welcome back to the show our first guest this morning was the star of the motion picture
caddyshack meatballs and also the tv program saturday night live welcome please bill murray
bill how are you i'm in a real ugly mood what's the matter
what's the matter well i've been drinking all night long
i haven't slept and i had a gyros last night on 42nd street around 3 30 in the morning explain
what those are well it's uh it's some sort of greek plot to take over the world and destroy our
italian community here in new york no it's uh it's a sliced lamb that's cooked over a radar range for
two to three weeks and it's served in the middle of the night on 42nd street to the kind of people
that are on 42nd street yeah it's part of the mayor's campaign to clean up times square
so rugged sorry you're hurting that huh well a lot of things are bothering me
and uh it's this donahue thing that i'm so upset about this what donny how many people
here think that the letterman show is one of the finest things that's ever happened
this is unsolicited how many no i did not come out here before and say i was gonna
say that did i am i right you really didn't what a what a guy though and to
think that this this man phil donahue this horrible man is no way to fight
it's such a big hit and a man like this is having to take part-time jobs in this city
now uh you you just you just can't come out here and unload on phil well
i've got some information that i think and hope will damage this man's career
uh i found out i am not i'm not sure this so i should put this on quotation marks
there's a very real possibility that phil donahue is seeing my grandmother
i'm not positive but last night last night she sleeps in the room next to me i've always kept
my entire family my aunts uncles we're all in the same place last night i heard
crying just about dawn and it was my grandmother and then i heard a
voice that i thought i recognized say well don't you think if he's the president's brother that
he should know better than to hang out with a man like gaddafi who hates the united states
and she was crying i broke in and he was gone which
makes me think it was him because from what i understand he gets up very early morning there's
a lot of sit-ups and does his children's laundry so so i think that was him and he just ran out
to do the sit-ups and laundry and she's crying and this blue beard is running around you know
getting my grandmother's name off a reader's digest mailing list i don't know where she went
she rarely leaves the house so he's you know riding commuter trains you know
scoring with older women for a copy of his autographed book i mean it's just
you're saying that he phil is kind of a hit-and-run artist like i say i'm not sure
but so i may be wrong well looks like you've got uh uh without a doubt overwhelming evidence
to support that i've got a case and uh i'm not uh without influence in the city of chicago uh
you're now you've spent some time in chicago so you could uh i've done time management
at that time i noticed that one in the notes i saw that
um now we were gonna we were gonna try and do that do you think there's any uh i guess
that's out of the question though call phil dunny yeah we were gonna try wouldn't that be perfect
let's go if we let's call phil down here no i want to tell him
i want to tell phil donahue that i'm going to kill him no no no no no i don't care oh you can't know
he's just joking can we do this can we do this uh can we kill phil donahue
no can i threaten him i think that there's some sort of federal law against threatening
another man's life on network tv i i don't know as strange as that sounds i think there may be a law
dealing with that uh we'll run this through legal and uh we'll pause here for some
commercials we'll come back and see if we can't uh knocking back bill murray
that's a talk show prerequisite by the way um and we were just discussing uh uh bill murray's
uh fondness for phil donahue and uh let me we were gonna call phil but you can't uh we couldn't
get that approved phil has to approve all his incoming calls so we can't isn't that typical
so let me ask you just is it just this thing grandma is it just your thing look that's it
that's the only reason you're upset with phil is you you think he and your grandmother are
oh my uh well i also still resent what he did to ted bissell you know stealing marlo away from him
you know and i i think it's pretty much it's common knowledge in the entertainment
industry how danny feels about phil you know and what that man has done and for phil
to treat marlowe like that and for danny to know it is it's well it's ugly you know
i started out not having an opinion on this but i'm i'm beginning to hate the man just uh
now uh bill also wanted to spend some time today bill was very helpful he wanted to call either
phil donahue uh or he wanted to call someone in maine to find out if the leaves had turned
so we have all of that information here so we'll put that away and just in case we run
run short we'll phone me but uh he was gracious enough to uh consent to take audience questions
this is very rare i do this once a year and uh i have two and we're pleased are you choking it
here this morning those house lights as they say on tv yes sir what is your name please uh
don hetherington where you're from naples oh good uh hey bill i'm having a rodent problem
and uh i was wondering what's the best humane way you can uh you know kill the
rodents a rodent problem the most humane way yeah is uh well to eat them yourself
yeah thank you because you don't want a lot of uh poisons and pesticides to
run out into the atmosphere it's just for you to
just digest the rodent yourself really the best way okay thank you very much
yes ma'am what is your name please you know one one thing is is that
some maybe you have the problem and not the rodent ever it's possible think about it something
yes ma'am okay my name is michelle krantz and phil i used to be a bank tell and i really want
to ask you this question what do you think is a fair interest rate for a home loan
i don't know that's a tough question
one of the reasons i only do this once a year uh this is really more your field i
saw you working uh uh bank i don't know uh let me just you mind if i take this in connecticut
uh 22 sounds good yeah sure okay i'm just gonna turn these
cards over because uh arlene francis identified our guest earlier and uh
does that answer your question i think so thanks thank you very much fun evan
yes sir where are you from i'm from newcastle pennsylvania what is your name
my question
this is going better than i'd hoped yes what i'm sorry what is your name sir uh
my name is joseph tardio yes joe you have a question for mr murray or david
i would like to know where you can get a hot meal for a fair price
well i have to draw upon my many years
i
uh there's one place on 42nd street
where you can get a good gyros but go late because it's it ages
yes ma'am my name is jean ann tardio and i'm from newcastle pennsylvania also uh bill i wanted to
ask you a question you saw my husband and he's a lot shorter than i am and it embarrasses them
sometime and i was wondering um do you think this is ever going to hurt our relationship
wow i think you have already many many problems with this i don't think it's i don't think uh
size has ever been a problem uh uh uh i i i think you have so many problems that
his size is really not that important i think more importantly is perhaps his drinking problem
your refusal to cook him a hot meal perhaps at a decent fair price you know thank you very much
okay okay help us out here help us out here what what hi what is your name alex julian where
are you from toronto oh toronto toronto canada it's a beautiful town you ever been to toronto
i've never heard of it you know cn tower okay great city what is your
question alex uh first i'd like to say i hope things work out with your grandmother
and i'd like to know uh how you feel about strip mining and what are the viable alternatives
uh
strip mining you want me to compare and contrast it or yeah that would be fine strip mining uh is
is is is uh is it's a very difficult subject early in the morning i i've just seen a few strip mines
and they're ugly but if you stop strip mines then all the strip miners are out of work
so what are you going to do it's kind of a john anderson kind of a question
i think we're out that's it for the uh the question is there anything
you'd like to say before we wrap this up i want to first of all
i'd like to say it was very nice of you to field these questions tricky
well uh it was because i didn't do my homework i was supposed to have slides on my vacation
and i didn't get them developed well maybe next time bill murray ladies