The Alabama special election
between Roy Moore and Doug Jones was last night.
It's a small, unimportant,
local election...
that we haven't really been talking about that much.
The fake news, MSM and... all media
are claiming a victory for the Democrat, Doug Jones.
Just-just because it's "technically" over.
But the truth is this race is still...
it still
When the vote is this close,
then it's not over.
I had a feeling he wasn't gonna concede,
because it just... the numbers aren't adding up.
That's what we've got to do, is wait on God
and let this process play out.
Yes! You go, Roy!
God takes his time.
It took him two days to build the earth.
He spent the other five days building America.
Drawing congressional districts is surprisingly difficult.
But it's fine. This is not a loss.
I mean, even in the extreme long shot of Doug Jones
somehow winning, he has to face another election in two years.
He's already a lame duck, which is the exact thing
that Roy Moore hunts with his extremely alpha micro-gun.
So... just to sum up,
the results of this election are totally non-conclusive.
They barely even matter, anyway. (short chuckle)
And I am in no way concerned about what this means
for the future of the populist Trump revolution.
Well, nothing much left to talk about.
The fight continues after this.
-♪ ♪ -(cheering, applause)
Mother(bleep)!
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
Bring it in here! Get back in here, Chuck!
Quick, quick, quick!
Guys...
what the (bleep) happened last night?
Look behind you-- do you see a liberal?
Good, we lost 'em. This-- right here, this--
is just between us.
-Shh. -KLEPPER (grunts): Oh.
Guys, we lost, and I hate it.
In Alabama,
Alabama went to a Democrat.
Are you (bleep) kidding me?
The reddest state. They're so red
they only recently started using the pronoun "she."
It doesn't make sense. I can't...
I can't wrap my head around it. How did this guy--
the guy that I, Steve Bannon,
and the president got behind-- lose?
Did we back the wrong guy?
Do we take a moment and really analyze the type of person
we're hitching our wagon to?
No.
I don't have time for that.
It can't be our fault.
The blame has to lie elsewhere.
Someone cost Roy Moore this election.
But whom? Or, even worse,
who?
God gave me ten blame-casters,
and it's time to finger some bad guys.
Suspect number one, Steve Bannon.
Steve Bannon, the president's chief political adviser
during the campaign, was wrong.
REPORTER:
GOP must do right thing and
This guy does not belong on the national stage.
He looks like some disheveled drunk.
People at the White House were using words like "devastating."
And also suggesting the president has egg on his face
because of his former adviser, Steve Bannon.
What? The president does not have egg on his face.
It's Egg McMuffin.
And it's technically on his neck.
Steve Bannon engineered Roy Moore's candidacy.
But blaming Bannon is too easy.
He's the only person we
It's never the obvious suspect.
Haven't you seen a Shyamalan movie?
Bannon's been dead this whole time.
I mean, just look at him.
Yeah.
Plus, Breitbart's front page reports
"Bannon Least Culpable!"
You can trust that, because that Web site
is run by Steve Bannon himself.
So... so, who sabotaged Roy Moore?
Next suspect, the swamp.
A very senior GOP source on the Hill
thinks that this is Mitch McConnell's fault.
Both Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell
are major problems for the president.
REPORTER:
sent this $100 check
to Moore's Democratic opponent Doug Jones,
writing on the memo line of the check,
"Country over party."
Oh.
Country over party is not only a dangerous 1700s sex position--
it's also a rallying cry for wimpy moderates like Flake.
Next suspect to blame for Roy Moore's loss, Horse Twitter.
Now, now,
Roy Moore rode a horse to his polling place,
which is standard.
And the mean world of the Internet,
specifically the horse Internet,
decided to go all in on him,
saying that his form sucks
and any horse person can see he's a fake cowboy.
You know what, maybe I'm overthinking it.
Maybe this is just a referendum on Trump.
Wrong. I never overthink.
I am an underthinker. Am I right, Fox?
This was not a referendum on Trump.
I feel like it was a referendum on Harvey Wein-stein...
-Weinstein. -Ah. Oh, okay. Oh.
Okay, so that's the alleged predator
everyone's been talking about.
Weinstein must have forced his way
into the Alabama election without its consent
and activated a cabal of silence-breaking women
who mistakenly voted against Roy Moore.
But how could women keep Roy Moore out of the Senate?
I mean, it's not a mall.
You know what,
I think I found the prime suspect,
a secret group that wields great power
and hides in plain sight,
who works specifically on behalf of mainstream Democrats
to steal elections and daytime talk shows.
REPORTER:
It was black women that, uh, put Doug Jones over the hump.
This victory was delivered to us by black women.
That's it.
I know who sabotaged Roy Moore's Senate campaign.
Black women.
In fact, 98% of black Alabama women
voted against Roy Moore last night.
-(cheering and applause) -We're all shocked.
We're shocked.
They colluded to take him down.
This is voter suppression.
They voted to suppress Roy Moore.
This was a stinging rebuke by black voters
to someone who really would've turned the clock back
a hundred years in Alabama.
That's not fair. No, no.
Roy Moore didn't want to turn the clock back a hundred years--
that is slander. He specifically said
that the last time America was great was during slavery,
which was at least 200 years ago.
Who looks stupid now?
Opposers, I've stumbled onto something big here.
Black women came together for Obama, against Trump.
And this Me Too movement that targets
innocent tiny cowboys like Roy Moore,
Google it-- scratch that, Bing it--
a black woman started that, too.
Yeah, 20 years ago.
Her name is Tarana Burke.
And, here, I've been angrily tweeting at Alyssa Milano
and Rose McGowan. I mean, I take it back.
Charmed
Let's move on.
So, when it comes to what happened in Alabama last night,
this much is clear:
powerful, organized black women are coming for us,
and we need to be prepared.
We need hard-core recon
to investigate this emerging threat.
But it will be challenging.
There is surprisingly little mainstream literature,
TV or films about them, like, at all.
And, also, they don't live in my neighborhood,
because my congressional district
is shaped like a spaghetti noodle.
But here's the plan.
If conservatives want to retain power,
we need to find out how black women managed
this political coup,
find out what they want
and what they don't want.
Maybe I'll embed on one of those girls trips
I've heard so much about.
I'm going to wiretap the movement.
I'm going to use all of my surveillance.
Because if we want to make America great again,
we need to listen to black women.