(clinking)
- Oh, thank you all for joining me
for an evening of conversation and vittles.
Now, please let me introduce you to
Dianne Diamonds, the diamond queen of North America,
professional basketball player
and great man of excess, Ricky Campbell,
Princess Winifred of Monaco,
tech billionaire Mark Zuckerberg,
the ghost of Andrew Carnegie,
and, of course, Grant.
- Hi.
Hey, so are we thinking separate checks?
- Thank you all so much for joining me this evening.
There's nothing on the menu less than $60.
- Yeah, so, separate checks?
- Oh, lets get a whole bunch of things and share.
- You know, I'm actually not that hungry.
- Oh, that'll be, like, easy.
- Guys, I am super excited to be
hanging out with all of you,
I just don't make as much money as you,
so if we could take it easy on the ol' wallet,
that'd be great.
- Oh, Grant.
- Can I start you all off with a beverage?
- Cocktails before wine?
- I do love spirits.
(laughing)
- Carnegie!
- I'm actually great with just water.
- How 'bout some champagne, you know, for the table?
- Yes, two bottles, please.
I love champagne.
- Yeah, you know, I'll tell you what,
Dianne, champagne, it's actually a marketing scheme.
But you know what's great?
Good ol' beer, huh?
Bottle of suds?
You and your buds?
(clinking)
- And for dinner this evening?
- Ooh, shall we start with the oysters sabayon?
- You know what I bet is great?
The bread.
- Yeah, give me your most expensive bread.
- Let's get the ghost peppers!
(laughing)
- All I know is I want truffles on everything.
- You know, I actually don't like truffles.
That's not what I meant.
- Now, what were we discussing?
Oh, yes, which credit cards have the best benefits.
- I have a debit card and the card they give you
when you're a credit risk.
- I don't understand.
- Mm, Grant, you know, I know what it's like
to have money problems.
- Ugh, it sucks, right?
- You know, I had no idea how little $500,000 a year was.
I'm in poverty.
I had to kill all of my animals.
- I eat office cereal for lunch.
- Grant, Grant!
If you're worried about saving money,
you should buy instead of rent!
The fed is gonna raise rates!
- I have $110 in my checking account.
I can't take the time off work.
No, I need the money.
What do you think work is?
- And of course I bought 40 airline tickets a year
with the black card.
They let you name a plane.
I've named seven of them, all Seabiscuit.
- Anything else, folks?
- No!
- More desserts?
- It's just getting so expensive.
- You know what's cooler than one dessert?
- Do not say--
- A billion desserts.
(laughing)
- Goodnight.
- Grant.
- I thought dinner was to die for.
(laughing)
- Carnegie, you don't always have to be on, you know?
- Hey, it's Grant from College Humor.
Click here to subscribe to the channel,
click here for more fun stuff.
Sorry, guys, it feels like I'm out.
Am I out?
Cause I can see the top of the camera, so it's,
is this better?
All right, it feels worse.
Okay, thanks for watching!