(guitar music)
- Alright. So you don't like camping.
Fine.
But I find that offensive.
(lively mandolin music)
Saying you don't like camping
is like saying you don't like food or music or stories.
It's just way too broad and frankly,
it makes you sound kinda stupid
There's a 1,000 ways to sleep under the stars
and yes, that's reason number one
that camping rules.
(whip cracking)
Okay. Obviously the proximity to nature thing is great.
But that's just the tip of the iceberg.
And yeah, you can camp next to a fucking iceberg.
This guy did it in Iceland.
You ever cook dinner in the woods?
It's great!
Look how much fun these guys are having.
And let's not forget about campfires.
You can drink whatever you want.
You're not going anywhere.
Building campfires is great.
Sitting at campfires is great.
And S'mores.
People have been sitting around campfires telling stories
since the dawn of time.
Why? It's a lot of fun.
And even the shittiest songs
are fun to sing around a campfire.
You know what you need for a campfire?
Wood.
Look at this old dude.
He's like a 100 years old and he's still whacking away.
Then the embers die down
and you go to bed.
And you get to wake up to the sunrise.
It's the best feeling in the world.
(whip cracking)
And you know why it rules?
Because you get to go to the swimming hole
or a cave
or the top of a mountain tomorrow morning.
And hot springs.
Hot springs.
They're like God's jacuzzis.
(whip cracking twice)
Hey, maybe you want to just sit around camp
and get deep with an old friend.
That's fine. You do you.
And here's another thing.
This shit is cheap.
(whip cracking)
25 bucks you can get a million-dollar ocean view.
Check out this spot I was in last weekend.
You don't have to be a full-blown gear nut like me.
All you really need is a sleeping bag,
a bag of trail mix
and a pair of sneakers.
Everything else is optional.
(whistling)
And while we're on the subject of nudity.
Did I mention that outdoor sex
is about the greatest thing there is?
You can be as loud as you want
and there's literally no one around to hear you.
(loud moaning and whip cracking)
The campsite is probably one of the only places in the world
where men and women can be as uncivilized as they like
and still get laid.
But I don't want to get gross and dirty and covered in bugs.
Glamping is perfectly alright.
Who wouldn't want to sleep
in a feather bed in the wilderness.
(whip cracking multiple times)
Maybe you just want to spend some time alone.
And then you get the best thing nature offers.
Pure silence.
But let's get real for a moment.
Most of us are going to go camping
with our friends and family.
And that's more than just a shared hobby.
When you venture into the wilderness with people,
you're telling them that you truly, deeply,
want to enjoy their company.
And there aren't very many places left
where you can find that kind of honesty.
(whip cracking)
(light lounge music)
- It's just so sad what's happening over there.
- Oh yeah, um hmmm.
(frenzied music)
Hmmmm.
You don't know the half of it.
(light lounge music)