entire
Attractive Man Team is behind you and we think you're great and that's why we're
here, helping you out and giving you this advice. The other thing to do with
rejection is instead of looking at it as a negative experience like we talked
about earlier, start framing it in a more positive way. So looking at a rejection
as an opportunity, it just means that you have room to grow. It means that there's
new things that you can explore and experience within yourself.
Maybe, the reason why I keep getting rejected is because the kind of person
that I'm pursuing isn't the kind of person who's actually right for me and
that way, it doesn't look at such a negative experience. It's more of an
opportunity for you to find ways for you to grow into being an even better person
than you already are. Don't obsess over rejection, don't sit
there going over what happened and why it happened. And trust me, I do this to
all of the time whenever I get rejected. I think of it and can't stop wondering
why I got rejected or why this didn't work out or why they didn't call. It
doesn't matter if it didn't work out. It didn't work out and it's really an
opportunity for you to get creative and find new ways of approaching dating. So
maybe, it's that you need to find a new kind of hobby. You, maybe, there's a new
creative way for you to approach women and this is that opportunity to rework
some things and have fun with it and not feel so stifled by the fact that you're
afraid of getting rejection. Instead, it's really great. It's a really great time
for you to just be able to say "hey, I'm gonna try something new. I'm gonna do
something different" and you get to have fun with it.
So start framing it in your mind that ways every time you get rejected. It's a
new opportunity to grow and also to get more creative with how you're approaching women.
Here's what to do after you get rejected. This happens to all of us at some point
and not just in dating, in business, in all types of places. We are going to get
rejected. It's an inevitable fact of life. No matter how unfun it is, no matter how
much we wish we could avoid it, we can't avoid it. So what do we do after
we get rejected? Well, first of all the most important thing and I think the
best way to handle it, is to thank that person for their time and you maybe
thinking "Lindsay, what the h***?! Why would I thank somebody for rejecting
me?" That's insane but you know honestly, she gave you an opportunity, she sat
there and took the time to listen and that was time that she didn't
necessarily have to take. She doesn't like I said, she doesn't owe you that so
being able to be gracious about the rejection and telling her "Hey, cool! Well,
great to meet you. Thank you for your time and you know, have a great night!"
That shows so much maturity and grace and honestly, it's going to leave her
with a really nice wonderful lasting impression of you, which is what you want
because hey, maybe she wasn't right for you but maybe she has a cute friend who
is. And if you're super nice to her, she may look at her friend and be like,
"Actually, I think this guy is great for you." Really leave a great impression
because you never know how you're gonna meet that special person or how you
might meet that special person so just really try and remain as gracious as
possible no matter what happened. Another terrific way to get out of your head
when it comes to rejection is spending time with people who create the best
version of you. So really spending time with people or doing activities that
bring out your best self because you are not going to feel negative if you feel
confident in who you are, right? So you're not gonna be sitting there mulling over
what happened and thinking about the rejection and obsessing over the
rejection. If you're having a great time doing something that you love, maybe it's
a hobby, activity, whatever, maybe it's hiking, I don't know.
Whatever you like to do, spend time doing that with people that make you a better
person because ultimately, the more positive things you can bring into your
life, the more positive things you're going to be putting out there, which is
very attractive. People want to be around attractive positive people because
positivity makes people feel happy and people want to be around other people
that make them feel happy. So the more positive and happy you can be, the more
kinds of people you're going to be attracting to yourself which just
increases your odds of finding that special person. Remember that you really
want to keep those negative voices out. You are an amazing person and there is
nobody in this world not even yourself that can tell you otherwise. Another
really great thing to do after getting rejected is to keep positive signs and
visual stimulus around you at all times. So maybe, that's putting up really
inspiring awesome happy positive quotes everywhere.
Maybe that's keeping the background on your phone something like "Hey, you're
awesome! Keep going." You know you really want to keep that around you because you
want to have things that remind you to think about yourself in a positive light
and remind you how awesome you really are. That will help you not get down
about being rejected or not get down about not having things go your way all
the time. Another really great resource that you have at your disposal is the
rejection therapy game. This game is really awesome and just helps you kind
of work through your feelings towards rejection and helps you learn how to
handle it in the best way possible and stay positive no matter what happens and
just give you more confidence when rejection happens. We'll actually leave a
link to that in the description below but definitely check that out as well as
a great resource to use especially if projection's something you really
struggle with. Another great way that you can actually work through your rejection
is through this really simple exercise and we actually use this with some of
our guys that we train in our boot camps at The Attractive Man. And that is you go
out with a specific aim to get rejected and maybe it's something as simple as
going to Starbucks and asking for a discount putting yourself in situations
where you know you're going to get told this exercise will really help you
realize that rejection is not the end of the world. And it'll help make you feel
more confident approaching situations where you could get rejected. It doesn't
make it as scary so that's something to try as well if you want to go out with
maybe a group of friends and say "Hey, I'm gonna try this exercise where I set out
to get rejected in low-risk situations. I'm gonna see what happens." Or maybe you
just do it on your own in your daily life and just try and help yourself
desensitize to being rejected and we are here to help you. You can watch any of
these videos at any time to help you feel more confident when approaching
women and asking them out and you are gonna be able to go on dates and you are
not gonna get rejected by every single woman out there. You are going to find
that person that is right for you. And if you guys really want to take it to the
next level of boosting your confidence and feeling great and fearless about
approaching women and not being afraid of getting rejected, we have this amazing
confidence cheat sheet that Matt created. It's really really simple steps that you
can take. It's all based on psychology and science so, you know, it's gonna work
and it's effective. And if you are interested in trying that, there's gonna
be a link right here in the bottom of the screen that you can click as well as
there will be a link in the description below. And guys, if you are not subscribed
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every single time that we post. And we'll see you guys in the next video. Bye!