day one Tom Segura starting comedy what
advice would you give yourself that
their God and stop eating so much
[Music]
I was born ready for this you guys ready
I'm gonna show you my crib Austin it
fast and it passed in the console Oconto
that's magic right there
oh I'm about to make you the best of a
bottle taco in America dawg I'm gonna
make this taco fly for you homie you
never seen no taco slide where you at
Burt I want to feed you
where you at Joe Rogan where you at Joey
Diaz I'm the greatest at ghetto of all
time boom
ain't no one better I'm the greatest
[Music]
what's up everybody welcome back to
another episode of Bacchus control Oh
the season finale this episode's special
because we got Tom Segura and Christina
P the jay-z and Beyonce of the comedy
world I'm gonna curate a nice date night
I'm gonna take them out to some of the
best taco spots in LA what's more
romantic than a taco spot a throne pool
having that I kind of pull up all the
stops just to reinvigorate Reece part
the love and I'm here what better place
in tacos 1986 to have some of the best
world-class world-famous al pastor taco
this city has to ain't no outlet store
in this house man on the other wall
tacos that's what I'm talking about
I get on me on Ariane 1986 season finale
let's go
that goes corn what eat you will happen
is someone well hey guys we're we're
here I'm fans of you both and you guys
have a podcast together you guys are
raising a family when was the last time
you guys went on a date exactly so I'm
here to take you guys out on a date
night nice so what was the first date
night spot like for you guys why do we
go well the first one we went to a bar
and back then she was like oh I know
this bar that you can still smoke
cigarettes in why okay I didn't smoke at
the time but I was like I guess this lot
lizard does do you want a hike Runyon
like a good la day all right what do you
think about a [ __ ] Adia that makes it so
special like do you think do you think
it's a good or a bad place to have a
first date night I think this is dope
for a date I love a place that
specializes in one one restaurants that
have like a menu that folds out for time
right page and then there's like Italian
food and Mexican food Greek but you look
the [ __ ] do you guys do pick something
right so like I love that it's one thing
and you just do it really really well
it's something just romantic I mean look
at that that throne post Betty
like an abstract heart and the guy
flexing that radius to get alive hey
Floyd Mayweather on the greatest see and
that's another sign of a great taqueria
there has to be someone at the helm
that's got a big personality are you
guys hungry
oh yeah all right let's get some food
going to work in champ of the world
he said that meats fat and sweaty like
Bert do all the while I quesadilla here
tell me can you tell me what I'm getting
right here you got welcome and may
tortilla with cheese a la plancha which
makes it a quesadilla with a vibhava
onion cilantro Walker molding and salsa
oh you got the juice dripping down
that's how you know what's what are you
what do you think mr. goes hard right
back a dough me you're 90 of mercury of
the tackle game or hunter MacGregor but
we got off the menu item here this
what's not on the menu that's called el
patron this one said burrito because it
has no beans as my man Joey Diaz likes
to say [ __ ] the points yeah today you've
been at the kettle now for how long ah
10 years 10 years and I and I feel like
there's a lot of similarities between
what the kettle's do and what comedians
do it's like early on I remember
standing outside trying to pass out
getting people inside most your early
days were outside barking trying to get
people in from that first date was just
like trying to get attention and I just
started posing and I'm the greatest and
throwing kisses ain't no other tuck it
all out there better than like I went
the Muhammad Ali route you know yeah I
got figured I had to make noise all the
time you were talking [ __ ] but you were
back and up exactly exactly
we give this this is so good
double look at him look out wrong his
eyes are rolling back Rose a dream come
true dr. Cooper one autumn in the
forehead for Luda what's your version of
like a heckler a heckler is a guy that
it's like we're busy and the guys like a
where's my food and I have to be like
hey homie you didn't get the kiss from
your girl today or what like I put the
pressure on here you know like you don't
pressure me I used to work at a
restaurant on sunset back in the day and
like sometimes dudes would come in and
be like came in hey not like that and
would try to walk back into the kitchen
you know tell you how to make the thing
yeah they'd be like hey do you can't be
back and they're like no I can tell you
how to make it never in my life would
your work in the restaurant business
hands yeah I worked at a fancy French
restaurant and I had to learn how to
open bottles of wine and Russians used
to always come and they always want that
Long Island iced tea long guy lady leave
the bottles and the bushes and stop
waiting tables and serving the public
really teaches you about humanity and
makes you humble as [ __ ] thank you so
much what'd you guys think
yeah it is so perfect and the insides
everything's perfect I mean look at
podcasts almost ten years you guys been
together a long time it seems like you
guys know each other pretty well I want
to see how well you guys know each other
you guys down to play game okay cue the
echo sound How well do you know your
partner okay all right everybody in
number one is what's your secret guilty
pleasure that people don't know about
that's question of yours know yours okay
what's your guess
yours is the melted cheese on a plate
damn it
yes is it no watch teen movies to all
the boys I've loved before I like tea
that's not a guilty pleasure that's
gross things I eat when no one's looking
that's exactly what okay so I'm gonna
guess your guilty pleasure shitty music
like forever 21 music that I make fun of
you for you didn't get it your answer is
saakasu play over one alright you're
watching porn what are your top three
keywords in the search bar oh you know
I'm just talking yes you do
okay okay I don't know the third we
should have made it top ten okay then we
got our answer
yeah all right Christina blinds ding see
ya okay okay so Tom what are the three
keywords that you cut in in the search
bar ready yeah ready gangbang gangbanged
is that true ah black yes wearing masks
yes you said you want them in mess so
you kind of got it first Bing Bing all
right man well hey what do you guys say
we chase these tacos down yeah with some
more talking yeah you guys down let's go
ahead and do the spot okay yeah
thank you for coming it's a dream come
true what does a be hey well not the
bottom
[Music]
so if you guys had a taco spot right you
guys are about to open up your taco
restaurant what would you call it and
what kind of tacos you dropping over
there Oh jeans tacos right Korean jeans
[ __ ] it
the venom yeah miss glia mescal here
miss clear tacos
I think you need to man something you
know tacos tacos and titties do like no
hooters of tacos yeah how about tacos
and dumps like these tacos as big as
these tortillas get your B oh here it is
on the right that's right they original
taco alleys yeah there's gonna be dope
man the combo streets to the treats they
got the sauce buffet right here and this
key right here
yes a photo disc acaba yeah
starting with the drink back go out of
it but I wanted to out of it
yeah I'll show you the top it's meat
when you look at that you're like that's
warm
almost like ever after son mis amigos
comedian Tom Christina you got your meat
glasses on
yeah yeah delivering killer el aceite
los ojos galore
it's so soothing you watch that meter
yeah upon the time it needs a panic
attack
is it over come on
that's how he knows what to cut yeah I
heard that's good [ __ ]
[Music]
yes personal asset a familiar mi hermano
tiene más de Trenton el dinero Saco
Saravanan Puebla ela sell tronco me
esposo la corte yo yo self Quezon carga
de Estados si le digo que lo tacos are a
base on the asuna copy of the laws do
not colonial Vanessa in puebla entonces
por el Skelly jammin on tacos Erebus a
pleasant rally there's no communal
purple or losantiville Rago pero el
carro no no son area mucho como Samantha
: but as compiled all I said on a set of
purple peanut Akira you need to know
that you're about to sacrifice most of
your life if you don't put your all
you're not gonna make it here guys
second spot we're about to dive in this
is a original taco a lot of it
they got cheese avocado the shwarma
tortilla we also got some more Lopez
which is like a Mexican calzone if you
will and then we have the Castlevania so
dig in guys do it I'm ready this is
heaven by the way it's bad it's so good
I would drive down here just to drink
this every girl is hard right oh my god
let's eat all right now you wanna fight
somebody
Detroit is on point the meat it's all
about the meat what do you think about
the cheese it's like a little like yeah
I get with string cheese and there's a
kid back there just pulling it apart
this is great oh man
and the swarm of pieces right yes it
tastes like bacon almost to me it's
similar like those dick tips like those
burnt dick tips yeah burnt ends burnt
out beef tips I think they're calling
that dick ship so not interested
[Applause]
so a lot of people Christina did not
know that Tom spoke Spanish
oh how long due to the relationship did
you find out that he spoke Spanish
alright when you took me home to meet
his mom and then the two of them were
like brothers I'm like oh talking [ __ ]
beyond herself or [ __ ] she's a dirty
girl mom and my mom was like I could
tell I was gonna ask you so now you're
torn in Spanish what does that feel like
are you starting all over again I mean
it's a it's really actually the most
exciting thing that I've done in standup
I feel like in my whole career yeah
because in English nothing you haven't
figured out you're always trying to
figure it out but just there's like kind
of a rhythm that you get used to of
doing it and not doing it in Spanish
it's the kind of nerves but like
excitement that I felt when you're like
two or three years in mm-hmm have you
seen him nervous before the show kind of
thing the date that he was gonna do his
first Spanish hour I think you were
really nervous I haven't seen that
nervous since like 2005 yeah it was like
he was starting over and I had so much
admiration for him to even do that I
mean I can't even imagine what prepared
a lot what's the biggest difference you
would say like from English to Spanish
you know one of the challenging parts
has been like dialect stuff because the
Spanish I speak is mostly from South
America from Peru yeah make it perfect
why I speak Christina if Harry Potter
spoke Spanish that's what he would sound
like
I think Spanish like if I was from
Alabama Mexico real like we do for real
he speaks a good is Castellanos
[Applause]
[Music]
so I was gonna ask her Christina yeah
you know you have your podcast where my
mom's at you talked about like mom
comedy where my mom's at yes can you
tell me what that means for people that
don't know what it is I guess it is kind
of a newer Elaine of stand-up where now
women are really talking about the
ambivalence of motherhood and not just
like it's amazing you know I like to
talk about the real stuff that no one
really wants to admit to because I think
that's the juicy fun part the annoying
parts because everything I see so far is
too [ __ ] it's like just a couple of
thuggery moms like we drank wine and
what is this whole [ __ ] like we're all
alcoholics like that's the only joke
right now is like we're drinking wine
and that's fine if you dig it but this
is an honest take on things yeah yeah
because I think social media like I
think women especially are conditioned
to be polite compliant and not
complaining and never say anything
that's remotely unattractive right so
you know once you get out of the matrix
as a woman you're like what it's fun to
explore that stuff the landscape is a
thousand times different nobody wanted
to hear me talk seventeen years ago now
it's all the rage to hear a woman talk
right [ __ ] great
[Music]
Brenden comedian watching this any piece
of advice that you would have you would
have become an accountant I don't do it
don't do it don't do it why why don't
they it's not gonna work out man
okay don't follow your dreams work out
so well for ViCAP don't do it you don't
want this awesome oh no a minute I mean
the truth is is that it is it's an
awesome ride you know I mean it's not
it's like it's an awesome ride but I
would say my best advice to a young
comic is ask yourself if you're obsessed
yeah if you're not obsessed you really
shouldn't do it if you are obsessed just
lean in man guys go go for it you know
it's a marathon and I think what
happened with like those those contests
comedy shows and stuff is that it gave
the illusion that there's a shortcut to
stand up there is no shortcut it is a 10
year sentence minimum people would
[ __ ] tell me you're never gonna have
the same career as a man you're too
pretty
you should be stupid or you jack dumber
in your act so like people telling me
[ __ ] for 17 years
how you like me now [ __ ] hey man thank
you guys so much horse you guys are
great jeans jeans man jeans for life all
the way gracias compadre Torito after
Ron Torito el Tehran pepper Vito in
Tehran pepperoni burrito
Ron el perrito simply holy toe Yelp a
rom-com free whole hey what's going on
everybody for first we feast I'm Sean
Evans and you're watching hot ones it's
the show with hot questions and even
hotter tacos tacos bro hey Suz Trejo is
in the building
tacos con todo a new show on first we
feast Tuesdays at 11:00 a.m. this is the
initiation a last dab taco oh yeah hey
Suz Trejo
welcome to the family mom thanks ma'am
this is gonna hurt tomorrow