- Hey everybody.
Today, we're gonna talk about how to cultivate
or build self compassion.
But before I jump into that topic,
if you're new to my channel, welcome.
I know there are ton of new people here
and make sure that you're subscribed
and have those notifications turned on
because I put out videos on Mondays and Thursdays
and you don't wanna miss out.
But let's jump in to this topic.
So, how do we build self-compassion?
Because it's believed that building our own self-compassion
can also help grow our self-esteem and resilience.
Pretty important things, am I right?
It also makes us less likely to struggle with depression,
anxiety, shame, and fear.
So, you could argue that self-compassion
is pretty important.
How we treat ourselves shows others
how we will allow them to treat us.
I mean, think about it.
If we don't believe that we deserve to be treated well,
then, other people can constantly take advantage of us.
We need to feel secure in ourselves
and our worth so that we don't have to look outside
for any validation because when we don't care about
or even talk nicely to ourselves,
we can attract people who do the same thing
and we can find ourselves in abusive
or disrespectful relationships as a result.
And so, the whole point of this video
is how do we build it.
And the first step and something that I'm sure
a lot of my OG viewers are already kind of annoyed
and they know it's coming is to notice yourself talk.
If it's negative and putting you down all the time,
work to make it more kind and compassionate
and also know that self-compassion
doesn't mean we have to only have good feelings.
We could be going through a hard time
and still be loving and kind to ourselves.
And I'm just gonna pause there
so you can really absorb what I'm saying
because I think a lot of people assume self-compassion
or self-love means that we don't ever
have a negative thought in our brain
but that's not the truth.
We can be going through a really, really difficult
and trying time but self-compassion means
that during that time, we're still able
to show love and respect to ourselves.
And my second tip for building self-compassion
is to give yourself permission to not be perfect.
No one is.
I know I'm not.
When we expect everything to turn out just as we planned
and everything that we've done
to the eensy-weensy little detail
and come out perfect, we're setting ourselves up
to feel worse and so I know it's really hard
and taking this first step to change
is always the hardest, but it's giving yourself
the permission to be imperfect.
Know that things don't have to be exactly as we thought
in order for them to be okay.
And the next step to building self-compassion
is to be mindful.
Situations can be out of our control.
Most of them actually are and there's nothing
that we can do to change them.
So let them go.
Allow yourself to feel how you feel without judgment,
just notice the feeling, watch it come in and let it go.
I know I've talked about this before
but some of my patients utilize like clouds in the sky
and they'll lay down and imagine their worries
and their thoughts and their judgments
being written on those clouds
and then just watching them pass or leaves in a stream.
You could even just imagine, if you can't get outside,
'cause I know it's still winter in a lot of places.
You can just imagine that you're doing those things
and watching all those worries and concerns just float by.
The important thing is that we're mindful
and that we recognize what we're feeling.
We don't ignore it but we also don't hold on to it
and obsess over it and expect it to be
all these certain things.
We can acknowledge it, feel it, and let it go.
My next tip for building self-compassion
is to mother yourself or you can just call it,
practicing self-care if you prefer that phrasing.
But consider what phrases a mother
or your mother would say, or maybe,
what you wish she would've said.
What would give you comfort?
What does a close friend say that's soothing and nurturing.
Make sure you take time to say those things to yourself.
Take care of your needs.
Bandage any wounds.
Feed yourself well, bathe yourself, et cetera.
And I know mothering ourselves
can be a really difficult thing
but sometimes just think about how you would care
for a loved one if they were have a hard time
and then do that thing for yourself
or just find something that's soothing.
I always go back to that word
because that's how I take care of myself
as it might be a bath or a long walk
where I can let my mind wander.
Whatever it is you need to take care of yourself,
to soothe what's going on, make time for it.
And my next tip for building self-compassion,
the one that I personally practice regularly
is thanking my body and mind for all that they do
each and every day.
We often forget how much work they put in for us
and all the things they allow us to do
and I learned this kinda tip and tool
when I worked at the eating disorder treatment center.
I ran a group called the body and soul group
where the whole goal was to get us to regularly
be aware and thankful for all that our body
and our mind does and having them better communicate.
Right, because eating disorder recovery,
a lot of it is getting our body and mind together,
working together and back on track.
And so something that I do is I'll go through a list
of all the things I've accomplished this day
or this week and thank my body and my mind
for allowing me to do those things.
For instance, right now I'm making a video.
My mind is able to remember what I researched,
my body feels well enough to sit here
and be present with you and I'm able to create this.
That's amazing.
I should be super thankful.
And so, it can be simple, little tasks
or more intense ones if you want
but just take the time to be thankful
and kind to yourself and this can be a great way
to just get started if you find some of the other ideas
that I've offered a little too hard.
And my final tip is to be patient.
Learning a whole new way to talk to yourself
and to live your life is gonna take time.
The old habits that you're fighting against
didn't get created in one day
so give yourself the time to try and try again.
Each time being mindful of how you're doing,
reminding yourself that you're not perfect
and that that's okay because you aren't supposed to be
and the last little tidbit is keep doing it.
It's a constant practice.
Yes it will get easier but we'll have to keep doing it.
Relationships take a lot of work,
especially the one that we have with ourselves.
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If you would like to support the creation
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click the link in the description and check it out.
I hope you found this video helpful.
I know all of us struggle with self-compassion
from time to time and like I mentioned
at the beginning, self-compassion leads to confidence
and resiliency, which are so important in life.
So, as always, leave in the comments.
Do you have other tips and tricks
and things that you've done to help yourself build
and grow and cultivate a healthy self-compassion,
share it because together, we're working towards
a healthy mind and a healthy body.
And I will see you next time, bye.