After a month of voting...
the people have spoken...
and instead of doing one...
we're going to do them all.
But which title achieved HGT immortality?
You'll have to watch to find out.
Welcome...to Gauntlet Month!
In fourth place...
The following trailer is rated "H" for "Honest".
In a world where more and more games are going multi-platform,
discover the Sony exclusive
that's been convincing you to get a PlayStation for two generations
because LittleBigPlanet JUST wasn't cutting it--
inFAMOUS.
Unlock your hidden potential
as you zap your way through Sucker Punch's off-brand superhero series
and find out what happens when a developer decides to skip out on all the licensing and red tape
and just make their own superhero
because, uh...
it's going to be pretty tough to convince Disney to let your main characters do THIS.
Ugh...
Now THAT just seems excessive.
Slip on the late '90's DJ outfit of the PS3 protagonist Cole MacGrath,
a grimacing, bald video game man with the most X Games name imaginable,
or his PS4 counterpart,
a younger, edgier hero
whose name sounds like a Star Wars bounty hunter,
as they unlock powerful magic powers because science or something like that,
and either fight to protect their city and its people
or CRUSH all the disgusting normies beneath their heels,
until the government starts to round up all the mutants by force
in a plotline that's pretty much just X-Men with the casual murder turned up to eleven.
Immerse yourself in a morality system as deep as an inflatable kiddie pool,
where you'll choose between protecting the innocent
and just being a real dick to everyone for no particular reason.
Then continue down that path exclusively for the rest of the game like you're playing KotOR,
since the strength of your powers are directly tied
to how many people you've sucked of their sweet, sweet life juice,
because moral gray area is for people who just can't commit.
WHEEEEEEEEEE!
Traverse the sprawling cities of the inFAMOUS series with your elemental powers,
from traditional lightning, fire and ice
to hipster abilities like smoke,
to hipster abilities like smoke, neon,
to hipster abilities like smoke, neon, video
to hipster abilities like smoke, neon, video and...
to hipster abilities like smoke, neon, video and... biting sarcasm.
[Not!Cole] "I'm just a lowly smoke guy!"
As you tear dozens of new assholes simultaneously
with a suite of dazzling abilities
that completely overwhelm most of the hapless goons you're fighting.
Then realize that fun movement and snappy combat
is making up for mediocre open-world design,
where tons of collectables and cookie-cutter side missions keep the map from looking empty
and do more to pad out the length than actually make the game fun.
But you'll do them anyway, because checking boxes off a list
makes you FEEL like you've accomplished something in your life.
Isn't psychology fun?
Experience the history of the inFAMOUS franchise,
from the PS3-xcly that started it all,
with engaging, if slightly finicky, gameplay that shocked the critics,
to the sequel that raised the voltage,
gave you some new skills
and polished the first game's rough edges,
the DLC that made you into a vampire for no reason,
the third game that threw you literally into the next generation
and made you the Mega Man of superpowers,
The standalone side story where they thought it would be fun to give you way less powers than the main game
and you play as a sassy millennial whose power is to do laser graffiti.
Man, if they want to make another one of these things
it's going to be really hard to make those powers hipper and edgier.
Personally, I'm looking forward to fidget spinner powers
and dabbing that makes people explode.
So juice up your conduit
and unlock a franchise sealed forever behind a barrier of brand loyalty
that's pretty darn solid if you're willing to pay the price of admission.
And at least one thing's for sure,
And at least one thing's for sure, it's definitely better than [PROTOTYPE].
YEAH!!!
Suck it, people on the other side of that argument from 2009!
Starring...
Jason Statham as a Lightbulb,
Super Banksy,
Raiden,
Bloodrayne,
Johnny Gat,
Ice Queen,
Who Do? Voo Do!,
Magmar,
Tumblr,
World of Lonecraft,
and...
and...Makes You Hard.
Heroes.
You know, you can do some PRETTY messed up things in inFAMOUS,
but nothing is more messed up
than Cole kicking the sh*t out of Parappa in PlayStation Battle Royale.
I mean, that's technically animal abuse, right?
Tune in the rest of the month for the gauntlet result.
Thank you for years of support. This month is for you guys.
Comment below on what you want me to read in my epic voice!
"Girl, I wanna take you to a Quasar."
"Did I pay my bills yesterday?"
"sleep is for the weak"
"Let's! Let's give it everything we got, iiiiit's punishment time!"