How much is all this worth, anyway?
I don't know, like, ten, seven,
this one's probably about fucking 20 or something.
We could be looking at making 50 quid, like.
Buy us a classical pair of shoes.
We could get so much with these! Yeah.
VOICEOVER: That handsome-looking fella there is me, Conor MacSweeney.
Woo!
And that's my best pal, Jock.
Everyone's always going on about me trying to be just like him,
what a load of bullshit.
Yeah, we have similar haircuts, but that's just a fashion.
Aside from that, we have our own individual shit going on.
We go to St Finan's Community School, which is
the only school in the country with a condom machine in the toilets.
Jock's the kind of fella who'd do anything for a friend.
Like that time I bumped in to Billy Murphy... Hi, how's it going?
..and he wanted to borrow my phone. Give me your fucking phone!
HE CHUCKLES
He's the local nutjob.
Jock found this site on the internet where you can
send in photos of someone and they send you back a mask of their face.
Hello, Billy.
He then stole a bike from outside the Garda station,
which belonged to Sergeant Healy.
When they were looking for Healy's bike in Billy's gaff,
they found hash plants instead. Shit-loads of them.
I'm going to fucking kill you! Shut the fuck up! Do you like that?
Do you like that, huh? Come on, get your tongue up!
Shut up! Come on, come on, Healy, you'd like that, wouldn't you?
That was the end of me getting mugged.
And here we are, minding our own business, when...
There's two youngsters up on the roof stealing my lead.
All right? Oof!
What the fuck are you doing? Up there.
Fucking idiots.
Quick, put that on.
This is a girl's mask.
It's all they had at the Halloween shop.
They only had one mask in the Halloween shop? Yeah.
Wait up!
Don't move! Hey!
Whoa!
What are we going to do? We can make that.
We can't!
I've got short legs, and definitely not with these bags of lead.
I'll hold your hand. Fuck off.
Come on, that way if you don't make it I can pull you up.
What choice do we have?
Fuck it, all right.
On three.
BOTH: One...
two...
three!
THEY YELL
Jock's become a bit of a legend round Cork city.
No-one knows it's him behind the mask.
They just call him Fake Billy.
Hey, it's Fake Billy! Fake Billy! Who's the girlfriend?
I'm not his girlfriend!
THEY HECKLE
Oh! Argh! Fuck! Shit!
Everyone says I'm forever mimicking Jock.
But that's a load of bollocks.
We're just best friends and we like the same shit.
Anyone who has a best friend would understand that.
We own this city.
It's ours.
One, two, three...
DANCE MUSIC PLAYS