using porn to numb your feelings i'm dr trish leigh neuroscientist
and sex addiction coach in this video i want to share with you what and why
you are numbing in the first place then secondarily
what is going on in your brain when you feel that numbed out feeling and thirdly what you can do
instead so that you can heal your brain from porn and ride off into the sunset okay so let's dig in
number one what and why do you keep going back to porn to feel that numbing feeling so let's
just characterize it for a second when you go into the screen and you consume pornography
it numbs your brain out and that feeling is taking you away from the present so it's a form
of dissociation and a form of escapism so it's being used to escape the reality that you're in
and to take you into a distorted albeit unreality of fantasy for a while so i get it because the
human condition can be a challenging one for sure but think about what you are running away from why
are you using porn to numb what is it so generally speaking for most people it's one of two things
it's either repressed feelings and emotions from the past especially those having to do
with trauma so there's big t traumas big t's that big t like a capital t on trauma meaning
that there's sexual abuse there's physical abuse there's something major that happened to you
and that creates a trauma response in the brain and the nervous system
that makes you want to go into something to feel numb so you don't have to deal with those feelings
there's also small t traumas so if you're thinking to yourself you know i don't have any of those
really big traumas that i hear about i've never been abused my life was fairly decent growing up
i have nice parents you know it wasn't perfect but it wasn't awful small t traumas can just be
not being seen or feeling different from your family every single minute of every single day
so neglect can fall into this category family dysfunction all families have dysfunction
it's just a matter of magnitude and flavor and so depending upon how that dysfunction
impacted your nervous system it may have made it that you went into porn from a young age to feel
better about the chaos of the world that you were experiencing then and you may have held on to that
as the habit that you go into to feel good even though your circumstances have changed so that's
the past feelings and thoughts about the past that still make you want to run into the screen
secondarily it might be the way you're living your life currently and people reach out to me all the
time which honestly i think is sad and devastating saying like you know lady stop talking about your
happy life with your family and your hubs you know not everybody can have a happy life with work that
they like and with a partner that they like and with people that they like to hang out with and
hobbies that they enjoy and i'm here to you know challenge that distorted thought system everybody
can have that and my life is far from perfect but it's highly enjoyable you know and i've got the
bad but i bring the bad along with the good and i see them all as learning opportunities so the
idea is i am in a relationship that's fantastic i have to work at it all the time but because i
work on it i enjoy it we crack up all the time we have a really good time together i actually was
thinking about this because i went to nashville with a big group of my friends and my hubs
still wear wearing nashville stuff here um so we were hanging out and i was looking at all of the
couples that were with us and you know none of them have perfect relationships but i was
thinking about how each one of them was actually enjoying each other's company and then we were
enjoying being in the group too and you know so it's not just me i surround myself with people who
you know they're working on their relationships and they're enjoying each other and they are
working through the difficult stuff to get to the good stuff and we're all there doing
things that we love with people that we enjoy being with doing our hobbies and we all are
working on work that's important to us because we've chosen to do that we're creating that
and you can stay with me because i'm making another video right after this one on how
to navigate the world to create the life that you want from a neurological standpoint you can do it
so if you're living in a life that you go to a job that you hate and then you come home to
a partner you barely enjoy interacting with and then you never do your hobbies that's a buzz kill
i'd want to run and escape that also it creates the need to go into the screen to feel numb to
not have to feel the stress and the anxiety and the overwhelm of the day so usually it's one of
those two things or a combination of those two things so let's move on to number two number
two is what's going on in your brain when you go into the screen and you feel that numb feeling
that is the dopamine deluge so when all that dopamine floods your system
that's so much all at one time that it floods your system out and it takes all that thinking speed
and all that stress and anxiety and it takes it down so much that you feel completely numb
you couldn't even have a thought if you wanted to so what it does is it's flooding your system and
it's taking your brain out of what's called hyper arousal too much of go go go think think think doo
doo doo and it takes it all the way down to the lowest levels of neurological hypo low arousal so
you are just chilled out it's taken you from hyper to hypo and i see it on people's muse brain graphs
all the time you can see it if you have the muse headband you can look and if you're up at three
percent calm and then you watch porn and you're at 97 calm that's you artificially regulating
your brain out of hyperarousal unfortunately into too much hypoarousal which will give
you brain fog it'll make it difficult for you to focus it'll make it so that you feel more
anxiety once that dopamine's out of your system it creates depression because you're running so low
it creates lots and lots of problems when you're artificially bringing your brain into
this numbed out mode so number three what do you do about it instead so if you're running into the
screen or you're walking or you're tippy-toeing however you're doing it going into the screen
be aware that you are using that numbing feeling to disassociate by using chemicals in your brain
like an internalized drug addiction so you're basically you know shooting that into your system
so that you feel numbed out it's escapism so the key to success again is twofold lots of twos
in this video it's twofold in that you have to retrain your brain to find dopamine in your world
that's why when i tell you to get on purpose in your life work should be dopamine producing but
it also should have serotonin remember dopamine is the pleasure seeking neurochemical it's insatiable
it will never let you stop seeking pleasure but when you combine it with serotonin the happiness
neurotransmitter which lingers around longer think about if you view a sunset you feel good
it's lower key but it creates happiness that's what you're looking for in your work in your
relationships and when it comes to relationships there's oxytocin the neurochemical for connection
it makes you feel unified with you know the people in this world with your comrades with your family
with your friends you feel connected it's the neurotransmitter of connection it's the opposite
of escapism so when you go into your work in your relationships and your hobbies you get that
instead it's the perfect neurochemical cocktail it's not the kool-aid the the means the kool-aid
it's artificially dyed red and it's terrible for you and you should really only have a sip of it
if anything so what to do is find dopamine in the world then at the same time realize
you don't want to escape you need to approach those feelings so figure it out what's going on
in your life what needs to be engaged with approach and engage take care of the stressors
and alleviate them or reduce them so if your relationship isn't doing it for you
time to communicate time to talk to each other and figure it out if your work isn't doing it for
you it doesn't mean you quit it means you make a plan to get into that profession that you've been
dying to do for your whole life you can do it and when you do it you're going to feel so good
and get those hobbies going again and at the same time if you have trauma in your past realize
you have to stop numbing it to be able to feel those feelings when you feel those feels and you
have to be able to sit with them and go oh that hurts but when you move through resolving past
traumas they leave your nervous system and trauma creates neural rigidity it locks your brain up in
the mode that needs to go back into the screen but when you resolve the traumas and you process them
and you integrate them it leaves your system and it creates more neuroplasticity so that your brain
is more changeable and you're able to improve your brain performance pattern heal your brain from
porn and have the life that you've always wanted and that is what i want for you that's why i'm
here so stay out of the screen no more numbing it's damaging your brain get on purpose in your
life find the dopamine in the world and do the work you need to to resolve the dysfunction the
neglect the traumas of the past so you can be the you that you want to be and have the life that you
have okay i hope that helps you out and if you're looking for help on this journey please go to dr
trishly.com i am here to help you i have programs of different shapes and sizes and i'd love to be
on your journey with you okay until next time control your brain or it'll control you
you