Hey it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business
and life you love.
And this is Q&A Tuesday.
And I don't even care if it’s not Tuesday when you’re watching it.
It’s not even Tuesday when I’m recording it.
But this is Q&A Tuesday.
So let’s rock it.
Today’s question comes from Tamaryn and she writes,
“Hi Marie, I’m based in London and an American acquaintance recommended you to me,
and I love, love, love your message.
I've just started up my own business and my question is this: How do you deal with self-sabotaging
thoughts that make you feel like you are 'winging it’ and that someone will find you out?
I think women in particular suffer from this and we hold ourselves back because we feel
like we could get 'busted' any moment for not really being an expert in our field - even
if we've got a lot of experience and great ideas.”
Awesome question Tamaryn.
I agree with you that many of us feel like a fraud, regardless of how much experience
we have!
And here’s the thing, the idea that we could somehow be a fraud or that we’re gonna get
found is really a kissing cousin to one of the biggest fears that every human being on
the planet shares, and it’s this:
It’s the fear of not being good enough.
We ALL have this fear, people who are brand new at what they’re doing and people who
have tons of experience and a lot of accomplishments under their belt.
Now where all of us get tripped up is thinking that we need to overcome the fear of “not
being good enough” or get rid of our negative thoughts in order to be successful.
Truth is, you don't have to.
Here’s the thing, you can’t really get rid of negative thoughts and if you’ve ever
tried you know that I’m right.
But what you can do is make them powerless.
And here’s how.
You know how when you leave your computer idle for a little while a screensaver pops
up?
Your self-sabotaging thoughts are the same thing: they’re a screensaver that pops up
EVERY TIME YOU go idle.
Think about it, when you’re FULLY immersed in your work, maybe you’re creating a marketing
campaign or you’re writing an email to a client or you’re doing any of the 300 things
that need to happen in order for your business to run, you have no room to wonder whether
or not you’re a fraud.
You’re too busy getting things done and making a difference!
But the moment you go idle ….
So how do you get your real screen saver to go away?
You tap a key and you get back to work.
It’s the same thing with your mental one.
So rather than thinking of your negative thoughts as “bad”, consider them an automatic,
friendly reminder that you’ve checked out and it’s time to re-engage.
Know this: in any given moment, you’re EITHER fully engaged.
. . OR
By the way, just because those words are there, does not mean that they are true.
You don't have to analyze the words or try and change them or make them wrong or try
and figure out why they’re there in the first place.
Tamaryn, the only thing you have control over in life is what you focus on.
Where you’ll direct your attention, your energy, and your emotion in any given moment.
And I’ve got a mantra to help you remember this and yes, it’s a tweetable:
“More present moment engagement = less crappy thoughts.”
Look Tamaryn, we all have self sabotaging thoughts.
The difference between those who are successful and those who are not, is the amount of attention
and energy that we give to them.
So that’s my A to your Q. Bye.
I’m just kidding.
Tamaryn, that wasn’t it.
I want to challenge you and everyone to take what I’m calling the 7 Day Screen Saver
Challenge.
For the next seven days what I want you to do is pay special attention, every time you
disengage and you check out and you go into zombieland catch your mental screensaver,
tap a little key, and get back into your life.
I PROMISE - you do this for 7 days, you don't make your little negative thoughts wrong,
you don't worry about self sabotaging anything, you just stay engaged in the present moment
as much as possible, it’s gonna have a huge effect on your productivity and, more importantly,
your happiness.
Now I’d love to hear from you.
How do you deal with your self-sabotaging thoughts?
Do you think they’re legit OR do you brush them off and get back to work?
As always, the best action happens after the episode at MarieForleo.com so go there and
leave a comment now.
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