You look great all of you.
And thanks for being here.
All of you sitting up nice and straight,
your mothers would be proud.
[LAUGHTER]
That's something that everybody is always telling you
to sit up nice and straight.
Everybody talks about posture, so I'm
going to talk about posture because people do.
[LAUGHTER]
More importantly, people talking about having a straight back.
I guess that is what posture is.
And I'm not going to make a straight joke here.
That's too easy and I respect myself too much.
I'm not going to say something like if I
did have good posture, it'd be the strangest thing about me.
I'm not going to do it.
[LAUGHTER]
I won't.
I don't know what good posture is.
I know I don't have good posture.
I know that this is like from the side.
Look, I do that.
See this.
And what I should do--
but see, I'm not sure what to do.
Like that doesn't look right.
It's too late now, because that's just--
but I don't want to keep doing that.
That would be bad.
Because that's what happens to a lot of people.
They start like that, and then as they get older, and then
before you--
I had a teacher in high school and that's how she walked,
like that.
Mrs. Woods, and that's how she walked all the time.
She could never see what was above her.
She was always-- anyway, my point is I don't have--
because I just don't understand how once you're this way,
it's too late.
I don't know how far back to put the shoulders
without looking weird.
So if you're a doctor, please write to Ellentube
and let me know what I should be doing because--
But most of us, here's the thing,
we're now sitting in front of computers all day long
and it's hurting our backs.
And not just our backs, it affects our shoulders
and our hips.
So if your hips hurt, it means you have bad posture.
And it's like Deepak Chopra says, the hips don't lie.
[LAUGHTER]
Did he say that?
I think so.
The things that help with posture are ridiculous, though.
There's this.
This is a brand called MYSEXY.
And have you seen this advertised.
I don't know why they call it MYSEXY.
Maybe they're trying to bring sexy back.
See what they did there?
[LAUGHTER]
See?
Yeah, I guess if I wore this, my back
would be as straight as Cargo Shorts and fraternities.
That's another story tale.
[LAUGHTER]
Comedy comes in threes, so look out for another one.
They're supposed to be working because it takes
the weight off your shoulders.
Again, doing that.
So if you wear it for two hours a day,
they said it prevents "slouching"
and it will arouse muscle memory.
Arouse muscle memory.
Now, it's starting to sound like some kind of sex thing.
So I'm going to buy it.
[LAUGHTER]
OK, let's move on.
So then there's a machine.
Here's a machine you can buy.
It vibrates and you put it in the middle of your back.
You can't really see it, but it vibrates
to remind you that you're slouching
to straighten your back.
And I don't want to pay for something
that's going to nag me.
It doesn't make sense.
I already have Mary, that's enough.
[LAUGHTER]
I don't know if Mary has good posture.
But her truck outside tells me she's not straight.
I'm done.
[LAUGHTER]
That's three.
All right.
Next there's something called--
all right, well, you'll see.
It's called-- here's what it's called,
Adjustable Colorful Sitting Writing Posture Corrector Kids
Study Support.
That's the actual name of that.
First of all that name is too, too long.
And the spelling of writing, there's two Ts in writing.
So your kid may set up straight, but now it's illiterate.
So--
[LAUGHTER]
I hope you enjoyed all that because I've got your back.
[LAUGHTER]