How to become a better parent now?
Positive versus toxic parenting. We need to know the difference. Let's, take a look.
This is really slick spelled, s-l-i-c-k. Slick will be an acronym to help us remember the points
of positive versus toxic parenting. Let's jump in. S in slick stands for smile versus frown which would
be the toxic end of things. This is more powerful than you might think. In fact, one of my clients
shared with me that she did a three-day experiment with her children. All she was going to do
was smile. This makes kids nervous sometimes because when parents are smiling kids are thinking.
It had an interesting effect. In fact, I had the opportunity to interview or hear from her kids a
couple of weeks later and they're like, "Something's different about mom", they weren't even able to
really identify what all was different except that she's smiling more and this had a profound impact
on them. Positive parenting is all about smiling versus frowning. Toxic parenting is more about the
frown. Let's see what we can find to smile about. It is really slick. The L in slick stands for low
and I'll explain what I mean. In positive parenting we come in low and cool. Whereas in toxic parenting
we come in high and hot. Picture for just a minute that you feel the temperature rising. You don't
want to come in high and hot where you end up yelling and screaming. That's the toxic parenting.
We want the positive parenting where we come in low and cool. So, let's use the feelings that you're
having. You know, when you can tell that there's going to be an eruption when you feel like yelling.
Try this, stoop. Bring your actual height down come in low. Are you with me? Especially if you've got
small children don't come in high and hot over their heads. Get down on the floor
or at least reduce your posture. So, I'm talking physically low and cool take a few deep breaths.
Ah okay, re-gather a little bit. So that you can be cool when you approach this interaction.
L stands for low and cool as opposed to high and hot. Alright, let's continue with our acronym.
I we're spelling slick S-L-I stands for initiate. Initiate and engage that's the positive parenting
approach as opposed to withdraw and disengage which is the toxic parenting approach. Look for
opportunities to engage in positive ways with your kids. Try to catch them doing good or the things
that you've asked them to do. They probably do it more than you notice because we have
a natural radar as parents. We are looking for what's wrong or what's not going according to our
expectations. You have to go against the flow just a little bit to actually tune your brain in to
catch them doing the good things and choose to initiate and engage contact then. This does
worlds of good toward helping to reinforce that behavior for your children so that they'll do it again.
We can also apply this in our communications. Hey, tell me about. Now, I like starting a
conversation that way because you're not asking a closed-ended question. Did you have fun at school?
Yeah, no, I don't know. They can answer that very briefly. Instead, hey, tell me about school today?
You're trying to open them up more. So that's all about initiate and engage. I promise we're coming
right back to the C and the K in our slick acronym. While we're doing that would you just
take a moment to click on that subscribe button. Become part of this community of conscious parents
and hit the notification bell also so that you'll know when new videos are coming out. Quick recap S
smile, L low and cool, I initiate and engage. Now, C confirm and affirm.
Now those two words sound very similar. They kind of mean the same thing anyway. We want to
get to yes as opposed to denying and refusing. That's more of the toxic parenting approach.
We want to keep it positive. There's so many times when you can substitute yes when or yes if
in place of no. Get to yes when you think this way it helps you as a parent but it also opens up some
possibilities for your kids. I remember one time when my son approached me he was probably 12 13
years old at the time as he came up to me and said, "Hey dad, what would it take for me to get?",
and then he told me what it was that he wanted. Listen to that wording. See, this opens up kids
creativity instead of saying no which they feel to resist. When you say yes if or yes when it invites
them to think and like my son who started to think about, "Okay, what would it take for me to get that?".
Instead of simply, "Hey, give me a yes or no can I have this or not", it's a powerful way to open
up their thinking. C confirm and affirm. The final letter in slick is K which stands for no.
Meaning know your job. Have the knowledge of what your job actually is. Positive parenting
is understanding that your job is to love them no matter what and even if. That's your primary
job as a parent. Toxic parenting comes from a standpoint of my job is to make sure that they
whatever fill in the blanks do their homework do their chores. They're good citizens.
We're not very good at that as parents. We can't make sure that they are productive citizens.
That's up to them. We're going to do everything that we can to entice that but our job is to
love them no matter what and even if. K is no your job and your job is to
love them no matter what and even if. Pretty slick right? Parenting is in fact the most important job
in the world we need to know how to do it. Will you queue up that next video. Click on that one
to learn the five things every new parent needs to know. Let's go there next.