- You are crazy rich Asian.
- But you compare myself to other Asians.
I'm like the poorest one, you know,
I own zero Balenciaga shoes.
- I'm exactly the same,
like all my Bangladeshi friends, it's ridiculous.
Every time I hang out with them,
and they're like, "Let's go to a restaurant."
And they're like, "Yeah, we're going to Nobu,"
I'm like, "Fuck that!" - Oof, Nobu.
- I don't want to be there, can I just have some water?
Fuck.
- So what's stereotypical for second-generation
Bangladeshi kids to grow up to be,
is it banker, is it like, lawyer or something?
- Well, the stereotypical thing would probably be
doctor, lawyer, engineer, there's something called
the DELL philosophy: doctor, engineer, lawyer, or loser.
(laughing)
- Doctor, engineer, lawyer, or loser.
That's pretty similar with my growing up.
- Yeah, universal probably.
- It's universal for all Asian parents.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- If you're really dumb, they'll settle for accountant.
(laughing)
That's like the losers of the Asian world.
- In my case was different, I was quite lucky
because my mom especially, my mom's side of the family,
like my grandad was a barista,
my grandmother was a poet.
- Oh wow.
- And so the arts were always quite big in my family.
But because they moved to England,
when my mom moved to England,
there was a part of it that wanted to keep up
with the Khans here.
- Yeah. - Keeping up with the Khans.
(laughing)
- I just came up with that, I think it's pretty good.
- That's pretty good. - Thanks!
- Yeah, write it down.
- This is a completely true story.
So, my first ambition as a kid, I was six years old,
was I wanted to become an ambassador.
- Oh! - For what?
- For which-- - Just, I don't know,
I was six.
I didn't know how many countries there were.
- But you knew what an ambassador was!
- Yeah, basically.
So basically, all I knew was this,
'cause a few of my uncles were ambassadors,
and they'd send a limousine,
when it was back, when it was cool,
to pick us up, and we'd have to ship out the hen parties,
I'd go to his house,
there was a flag on the end of the car.
So at school, in primary school, they'd be like,
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
And the kids will be like, firemen, policemen, teacher,
then I come up with ambassador, and everyone's like,
"You fucking prick."
(laughs)
- You just wanted a limousine didn't you?
- I just wanted the limousine.
- So what does your mom think now that, you know,
ambassador to comedian?
- I don't know, 'cause she's dead.
- Oh shit, sorry.
Fuck. (laughs)
- I knew that. - Should've done my research.
I knew that too, it's just-- - It's so funny.
- Oh god.
- I was just waiting,
what is Eshaan gonna, how is... (laughs)
- To be honest, my mom died two months after I became,
started doing comedy, so that's probably what killed her.
- Oh shit. (laughs)
- She's probably like, "Oh my god!"
- Why are you doing this to me?
- The most Asian mom.
- Do they do the chest thumping when they... (laughs)
- Yeah, oh yeah, chest thumping, of course, of course.
- So many similarities.
I think this is gonna go out on YouTube.
This is funny as fuck man.
- Yeah.
- If you're Asian, and you want to pursue something
in the arts, fucking don't.
- (laughs) Don't.
You're gonna kill your parents.
I had to bury my mom,
two months after I started doing comedy.
I think she's probably unhappy about my life decisions.
- Yeah, don't tell her about the podcast, mate.
Don't be like thinking about her tonight,
"Hey mom, today I went to my friend's place
"to record a podcast,
"for zero pounds."
(laughs)
- Aren't you proud of me mom?
- I quit HSBC for this.
- Can you imagine?
- I didn't even have the fruit they put out.
(laughs)
(sighs) Mom.
- Oh this is so funny, I'm sweating.
I'm sweating-- - I'm so glad I forgot
your mom was dead.
Wasn't that amazing?
- It's great!
- We wouldn't have had the moment if I remembered,
- I agree. - Of your dead mom.
What about your dad, is he dead too?
Let's talk about that.
- No, he's still knocking about.
He's still knocking about.
(laughing)
My dad's not watching this podcast.
- Oh gosh.
Oh wow. - Okay, I've got a cramp.
Right okay. - Okay.
- Rice To Meet You. (laughs)
- The podcast name was Rice To Meet You.
Why mom, why?
- Funny as shit.
We got to wrap it up now,
it's not gonna be better than this.
- Oh mate. - We're done.
- That's just funny.
I really don't know where to go from this actually.
I'm trying to-- - We've peaked.
- Yeah, I mean, we've peaked.
We've peaked. - All right.
- Okay. - All right.
- And breathe.
- So you heard it here first people.
(laughs)
(upbeat music)
Don't disappoint your parents.
- Don't disappoint your parents.