- What if you asked three questions on a date
that made you more magnetic,
that also helped you decipher
if the person that you're dating or talking to
is actually gonna be a match to you?
In this video, I'm gonna share with you
what those three questions are,
how it will change your own energy,
and how it will help you get clear
with what you actually want,
and whether this person is the perfect partner.
Now, first off, with this,
understand that the questions we ask ourselves
go into the energy that we are showing up.
So for example, if when we're going on a date with somebody,
we're asking ourselves the question:
is this perfect person my soulmate?
Is this person my perfect partner?
Do they like me?
I hope they like me.
Are they interested in me?
Is there gonna be a second date?
These are all questions that when we ask,
they invoke a certain energy inside of us.
And the energy that it invokes inside of us
is an energy of, "Ooh, I hope you like me.
I hope the energy is good."
And it's energy of searching for approval
and for validation.
And I think a lot of times when people go on dates
and that's the energy they're leading with,
that's the energy of the questions
they're asking themselves,
that goes through their energy and other people feel it.
Now, remember, people feel what you feel about you.
And if you're asking yourself the question
like does this person like me?
Are they interested?
It's putting them on a pedestal.
It's making them very important.
And it's in a way, giving them the power
to either give you validation
or to disapprove and not give you validation.
So that's the energy frame.
That's called a frame that you are emanating.
Now realize this.
I'm gonna share with you also two questions
that change everything that you can actually ask them,
but I'm gonna share with you a question
that you ask yourself
that changes everything here in a second.
But realize that the energy
that you are feeling inside of your body
when you are in your own frame and you are present,
you are magnetic.
People feel that energy.
But when you are projecting energy at somebody else
and somebody else can feel that,
what ends up happening is it's something that then repels.
So remember this, the degree to which you are magnetic
is the degree to which you are not needy.
Non-neediness is the key to magnetism.
And non-neediness is when you're not looking
for somebody else to fill up the inner childhood needs
that you maybe didn't feel like they were fulfilled
or the needs that you're not giving yourself.
So the key to this is embodying non-neediness
by not needing anything from them
and not embodying that energy.
So when going on a date,
the question you wanna ask yourself is not,
will they like me?
Is there gonna be a second date?
The question you wanna ask yourself
is you wanna be curious, and you wanna ask yourself,
do I have things in common with this person?
Do I enjoy being around this person?
Ask the other person questions
because you're curious,
because you're seeing if there's something
that you have in common and you're seeing how the energy is.
So think about that.
The questions we ask ourselves,
go into the energy that we are feeling
and is gonna activate either neediness or non-neediness.
Neediness means I'm attached to your energy
and I'm attached to what you think about me
and I hope you like me.
Non-neediness is a reflection
of being present to the moment,
of not needing the means to an end.
This is a means to an end.
I'm gonna be nice to you.
I'm gonna ask you the right questions.
I'm gonna show you my hair a certain way
so that I get your validation approval.
Non-neediness is when you're present to the moment
and you're having fun.
You're going on the date to have fun,
not to to get this person because it's your soulmate.
And think about it as well.
If you tell yourself the story,
this person's my soulmate, we're meant to be,
is this person my soulmate,
you're giving so much pressure
and importance and also neediness too.
It's needy energy to be attached.
Needy energy is attached, by the way.
If I'm attached to what you think of me
or attached to whether you validate me or not,
it's a very different energy than me going in my own frame,
being present to the moment, and asking myself the question,
do I enjoy being with you?
Do I have something in common with you?
Do we have something in common?
Curiosity, in my own field.
Or projection, are you feeling this way about me?
This will change your energy.
And if you wanna find the perfect partner,
begin to get curious by what you're attracted to,
what other qualities someone else has that you like,
and become aware of that energy between you two.
But the one thing you wanna do
is you wanna pull your energy back
and you wanna be in your own frame.
And you wanna know that dating
is a process of figuring out who you have connections to
or attraction to and who you don't.
So realize that, but start to ask yourself the question:
what do I have in common with this person?
I wonder, curiosity, is this person and I gonna vibe?
Instead of thinking to yourself, I hope they like me.
Do they like me?
If I say this, is this stupid?
Become aware of these thoughts
and realize that they're all survival mechanisms,
normally, from the past to get people's validation approval.
You don't need it.
And a lot of times what happens is people abandon themselves
to make other people happy,
to get other people's validation approval.
And the key is to stop abandoning yourself
and start saying what you wanna say.
Start expressing the real you.
The more you share your heart,
the more you share the real you,
the more magnetic and attractive you'll be.
And you're not sharing the real you to get their attraction
or get them gone on a date with you.
You're sharing the real you
because it's who you prefer to be.
It's who you actually are. It's authentic.
All right.
The second question you wanna ask somebody else
is you wanna ask somebody else
and find out what their values are.
You don't necessarily have to say,
"So, okay, what are your values?"
You don't have to say it like that necessarily,
but through talking to someone else,
it's very important to find out if you have a lot in common,
what your values are
in the sense of what's important to you?
Your values are what's important to you.
We all have values that make up our life.
And one of the most important things
when dating someone is do they have shared values?
Because if you're talking to somebody
and let's say you value family and friends and connection
and your animal, or even your dog or your cat.
And say someone else says, "You know what?
I hate dogs and cats.
I don't really talk to my family ever.
I think it's annoying to even do so."
And there's like eight other things.
And it's not to say like if somebody doesn't have it,
they must have a perfect family situation
for you to be with them.
But in general, if it's, and again,
it depends on what your values are.
Not everyone values the family connection, right?
So it's like, you have to become aware
of what your values are
because your values,
if it's the things that are important to you,
you wanna find out, with curiosity,
what's important to them.
It might be important to you.
I was watching this show.
It's called "Love on the Spectrum,"
where there's these people that are autistic
or are like have a learning disability
or whatever you call it,
and they're going on dates.
Some of them have never been on a date ever.
And it's such a fascinating innocent show
to see these people's hearts.
Because people that are autistic
or have that kind of learning disability
or whatever we call it, they're very blunt and honest.
And they don't sugarcoat shit
the way that a lot of people do.
It's almost refreshing to watch.
And I've seen the parts of the Europe one
and there's a US one.
And I heard some like podcasters talk about it
so I watched that.
That was fascinating.
There was this one woman though that's on it
that was going on a date with this guy
that actually was into the law of attraction and stuff.
What's his name? Solomon, I think.
And it was very interesting.
But one of the things that she,
one of the reasons she had to break up with this guy,
and it was so sad to see too,
because I could totally see the dynamic between the two
where he just like had his heart broken.
And he was like, "You led me on," all of these things.
You can just tell he's just super heartbroken.
And there was probably some level of abandonment wound
that was there from his mom or something like that
because it was also his first time ever going on a date.
She was the first girl he ever kissed
and he was like 20 something years old,
'cause they kissed on the show actually.
But one of the things that she said to him
when they broke up was,
and one of the reasons they broke up
was because she valued,
she is like an animation person
that like makes animated art and stuff like that.
She has her own business and it's an important value for her
to have somebody else that is figured out
and is on their own purpose.
And because this guy worked at Ralphs, I believe,
or a grocery store, she was like,
"He isn't for me
because he doesn't have his life figured out yet.
I want somebody that's on their purpose."
And that's a value that they have.
So that's important.
It was actually a good thing that she did that
because she was being true to herself
and it was a value to her to be with somebody
that's also on their purpose and on their mission.
And in general, especially with the masculine,
I think it's important
that the masculine is on their mission,
figuring out their life or like focus in a certain vision.
That's what helps the feminine feel safe.
And she couldn't feel safe
because she was the one probably feeling masculine.
She has a lot of things figured out
and he's still figuring things out.
Now, the thing that you wanna become aware of
is what is this other person's values?
When I started going full time on YouTube,
and before YouTube,
I would date women that worked nine to five jobs they hate
because I worked nine to five job that I hated.
After I got on YouTube and I started doing what I love,
I realized the person that I'm with needs to be able
to travel with me.
This is just my values.
I value freedom
and I don't necessarily want somebody
that's working in nine to five job.
There's nothing wrong with a nine to five job,
but my values and I...
And since then, the woman I had dated,
and even my girlfriend, they do what they love.
They work for themselves.
They have that freedom.
And that's what's important to me
that I'm with somebody that I was like can travel with.
I don't have to like find out
if they can get like a week off.
They get two weeks off a year
like I used to get at Barneys New York and Nordstroms.
Two weeks off a year only for vacation
just didn't work for me.
And I didn't enjoy it.
And I don't wanna be within that same limitation
if I'm dating somebody to like take that energy on.
So if I was going on a day with somebody,
I would ask them, "What do you do?
What are you passionate about?
What are your values?
What is your connection to your family?
What about your friends?"
These are all values you can become aware of.
And maybe even somebody, let me ask you this.
Is it important to you to be with somebody
that is also into self-help or bettering themselves
or that is spiritual?
Like this video if that's the case
and look how many likes there are in this video
to see like how many other people
may value other people being into self-help
or these kind of things.
So these are things and questions you wanna ask.
You want to ask what their values are.
You wanna find out what their passionate about,
what's important to them.
That's the second thing.
Now the third thing you wanna find out
if you want this to be the perfect partner is,
and realize perfection, by the way,
is an expectation that we set.
Perfection is normally, I think, also an intimacy block
where it's like they have to have 10 things on this list
and if they don't have these 10 things,
then they're not the perfect partner.
That might also be an intimacy block
that is keeping you single first off.
So just realize that.
Perfectionism, a lot of times,
if we have a perfectionist mentality,
it's because as a kid,
we had to be perfect in order to be loved.
And then we expect the other person to be perfect
in order for us to love them.
So it's a reflection of that.
So let go of the perfections
by realizing you're good enough the way you are.
And then when you start opening up
and opening up your heart,
you'll start attracting people that also...
It's what you really want.
You probably want,
instead of all the lists, right?
Like this height, this eye color, this look,
all this like sometimes superficial things,
focus on the qualities that you'd want.
You might want an emotionally available person.
You might want someone that's present.
Different, right, than some stereotypical superficial thing.
So become aware of that
and become aware of the qualities
that will help you remove that block too
to attract that person.
But also the last thing you wanna ask them
or get curious about them is are they available?
Are they emotionally available?
And are they ready for a relationship?
Because sometimes you'll go on days with people
that may just want to have sex,
that may just want your validation even,
that just may want those things.
And if that's what they want, if that's their desire,
then it probably isn't gonna go
into being the perfect partner.
So realize that for this, what you wanna do,
one of the things you can do
is be vulnerable from the beginning.
And you are gonna save yourself a lot of time.
By being vulnerable,
it's like, say, "Oh, I'm ready to,
I'm dating because I wanna be in a relationship.
So I'm, you know?"
Not to say this date
has to lead to a relationship or anything.
But you make it clear that like,
"Oh, I'm intending to be,
Like, I'm opening myself up to a relationship,"
if that's what you want.
But I would imagine the perfect partner, you have to open,
leading with vulnerabilities is one of the things
that will open up your heart more than anything else
and help other people match that level
of vulnerability with you.
So for them to be emotionally available,
you can test that by asking questions.
Are you ready for a relationship?
Are you intending to be in a relationship,
ready for a relationship?
Where are you right now?
How long ago was your last relationship?
See if they're over that
and ready to be into something like that.
Like these are questions you ask
to see and to gauge them,
but you lead with vulnerability, with opening up your heart.
That's what you wanna focus on.
And as you focus on opening up your heart,
they will either take on that or they won't,
but that's okay.
Realize that this is a dating process.
This is about becoming aware of these different energies
and that as you do that, that changes everything.
So remember put the energy within.
Put the energy in your own frame, in your own body
and start asking yourself, am I passionate?
You start asking yourself, like get curious.
Do we have anything in common?
Realize you don't need them to validate you.
You don't need their approval.
Find out what their values are.
What is important to you?
What are you excited about?
What is your passion life?
Are you living your purpose?
And get clear as to what those are
and then see if they're emotionally available
by asking them, by being vulnerable,
by sharing, "Oh, you know,
I'm intending or looking for a relationship,
not just to date or have sex,"
if that's what you want.
And as you do, you will find and meet people
that will meet you in that way.
Now, if you haven't done the inner child meditations,
one of the most powerful meditations I have
for really healing the abandonment wound
and the energies inside of us that are active
that are repelling love,
and especially if we feel like we have needy energy at all,
this will completely clean out the needy energy,
help you be more magnetic.
It's a free meditation.
Go to aarondoughty.com/child
'cause it's an inner child meditation,
or click the link below.
Listen to that meditation.
Watch how much it changes your energy.
And then also if you want one
of the most powerful videos for having irresistible energy,
this video right here is the five traits, the five secrets
of extremely attractive people.
Watch this video. It will change your life.
These are the five traits of extremely magnetic people.
So people that you perceive to have very contagious energy,
energy that kind of pulls you in, makes you desire more.