welcome to this fourth video on my newest book
ten weeks to love and abundance i am dr donnelly snipes
in the fourth chapter of the book you start talking about developing respect and it's not just
respect for others but also self-respect to create a life of of abundance and love it's necessary to
be respectful of yourself and others and recognize both the similarities and differences between you
if you've watched any of the other videos on my youtube channel especially the ones about
relationships or personality types you know that my husband and i are very very different people
but instead of getting angry with one another because of our very different perspectives
and approaches on things we embrace the differences and we use them to synergize
just like you have positive and negative magnets that work together he and i
balance the strengths that i have he doesn't have the strengths that he has
i don't have and we work really well together so respect means being aware of other people's
strengths and capabilities and just their general goodness as a human being and i truly believe
that the majority of people out there are good people and
even even if they have different perspectives than i do and that helps me in my daily life
have respect and patience and tolerance and all those other things it's also necessary to
develop self-respect for your strengths and individuality instead of constantly judging
yourself for not being how or what you think you should be i don't like that word should
you are what you are and it's important to love yourself for being who you are and that
is really hard for some people because they were taught that loving themselves was not okay
i would challenge that i think it's important to love and respect yourself for your strengths
your weaknesses your successes as well as your mistakes
everybody has different experiences which shape their beliefs behaviors and reactions people
also have different temperaments preferences and even love languages how much happier and
less stressful would life be if instead of judging people for having different thoughts
than you you accepted that their perceptions are their reality and their reactions and behaviors
make sense when you see it through that lens or through that perspective
you don't have to agree with everybody because you all have different experiences you're
viewing things through your own lens you're viewing things through your own perspective
however respect means accepting that each person's beliefs and reactions are valid for
them at that point in time and that takes a lot of patience for for people to recognize that okay
this person may be reacting very differently to this situation than i am
why is that i wonder what happened getting curious can be really helpful i wonder what happened in
their past that made them believe differently or perceive this situation differently than i do
so the respect self-assessment is pretty straightforward do you say things to yourself
you would never say to anyone else a lot of people are way nastier to themselves than they
are to other people way more judgmental do you hold yourself to a standard higher than you hold
others what makes a person deserving of respect in your mind is it what they do is it who they are
what is it that you can say in your mind this person deserves my respect
once you figure out what makes a person deserving of respect what does respect look like
how do you give respect what does that look like to you and do you regularly give respect to others
or are you very self-focused the five strategies for developing respect the first one is self-talk
and i encourage people to really start changing their self-talk that inner critic
to a voice that is positive empowering and constructive there's a
mnemonic device think that i use a lot and we talk about in the book t is what you're saying truthful
h is it helpful i is it being said in a way that's inspirational
n is it even necessary to say it at all and k if you do have to say it are you saying it in
the kindest way possible and that is true for self-talk as well as talking to others
the second one is ditching conditional love and what this means is instead of loving somebody for
what they do loving people for who they are even if they are not doing what you want them to do
even if they're being challenging recognizing that every single person deserves love a stands for
assert or the third one is assertiveness being assertive helps with respect because you are
telling people what you think but assertiveness means saying my perspectives are important and
your perspectives are equally as important my wants are important and your wants are
equally important when we're assertive we can communicate our thoughts wants and needs to others
so they can you know try to meet those as much as possible if we don't communicate what we
need then they can't help us and then a lot of times people get upset because they feel ignored
or unsupported well don't expect mind reading likewise don't try to read other people's minds
we're just not equipped to do that so assertiveness means also being open to listening
to others perspectives and respecting their perspectives even if they're different than yours
the fourth strategy is alternate explanations sometimes we just take things way too personally
and alternate explanations encourages us to ask ourselves what are three other reasons this person
may have acted this way if you're checking out and the cashier is all kinds of grumpy you may
be tempted not to be respectful of that person because it seems like they're not being respectful
of you what are three other explanations maybe the person's car died or they got yelled at by their
boss or something else maybe it has nothing to do with you and they're really struggling to just get
through the day you know using a little compassion and empathy there you know it can you may be able
to respect them for continuing to try to do their job even though it feels like the rest of their
life is falling apart so alternate explanations can help you be a little less sensitive and
self-centered in your perceptions of things and finally the golden rule do unto others
as you want them to do unto you so respect is all about the golden rule if you want someone to
pick up their trash when they drop it on the floor you know then obviously you want to be respectful
of them and pick up your trash if you drop it on the floor think about in a household how can you
be respectful of others or even in an office i remember several offices i worked in where
somebody would end up putting a note above the sink that said if you make a mess you clean it up
well that seems like common courtesy and guess what respect so thinking about what you do
and how you do it are you being respectful of others and are you being respectful of yourself
as always the book contains discussion writing meditation prompts and activities
for helping you develop each of these strategies
when you're respectful of yourself and others you accept personal responsibility for your own life
you feel worthy and others view you as worthy you project the fact that hey i'm good enough
i'm smart enough and gosh darn it people like me to quote stuart smalley you value yourself enough
to make healthy choices you feel empowered to follow your values and have and maintain your own
boundaries you recognize that and respect yourself enough to maintain your boundaries and not
let people walk on you for example you protect yourself from being taken advantage of
you feel happier and more self-confident you're better able to see other people's perspectives and
respect those perspectives as theirs you don't have to agree but recognizing that that's how
that person sees the world and you strengthen relationships with people who can support and
nurture you and help you achieve your goals and create that life of love and abundance