-It is time to play a game
of deception called "True Confessions."
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-My first opponent tonight is the host
of "Late Night with Seth Meyers."
Please welcome Seth Meyers!
[ Cheers and applause ] Wow.
Smooth. Smooth as silk.
What's that? [ Both laugh ]
-I, uh -- I came -- -Wow. Smooth as silk.
-I came in for rehearsal earlier.
-You really -- wow. Oh, my God.
Seth Meyers with us. Seth and I will be facing off
against a very talented actress.
Her new show, "Kevin Can F Himself,"
airs Sundays at 9:00 p.m., on AMC.
Give it up for Annie Murphy!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
All right, that's -- that's what I'm talking about.
That's what it's all about. All right.
-Yes. -Here we go!
All right. Here's how this works.
In front of us are two envelopes containing confessions.
One is true, the other is a lie.
Once you read your confession, the other two players
get to interrogate you. Then they have to --
You have to come up -- they have to come up with
a unanimous decision -- is it the truth or a lie?
-Mm. -Seth, you will go first.
-Okay. -What envelope should he open?
One or two? What do you guys think?
[ Crowd shouts two ] -Whoa! Unanimous two.
-They all said two, you know? -Two.
-I quit Pop Warner Football because we had to strip
to our underwear, and I wasn't wearing any.
[ Laughter ]
-You quit Pop Warner because --
You're very athletic. So I would say you did
play Pop -- what -- Did you play any other sports?
-Yeah. I played baseball, sure.
Ran a little track. -Uh, I have a question.
-Sure.
-Why were you not wearing any underwear?
-I was in a rush to get to Pop Warner Football.
[ Laughter ] -Why were you in a rush?
-Yeah, why were you in a rush that day?
-I was excited. -How excited were you?
[ Laughter ]
-You guys, this is about football.
-I know, of course it is! Yeah.
You were excited. You go, "I can't wait.
I'm going to Pop Warner Football."
-Yeah. -And you go to them, they go,
"Hey, we got to strip down so you can get sized up."
-Yeah. They're like, "We need to figure out
what size you guys are for your pads."
-And Pop -- And Pop Warner is -- you're teenaged? No.
-Younger. -Younger than that.
-12. -12!
-Wow. -Yeah.
-Would you ever leave the house with no underwear?
-I mean, I would say one out of every five days I would.
[ Laughter ] -What were you wearing?
-Jeans. -Wow.
Jeans, no undies. -Mm-hmm.
-Ouch! -Yeah.
That's rough stuff there. This is very interesting.
Because I feel like you're so tricky
that you would make me believe this whole thing about football.
Because I know you like sports. -Yeah.
-So that would have me steer off
and believe whatever story about sports.
-If I was lying, that's exactly what I'd do.
[ Laughter ]
-I mean, I don't know you at all.
-Right. [ Laughter ]
-So this is -- -This could go either way, yeah.
-This could go either way. This is difficult.
-I think -- I'm gonna say it's true.
Do you agree with me?
That he didn't have any underwear?
-I think you're lying. -Wait. You think he's lying?
-I think he's lying. -Oh.
I'm gonna stick with Annie, then.
-Oh! [ Laughter ]
-Well, we have to be unanimous.
-Oh, we have to be unanimous? -Yeah, yeah.
-Oh, well, no. That's is a lot of pressure.
-Yeah. We think you're lying.
-Well, you're lucky Annie's here because it's a lie.
-Ah! [ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
You saved me.
You saved me. -I do want to --
-Yes. What?
-It happened to my brother. [ Laughter ]
-Is he okay? -He's fine.
He left. -Yes.
-And then I was also there and had to play a whole year
of Pop Warner Football.
-All right. All right, it's my turn.
Which one should I open? One or two?
What do you think? [ Crowd shouts one ]
How come two for Seth and I get one?
All right, here we go. Ready for this, bud?
When I was a kid, I dreamt of being
a professional wrestler called The Priest.
[ Laughter ]
-I think wrestlers are known for having trademark moves.
What was The Priest's trademark move?
-I had two trademark moves. One was, I would --
I would put you in a grapple hold, submission,
until you confessed a sin. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
And so then I would know, like, sins.
It was a good storyline, you know?
-Sure. -'Cause I'm a big fan of, uh --
Yeah, WWE. WWF at the time.
My other move was, if I body slam you,
and then I would pull out holy water and bring you back to --
[ Laughter ] I'd bring you back to life.
The Priest. -Both very good.
-Uh, what did you wear? -Uh, here's --
Well, I made it out of cardboard, like poster board.
Like, the little -- the priest's, uh...
The thing. -The collar.
-The collar. But I didn't actually have a full-on uniform.
But if I did, it would be that and a robe.
But then when I got in the ring, I would take the robe off,
and I would have just the collar and maybe two little things,
almost like a little Chippendales dancer.
[ Laughter ] -Ah.
-Play-out music? -I was thinking cathedral organ.
[ Laughter ] Like, full-on Church Lady.
-Yeah. -Like -- yeah.
And it would go announce that The Priest is here.
And I would come out with incense.
[ Laughter ] -Mm-hmm.
-Doing the thing. And I think that people
would be totally into it. Uh -- The Priest.
-Was this something you shared with your friends?
I assume you watched wrestling with friends your age.
Is this -- Did they know at the time
that you wanted to be The Priest?
-I didn't think -- no.
They didn't really know at the time.
But I was just so -- Everyone was really into it.
-Was everyone really into it? [ Laughter ]
-Yeah, but no. I didn't wrestle kids.
I would wrestle dolls and stuff.
But I would say I was into, like --
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, I'd do moves -- -[ Laughing ] What?
-I'd do moves on, like,
my sister's Cabbage Patch and stuff, yeah.
But that was my dream. I was gonna be
a professional wrestler, and -- but I couldn't --
[ Light laughter ] -No.
-I was too skinny.
-Annie and I have decided. -Yeah.
-I'm not done -- -We decided...
-I'm not done explaining. -...like five minutes ago.
-I'm not done explaining.
-I think we're done listening, Jimmy.
-No, no, no, no, no. When I was a kid,
I dreamt of being a wrestler called The Priest.
-Uh-huh. -We, uh --
We're of the shared opinion, Jimmy -- that's a lie.
♪♪
-It is a lie. That is a lie.
You got it. That's good.
[ Cheers and applause ] I thought maybe, I don't know.
I don't know. I didn't know if --
I did, actually, at one point want to be a priest.
-Right. -So, I thought maybe a little
curveball on that truth might have got in your head
a little bit. Because you know me.
-You were gonna be a priest and dress the same way
you described the wrestler. -Right.
-Yeah, as a Chippendales.
-And that's when they sent you right home.
-Same entrance! [ Laughter ]
-They sent you right home from seminary.
-Same entrance -- exactly, yes.
Annie, it is your turn to go.
Gosh, this is interesting. All right.
One or two. What do you think?
[ Crowd shouting ]
That's a mixed bag. [ Crowd shouting ]
-I'm hearing "boo" instead of "two,"
so I'm gonna do one. -I didn't hear any boos.
All right, here we go. -Just straight-up boos.
-This is good. This is good.
-Okay.
I once licked Chris Martin's sweat off my own hand.
[ Laughter ]
-At a concert? You were at a concert?
-I was at a concert. -If that's true,
that makes all three of us. We've all done this.
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah, get -- -Get in line!
-All right. So you were at a concert.
Were you in, like -- You had good seats, I'm assuming.
-Great. All access. All access.
I don't want to brag, but all access.
-So is this -- Is this post-celebrity for you?
-This is pre-celebrity. -Pre-celebrity.
-Yeah, like 10 years ago. -Okay.
-You're a Coldplay fan. -Yeah.
-Just throw some songs out. What do you like?
-"Fix you." -Yeah, sure. Of course.
-The one that goes... ♪ Whoa oh oh, oh oh ♪
[ Laughter ]
Um, uh -- "The Scientist."
-"The Scientist," okay. -"The Scientist."
-"Yellow." -"Yellow."
-Wow! Deep cuts.
-"Court and Spark." [ Laughter ]
-"Court and Spark"?
You're just making up words at this point.
And how did you end up touching Chris Martin?
-He -- I was actually about three rows deep.
-Wow! And you still made it to the stage.
-Well, it was the lurch. It was, like, the --
-I love that you're coming down like you're taller
than Chris Martin when he's on stage.
You would be lurching up -- -He was not on stage.
-Oh! -A twist.
-Your Honor. A twist in the case.
-He was doing crowd work? -He was doing --
[ Laughter ] -I wouldn't call it crowd work.
-I think you do call it crowd work.
-I think comedians do -- -No, he was doing
a stand-up set. [ Laughter ]
-Crowd work. -Trying some new material out.
-Yeah. -So he's doing crowd work.
He's in there. He's going, "Montreal, I love you guys.
You guys are the best."
And then he makes eye contact with you?
-Nope. -No. Wow.
But you were trying to force it. -Yes.
-And you were moving your eyes like,
"Hey, make eye contact with me." -Indeed, yeah.
-And grabbed him.
And he pulled away and then you had his sweat on your hand.
Now what -- your immediate reaction was to lick it off?
-Yes. -Gotcha.
So you were worried something would happen.
Security would run over and wipe the sweat off.
[ Laughter ] -Yes, before I was able to --
-Yeah, so you're like "I got to get this into mouth fast."
-Who were you with? -A bunch of my friends.
-And did they all freak that you touched his hand?
-They looked at me with... pride and disgust.
[ Laughter ] -Yeah.
And disgust after the lick or pre-lick?
-After the lick.
-I thought they were disgusted maybe the "how dare you" lurch?
-It was pre- and post-lick. -Was there an awkwardness
after the fact that you hadn't saved any licks for them?
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah, yeah.
-That might be why we don't speak anymore.
[ Laughter ] -Sure.
-I'm gonna say, I think this is a real licking.
-I think this is a real --
I'm picturing it the way Winnie the Pooh goes at honey...
[ Laughter ] -Yeah.
-...after he pulls it from the jar.
Just like -- yeah. So I'm with you.
I think this is a real thing.
-I wish -- Were you on the Jumbotron?
-No. I wish. No.
-You wish? But you were.
Whoa, you slipped! Wait -- [ Laughs ]
Busted! It did happen?
-It did happen. -Yes!
-That's what I'm talking about there!
Wow. [ Cheers and applause ]
That was the giveaway, though.
That was a confession right there.
-Really good work. -I wish it was on Jumbotron,
because he's -- Really, you love Coldplay?
-Yeah. -Who didn't?
-Who doesn't? -But it was something
that was -- I didn't plan it.
It was just a voice in my head that was like,
"You need to do it." -Yeah.
-And just do it. -And I did it.
And it wasn't -- You know, I love Coldplay
as much as the rest of us.
-No, I'm -- You like him a little bit more.
[ Laughter ] -You licked his sweat.
I love that that's true. Thank you guys for playing.
You're very good at this. Seth Meyers, Annie Murphy!