I'm just gonna take a guess on this one.
I bet this was originally supposed to be called Rosemary's Little Baby 3D,
but...you know, licensing.
And also that title, might give the consumer the wrong impression.
Because this baby is a lot
scarier.
It's My Little...F*cking Scariest Game Ever Made.
3D.
Quick, man!
Fetch the holy water!
So this is basically Nintendogs with humans.
Although...I mean, I don't know about the whole "humans" part.
Because...these are some of the most hideous babies I've ever seen in my life.
This is more like an antichrist
simulator.
I keep waiting to clean its hooves.
Or set its crib on fire, to keep it warm.
Point is...holy crap, these babies.
And in this day and age, it's like...I mean, I don't really understand the Internet
and the kids.
With their trolling and...they never actually say a single meaningful or serious thing in
their lives.
It's all dumb jokes and memes, so...I don't know if there's a Nicolas Cage movie I haven't
seen, that might explain
this.
Or if it's, just...like, the mother did sumo during the pregnancy.
Either way, this is just...it's an unfortunate situation.
My Little Baby 3D is a baby simulator, but that's more of a label than a description.
You have about five things you
can actually do in this game.
And for the most part, you only do anything when the nanny tells you.
She'll say, "Your
baby is dirty."
That means take it to the bathroom, and either change its nappy, whatever that is, or give
it a bath.
Then, it's like, "Oh, your baby is hungry."
So you feed it.
Now your baby is bored.
Better give it a toy.
And eventually, it gets tired and you put it to sleep.
In fact, this game is more like a commentary on the process of actually playing it.
You get dirty, you get hungry, you
get bored...and then, you go to sleep.
The problem is, there's just not much to do.
A lot of it's just a waiting game.
Wait until the baby needs something.
That might be an accurate assessment of parenthood, but that doesn't make a very entertaining
video game.
And when you
do do something, it sort of the same thing over and over.
The same touch-based minigames just keep repeating
themselves.
But as far as the minigames go...I mean, again, "games" seems like a stretch.
You drag the bottle to the sterilizer,
which is apparently a device.
You tilt the system to keep the icon in the square.
You go through the same motions to
bathe the baby, and then put cream on its ass, which is disgusting and I can't believe
I'm doing it.
I mean, if swiping and tapping things with a stylus is all it takes to make a game, there's
no reason Blackberry
should be in the pickle it's in.
They're a leading maker, of video games.
I have no idea what the market even is, for a game like this.
Like, is this for old people, who can't breed anymore
but want to change someone's nappy other than their own?
Or is it for little girls, who kind of want a baby, but are
at least smart enough to do some research first?
There's just no way to be sure, about any of this.
What I can tell
you is...My Little Baby 3D is neither well-made or fun.
Also, it's expensive.
And creepy.