♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."
LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.
JON, ARE YOU STAYING WARM?
>> Jon: OH, I'M TRYING MY BEST.
I CAN'T GO OUTSIDE.
BUT THE SNOW, WE DIDN'T HAVE THAT GROWING UP IN NEW ORLEANS.
I'M STILL GETTING USED TO THIS LEVEL OF SNOW.
>> Stephen: DID IT EVER FOR ANY REASON SNOW BACK IN
NEW ORLEANS, EVEN ON THE STRANGEST DAY?
>> Jon: NO.
THE ENTIRE TIME I LIVED THERE, ALL 17 YEARS BEFORE I MOVED TO
NEW YORK, NOT ONE DAY OF SNOW.
WE NEVER HAD A SNOW DAY AT SCHOOL.
I DIDN'T EVEN SEE SNOW UNTIL I MOVED AWAY.
IT'S CRAZY.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST SNOW LIKE?
>> Jon: I DIDN'T HAVE A WINTER COAT, I REMEMBER THAT.
AND I REMEMBER HOW THAT FELT.
AND I WALKED AROUND, AND I REMEMBER MY HANDS STARTED TO
TURN BLUE.
THIS PART STARTED TURNING BLUE AND THAT'S WHEN I WAS, LIKE,
OKAY, I'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING BETTER ABOUT THIS.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, JON.
DO YOU HAVE ANY MUSIC TO WARM UP THE NORTHEAST CORRIDOR?
>> Jon: MMM, MMM -- ♪♪♪
YOU KNOW THAT?
♪♪♪ >> Stephen: NOT YET.
I'LL HAVE TO FIND OUT LATER.
JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU, JON.
>> Jon: LATER ON.
>> Stephen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE ARE LESS THAN A
WEEK AWAY FROM THE BIGGEST GAME IN MEN'S
FOOTBALL: THE SUPER BOWL, RIGHT HERE ON CBS!
SUPER BOWL, WHAT IS THAT?
50 WHAT?
LV RIGHT HERE ON CBS.
IT'S A BLOCKBUSTER MATCH UP BETWEEN PATRICK MAHOMES OF THE
KANSAS CITY CHIEFS AND TOM BRADY OF NOT THE PATRIOTS, BUT I'M
SURE TAMPA BAY LOVES OUR COUNTRY JUST THE SAME.
BUT THE SUNDAY SPORTS FUN WON'T STOP AT THE FOOTBALL BUZZER.
STAY TUNED AFTER THE GAME FOR A VERY SPECIAL "A LATE SHOW: SUPER
BOWL EDITION!" I'LL ROCKET OUT OF THE GATE LIKE
TYREEK HILL ON A GO ROUTE THROUGH A TAMPA BAY COVER TWO
DEFENSE, AND BY THE TIME WE AIR, I'LL HAVE HAD SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO
ME WHAT I JUST SAID.
EVERYONE KNOWS THE BEST PART OF SUPER BOWL SUNDAY IS THE PARTY:
GETTING TOGETHER WITH FRIENDS FOR CHIPS, DIPS, EATING COLD
CUTS WITH YOUR HANDS, CHUGGING A BEER, AND OTHER THINGS THAT
CAUSE BRAIN DAMAGE.
AND STAYING IN THE KITCHEN MOST OF THE TIME BECAUSE YOU HAVE
P.T.S.D. FROM THE SEARING ABUSE YOU SUFFERED AT THE HANDS OF
YOUR HIGH SCHOOL'S JOCKS.
OF COURSE, LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE HUMANS ENJOY, THE PANDEMIC HAS
CANCELLED ALL THAT.
AND THE C.D.C. HAS RELEASED NEW GUIDANCE ON HOW TO SAFELY ENJOY
THE BIG GAME.
INCLUDING, "THE SAFEST WAY TO WATCH THE SUPER BOWL THIS YEAR
IS AT HOME WITH PEOPLE YOU LIVE WITH."
ALSO KNOWN AS THE PEOPLE YOU NOW WORK WITH, THE PEOPLE YOU NOW
EDUCATE, THE PEOPLE WHO HIDE THE LAST PIECE OF THE JIGSAW PUZZLE
IN THEIR POCKET SO THEY CAN BE THE HERO WHO FINISHES IT.
WHERE IS THE LAST WATER LILY, EVIE?!
IF YOU DO ENJOY THE GAME WITH FRIENDS OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSEHOLD,
THE C.D.C. SUGGESTS HOSTING A VIRTUAL SUPER BOWL
PARTY.
WHICH IS GOING TO MAKE FOR SOME AWKWARDNESS ON ZOOM.
"I'M SORRY, I WAS ABOUT TO CHEER.
WERE YOU ABOUT TO CHEER?
YOU GO FIRST."
TO LIVEN THINGS UP, THE C.D.C.
SUGGESTS WEARING CLOTHING OR DECORATING YOUR HOME WITH YOUR
FAVORITE TEAM'S LOGO OR COLORS.
OH, MY GOD.
CLEARLY THE C.D.C. HAS NEVER BEEN TO A PARTY.
"I'D LIKE TO ISSUE SOME GUIDELINES FOR MY BIRTHDAY
FESTIVITIES.
WE COULD ADORN THE LIVING ROOM WITH COLORED RIBBONS OR PERHAPS
POUCHES OF LATEX INFLATED WITH SOME LIGHTER-THAN-AIR ELEMENTAL
GAS, TETHERED, OF COURSE, SO THEY DO NOT ASCEND TO AN
ATMOSPHERIC LEVEL WHERE THEY ATTAIN A NEUTRAL BUOYANCY.
TOWARD THE END OF THE EVENING, I WOULD ENJOY A SWEET
CONFECTION FEATURING MY NAME AND SOME SORT OF WAX-BASED
INCENDIARY DEVICES THAT I COULD EXTINGUISH AFTER IMAGINING SOME
GOOD FORTUNE THAT I HOPE TO BEFALL ME, IF I SUCCESSFULLY
EXTINGUISH ALL OF THEM WITH ONE LUNGFUL OF CARBON DIOXIDE."
BUT IF YOU'RE THE KIND OF PARTY ANIMAL WHO LIKES FOOTBALL MORE
THAN KEEPING YOUR LOVED ONES OUT OF THE HOSPITAL, THE C.D.C. SAYS
INDOOR GATHERINGS ARE SAFEST IF YOU DO NOT CHANT OR CHEER, AND
INSTEAD STOMP.
UNFORTUNATELY, THEY DON'T SAY WHAT TO DO IF YOUR NEIGHBORS
TAKE THAT ADVICE.
BECAUSE I AM UNAWARE OF A SOCIALLY DISTANT WAY TO MURDER
THE GUYS IN THE APARTMENT ABOVE YOU.
ANOTHER WAY TO KEEP A SUPER BOWL GATHERING SAFE IS BY LIMITING
ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION.
THIS IS A GOOD SUGGESTION, BECAUSE IF YOU THINK IT'S A GOOD
IDEA TO ATTEND A PARTY DURING COVID, YOU'RE ALREADY PRETTY
HIGH.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ETHAN HAWKE.
♪♪♪