Testing, testing, testing 1 2, testing.
[intro music plays]
Welcome to World Records Live,
today, Matt Samuels will attempt to claim the title of,
"World's Fastest Reader".
Show us what you've got, Matt.
[cheers and applause]
Happy to be here, Christina.
Today, I'm going to warm up by reading,
"Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone".
[cheers and applause]
Aw, aah-huh.
Oh, he lives under the stairs.
[laughs] Hey, Quidditch!
He Who Shall Not Be Named?
[gasp] He's a wizard! [more laughing]
Oh my god, Harry did it!
Done.
Wow!
[cheers and applause]
Incredible.
You read it so quickly. A
Pfft.
Uhm, sorry, what was that, Sound Guy?
No, it's okay, speak up.
Sound Guy, you got something to say?
I, uhh, sorry, I just find it difficult to believe is all I mean.
How do we know he didn't read it beforehand?
A valid point. Matt?
It's OK Christina, I've been dealing with skeptics my entire life.
Which is why I always carry a brand-new, fresh, never-opened book with me at all times.
[sniffs it] Check it out. That new, fresh, book smell.
Smell those crisp pages. No crease on the spine.
Yeah, that's a new book if there ever was one.
Observe, I will now read, "The Hunger Games".
For the very first time.
Mmmm. I've never heard of this book.
[laughter]
Alright, [clears throat]
Oh, wow! Here we go now! Oh my--This is crazy! U
Oh my god! She volunteered? No!
Oh my god, he painted himself as a rock?
Bows and arrows! These games are so hungry!
Oh, she did it!
Done.
[cheers and applause]
That's really amazing!
Matt, you truly have a gift.
What the hell are you talking about?
It's a major motion picture, OK? - Is it? - Everybody knows that!
Look, anybody can do this, watch.
Oh, "The Fault in Our Stars"! it's brand new, I've never heard of this book before. Here we go!
Oh, no, cancer! Sad.
Oh no! Romance! Oh, the cigarette!
Oh, oh! More cancer!
Classic John Greene.
Oh! Done.
See? Everyone knows these stories.
But they don't know this one.
[cheering and applause] P
George, George!
George R.R. Martin?
Wow, Mr. Martin! What a pleasant surprise!
I hold in my hand the firstly completed manuscript for the sixth "Game of Thrones" novel.
"The Winds of Winter".
And I propose we test this young man's skill with it.
Afterwards, we shall quiz him on the plot.
Cool by me, as long as this, "Sound Guy" or whatever he calls himself is cool hearing spoilers.
Spoilers? Dude, you're not even reading the friggin' book.
Alright, let's read this thing.
Good luck to you sir.
Alright, timer is ready, and...
Go!
Oh, huh! Oh, hah!
Ho ho, classic Cersei.
[sings "Game of Thrones" opening theme]
Yes! No. Yes! Dragons and stuff?
Oh my goodness! Gee willikers!
Oh, unbelievable! U
Done.
[cheering and applause]
That's truly amazing.
Matt, if this stands, you've currently shattered the world record for a novel of this length.
Yeah, we'll see.
Shut up.
You've got the world record time,
but do you have the world record
comprehension of the text?
Mr. Martin, the questions please.
Oh sorry, here you go.
True or False? In "The Winds of Winter", a main character dies.
True.
Yeah, he's right.
Okay!
No! No! No!
No! No!
No!
That's not fair!
It's "Game Of Thrones". Characters die on like every page!
Okay? That's- that's a thing.
It's true.
All right, very well, a harder question.
True or false: In "The Winds of Winter", Sansa gives birth.
Mmmm, uh,
I'm gonna have to say, neither true nor false! L
Ha! See? He has no idea what he's talk--
Because!
[laughter]
It's a trick question.
Sansa doesn't technically give birth, in any traditional sense.
She gives birth to the koala, by vomiting it out of her mouth, after eating some bad eucalyptus at a..
"Ruby Tuesday".
[laughter]
Mmm, this is correct!
[cheers and applause]
What? That is--that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard!
It doesn't seem like that when you read it. Mr. Martin's prose is, razor sharp.
Thanks.
Okay, Sansa goes to a "Ruby Tuesday", and then pukes up a frickin' koala bear?
No, no, you got it all wrong. Koalas aren't bears, they're marsupials.
[laughter]
Third and final question. There was a typo in Chapter Nine. What was that typo?
And this, is where he exposes himself as a frau-- A
No!
No, no, no.
I say, I actually remember this one. Spider-Man's name was curiously written as Spidder-Man.
Mmm.
Yes it's true, I said Spidder-man.
[cheers and applause]
Are you kidding me? What? No! Are you kidding me? What's Spider-Man doing in this book?
Well, he's the only one powerful enough to combat with the koala-dragons.
Okay, Spider-Man doesn't exist in Westeros, and neither does "Ruby Tuesday".
Um, I don't believe that's for you to say, sir.
Yeah? Well, maybe it should be! 'Cause apparently you've lost your fat-ass mind! What happen's in Book Seven,
huh? Batman eats too many shrimps at "Sizzlers"?
That's not a bad idea.
Do not write that down! Do not write that! Gimme that! You write the greatest book series of our generation!
Thank you.
And now you're ruining it!
Oh no, you don't understand, the prose--
The prose is razor sharp! Oh, it's the sharpest novel ever written about Spider-Man battling koala-dragons inside..
chain restaurants! N
Thank you.
That's not a compliment! I quit! My life is a lie!
[cheers and applause]
I uh, actually have a draft of Book Seven if you wanna take a look-see at my book-see.
I would be delighted.
See.
Oh! Ah! Oh! Ah!
[laugh]
Vintage Jon Snow!
What! No! Get out! Oh hell yes! [gasp] Holy Toledo! Aah! Tyrison was a full-sized person the hole time?
[laughter]
The foreshadowing was there since Book One.
Does that make everyone else a giant?
[cheers and applause]
Hey guys! Thank you so much for watching Smosh Live! - And huge thank you to "5 Gum" who made this whole
thing possible. Z