-Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show," everybody.
Thank you for watching. I appreciate it.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well, guys, former president Trump is in the news.
Apparently he's been trashing Florida governor Ron DeSantis
behind his back, calling him a dull guy who has no chance of
beating him in a potential 2024 matchup.
[ Laughter ]
Trump was like, "I have to insult him behind his back
'cause I can't tweet it to his face."
[ Laughter ]
I feel like Trump is slipping.
A few years ago he would have had like 10 nicknames
for this guy by now. It's like, "Ron Dull-Santis."
[ Laughter ]
I think the insults backfired 'cause just hearing Trump's name
jump-started Biden's approval rating back up in the 50s.
[ Laughter ] It's in the 50s now. Yeah.
I think this is actually a nice change
'cause usually when two Florida guys get into a fight,
they're drunk and shirtless.
[ Laughter ]
But DeSantis doesn't seem fazed.
He said that he's going to handle the insult
just like COVID and completely ignore it.
[ Laughter ]
And speaking of the former president,
this weekend he held his first rally of the year.
Let's take a listen to what he had to say.
-The grocery shelves, the department store shelves,
they're empty.
You had an excuse not to buy Christmas gifts.
You say to your loved one, "Darling, I'm sorry.
I love you very much, but I just can't.
There's no merchandise in Tiffany.
I wanted to buy you the most beautiful ring,
but they don't have any rings anymore.
Nobody has anything."
We never even heard the term "supply change."
[ Laughter ]
-Supply change.
Well, a year off, and he's still got it.
I think he's still got it. I think...
[ Cheers and applause ] I think he's still got it.
He's right. He's right. He's right.
We've never heard the term "supply change."
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-And then he started talking about things
being expensive 'cause of inflammation.
[ Laughter ]
Trump knows exactly what concerns working families --
the ring inventory at Tiffany's.
[ Laughter ]
Well, guys, as if we're not dealing with enough right now,
doctors are warning people against a new TikTok trend
called "sleepy chicken,"
where people cook chicken in NyQuil.
-No! [ Laughter ]
-Yes. -No.
-Yeah. -What?
-There's actually another name
for chicken that makes you sleepy.
It's called turkey. [ Laughter ]
Just eat turkey.
That's right. Doctors are warning people
against cooking chicken in cold medicine.
[ Laughter ]
I mean, the recipe is wild. Take a look at this recipe.
It says add oil to pan then add chicken.
Then sauté in bottle of NyQuil.
[ Laughter ]
After that, cook chicken through,
transfer to plate, and then enjoy.
After that, wake up facedown in plate four hours later.
[ Laughter ]
Next, stumble into garage,
drive car straight through garage door.
Then drive to Taco Bell on wrong side of road
going three miles per hour.
After that, remove shirt, demand eggplant parm and a Twinkie.
Then get arrested. [ Laughter ]
Next, use one phone call on the only number you remember --
the house you grew up in as a kid.
[ Laughter ]
Then spend night in jail, join gang for protection.
After that, get neck tattoo of prison nickname --
"Sizzurp Chicken."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Then gain freedom but lose job as high school principal.
And finally, refrigerate leftovers.
So, I mean, it's a tricky recipe.
Just stay away from it. [ Applause ]
Hey, did you guys see this?
A Norwegian cruise ship canceled its trip
mid-voyage due to COVID.
[ Laughter ]
And now a bunch of passengers are stuck at sea.
Norwegian told the passengers, "There's no reason to panic.
There's plenty of NyQuil chicken for everyone."
[ Laughter ]
Passengers are furious.
They're like, "When I booked this cruise
during a COVID surge, who knew this could happen?"
[ Laughter ]
Everyone's just stranded and angry.
That's got to be a lot of pressure
for the cruise ship comic.
"So, where are you folks being held from?"
[ Laughter ]
I saw that over the weekend on the Saturday edition
of the "Today" show, one meteorologist had a cough
coming on, and she did her best to fight through it.
Just watch this.
-Well, our friends out west have lucked out with dry conditions
and mild conditions out towards the Rockies.
And, of course, we're seeing... that winter storm
that's going to impact the East Coast.
[ Coughs ] Excuse me.
Let's go ahead and take a look at your...forecast.
[ Laughter ]
-Somara getting a little bit of water,
and she will be back with more in just a bit.
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, my gosh.
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, poor thing.
[ Laughter ]
-She sounds like the captain of a Norwegian cruise.
[ Laughter ]
At first it looked like she was just overcome with the emotion
at the sight of a cold front.
And then "I -- I promised myself I wouldn't do this."
[ Laughter ]
Could we just watch that again just 'cause it's funny?
[ Laughter ]
-Of course, we're seeing... that winter storm
that's going to impact the East Coast.
[ Coughs ] Excuse me.
Let's go ahead and take a look at your...forecast.
[ Laughter ]
-Some business news -- I saw that once again
Netflix increased its monthly subscription prices.
[ Audience booing ]
Apparently Netflix's plan is to take so much of our money
that we'll have to enter a real-life squid game.
[ Laughter ]
Netflix says that you can either pay the increase
or enjoy not knowing what anyone's talking about
for the next 70 years.
[ Laughter ]
And finally, I heard that there's a new push here
in New York City to put trash containers on the streets
so that there aren't giant mountains
of trash bags on the sidewalks.
It's like a developer came in and said, "I got it --
rat condominiums."
[ Laughter ]
It should be great.
This way, instead of having to look at ugly piles of trash,
we'll get to see all these beautiful dumpsters.