- There are a lot of videos right now
telling you how to create attraction
and how to be more attractive.
So you have videos that tell you
to be a high value man for example,
or the masculine feminine polarity.
But I wanna take it even further in this video,
and I wanna show you the core essence
of what it means to be attractive.
And this will apply
whether you're in a long-term relationship
or you are in a dating stages
and trying to attract a person for the first time.
And this is gonna blow your mind guys,
because it's blown a lot of my clients' minds as well.
And once you understand this
you really unlock the secret to attraction.
So to begin to gain a deep understanding of this
you need to understand the difference
between external manifestation and internal intention.
So I want you to imagine for a second that
you see someone giving $1 million to charity.
Is that a good thing or bad thing?
A lot of people say can't be a bad thing
but really we cannot know
whether that's a good thing or bad thing
until we understand the internal intention
behind that external action.
If the intention behind giving $1 million there
is to be altruistic to do some good for the world
then yeah, the action is good.
But what if the person is giving a million bucks a charity
to try to control the board of that charity,
to try to depose or to ruin that charity eventually?
Then you can see how that negative internal intention
would color that external action to be a bad thing as well.
And the mistake that a lot of people make
is assuming someone's intentions from the actions.
And when you do this sometimes,
your assumptions may be correct
but often your assumptions may also be wrong as well.
So what does all this have to do
with the topic of attraction?
The problem is that a lot of men,
the mistake, what it means to be attractive
as what is attractive in the external manifestation of it
and not really what is attractive
in the internal intention behind it.
So you see a lot of men for example,
who are obsessed with appearing dominant,
appearing alpha, appearing strong,
appearing like they have no emotions
and really just are so in control of their emotions.
And they try so hard to display
this masculinity that they have
to do overt external manifestations of it.
And another great and classic example of this
is let's say the guy in the bar
who some guy hits on their wife or their girlfriend
and they try to assert their dominance by saying,
"Whoa, what are you doing?"
And to try to cause a fight and arouse
at that particular point in time.
And this mistake of trying to appear like you're masculine
and not really working on the internal intention,
as you'll learn later, causes a lot of havoc
and it actually can make you less attractive to women.
Now before we go there though,
if we're saying that the actual manifestations here
are not what it means to be attractive, then what is?
What is the core essence of attractiveness?
And the root of attraction is really safety.
And I want you to remember this.
Women are not attracted to men
who display the actual manifestations of masculinity
like dominance, power, appearing macho,
the strength, et cetera.
But women are attracted to men
who have the right internal intention
that allows them to create both psychological
and emotional safety in the relationship for their partner.
And this is a very crucial distinction
because for every external manifestation you can think of
of what it means to be masculine,
there's almost like this bell curve.
So let's start with one side of the bell curve
when let's say you show no sign
of the external manifestations of masculinity,
so you are extremely beta, you're kind of a pushover,
you have no dominance, you have no strength,
you're just kind of soft,
and you can't even seem to stand up for yourself,
to protect yourself, to thrive for yourself.
Now, when you are here,
people are going to look at your external manifestations
or the lack thereof,
and they will assume an internal intention behind it.
And the internal intention they will assume is that
you don't have a lot of the masculine traits
to make her feel safe, to make her feel secure,
both emotionally and psychologically,
and also even physically sometimes.
So this side is very unattractive,
which is why this side of the bell curve is low.
But a lot of men know that being beta
is not the way to be attractive.
But the problem is that they go to the other extreme here
where they show this dominance
this masculinity in such a strong way.
And if you are here, you may be attractive at first,
but you will also lose people later.
For example, if you're over on this corner,
women will see for example,
"Oh, this person has a lot of strength,
a lot of dominance, a lot of masculinity.
He has a lot of success, a lot of power, he's great."
And from those external manifestation,
they can at first look assume the internal intention
that wow they must be having a lot of masculine traits
that can actually make me feel safe emotionally,
physically, and psychologically as well.
But if you show too much dominance,
too much power, for example, to the point where you are
making your partner feel physically threatened,
where your power and dominance
becomes sometimes a bit physically violent,
or emotionally violent,
that makes your partner feel very unsafe.
I had a client who was very high profile
and he often used his power, and his strength,
and his high profile status to basically belittle people
who combat him, who question him,
who makes them feel insecure.
So basically these are moments when your partner
is making an assumption on your internal intention
on who you are based on those external manifestations,
feels attracted to that at first.
But once she sees that,
those external manifestations are not based on real,
genuine, noble, internal intention and she can no longer see
that you are someone who can make her feel safe,
that is when someone can appear attractive at first
but then quickly you get really turned off very, very fast.
And this is why you see a lot of men
who adopt this red pill movement, for example
and try to be so high value or peer high value.
They may have no problems attracting women at first,
but you see a lot of men who have troubles
keeping their women by their side,
because once again, this essence of safety is lost.
Doesn't matter how much masculine manifestations
you display, if the safety is lost,
you are no longer gonna become attractive to women.
So the key to this attraction
is really to embrace this middle
where you're displaying a right balance,
the right types of masculinity, of dominance, of power,
that actually create safety and not destroy it.
And so the essence again is the safety.
So the next question becomes, how do we embrace this middle?
How do we embrace this middle
so that we can be as attractive as possible
to the opposite sex or to your partners?
And so the first step to being attractive is really simple.
It's just to learn how to create that balance of safety.
Now, the tricky thing though
and the reason why a lot of my clients take months
to really understand what the safety is,
and why a lot of men can understand conceptually
what it means to create safety,
but they can never actually it
to be attractive to their partner,
is because creating safety is a very much a falling outcome,
a falling thing.
And we discussed this in many of my videos before,
where a lot of men think they're creating safety
but actually what they think they're doing to create safety
is actually destroying more safety.
And a classic example of this
is when you think about falling asleep, for example.
You would think that for falling asleep,
the more you try to fall asleep,
the more you check in on yourself,
whether you're asleep or not,
the more effort and the more willpower,
the more attention you place
to the act of trying to fall asleep,
you would fall asleep more.
So the more effort you place to falling asleep,
the more you should be able to fall asleep.
But this is really not the case.
Often the more you try to fall asleep,
if you obsess about falling asleep,
you will usually go further away from falling asleep.
Not the same way, if you are trying a lot of things
to force or push your partner to feel safe towards you,
if you let's say constantly check in on her
whether she feels safe with you or not.
And then maybe if you realize
that she doesn't feel safe with you,
you start to get all angry and upset.
Why don't you feel safe with me,
I've given you everything you need?
Or maybe you try to logically convince her
to feel safe with you, where you say like,
"Well here's all the reasons why you can feel safe with me."
Or you play some manipulative games
where you say to her, for example,
"You know what, if you don't see the value in me,
then I'm just gonna walk away and whatever,
I don't need you.
You're not important to me anymore."
We think that all these things
will actually allow our partner to fall safe, to feel safe.
But actually back to the sleeping example again,
this will actually take your partner further away
from feeling safe with you.
And a great example of this is I had a client one time
who applied for our program and he was saying to me,
"Jeff, I know what safety is,
and I've been having a lot of conversations with her
about how she can feel safe with me.
I've been telling her all these reasons
why she can feel safe with me,
but no matter what I say or do,
she somehow is not feeling that safety towards me."
But again, that's precisely the problem.
You're trying to use a striving approach to create safety
but when you do that, you're actually making it harder
for her to feel safe with you.
And this is again, why a lot of men
can conceptually understand what it means to create safety,
but in practice it becomes much trickier and harder to do
because it's very much a falling outcome.
And to get a falling outcome
you need a very different approach than what you used to.
Which is why in our program,
we allow our clients to spend many months
just mastering and understanding this concept of safety
and what it means to create it in practice.
And the hard part is not what to do to create safety
but understanding the paradoxes
of what you do that actually destroys it
when you think it actually creates it.
And the second step is to really master
what we call an anti-fragile internal bulletproof mindset.
And so the reason why a lot of people fall
to either one extreme or the other,
and they can never embrace the middle here,
is because they do not have the right internal shift
to allow them to thrive and do the right things
during the high pressure moments,
during moments when they're under threat.
So the lack of thriving here creates your need
to self preserve under threat.
And when you try to self preserve
that is when you show a lot of defense mechanisms
that push you to either extremes.
So a lot of men either go to the passive route
where they just get all meek and shy,
and they basically tuck their tails underneath their legs
and just kind of walk away.
Or a lot of men, when they're under threat,
they go to the opposite side
when they become overly aggressive,
overly dominant, overly controlling.
And either way you go is because again you cannot thrive
with the threat, with the high pressure moment
of the situation.
And so the only way to get to the middle here,
when you're not acting out of that self-preservation
and you can get to the middle,
is by adopting what we call a thriving bulletproof vest.
And I've already made a video on this before
so if you wanna check out the video,
click the link above my head, also down below this video.
And the third step is to really get connected
with what we call the noble intentions.
So for every action you take, every action you make,
there are really three internal intentions
that needs to exist for that action
to seem noble, to seem genuine,
to seem attractive at the same time.
The first ingredient here
is what we call the selfless external motivators.
So this is really about how does what you do here
benefit other people, and not benefit other people
from your perspective but actually benefit other people.
The second ingredient
is what we call the intrinsic motivation.
How does doing that action not only benefit other people
but also how does that intrinsically make you happy as well?
And also needs to have this third point
which is this selfish internal motivation,
which is how does this action also benefit me
in a selfish way?
And every single day, I always try
to get very deeply connected with all these three intentions
for my own line of work, for example.
So from my line of work,
I know that what I do benefits other people
because I help the save their marriage and grow themselves.
But also the act of helping people grow themselves
makes me fulfilled, makes me happy.
But also doing this successfully
also gets me a bunch of money,
financial freedom that I also want.
So I have all three balanced here, and because of that,
I hope that whatever I put out, whatever videos I put out
seems a lot more genuine and a lot more noble,
a lot more attractive because of that.
The same thing happens during sex, for example.
In order for the sexual experience to be good,
to be fun, to be attractive,
you need to see that the person is doing it
because one, he wants to make the other person happy
but making the other person happy makes him happy.
But also he's there not just as a matter,
to just make the other person feel good,
but he also wants to feel good too.
All of these balance needs to be there.
If one of these ingredients are missing,
that's when whatever you do becomes quite unattractive.
So imagine, again, if you're in a bedroom with someone
having some intimate moments, and you can sense in your mind
that they have the selfless part of it,
they have the intrinsic motivation behind it,
but you cannot sense any selfishness to it.
Like you can tell this person
is not really having a good time,
but they just are so hell bent
on letting you have a good time.
Can you actually enjoy that time in the bedroom?
Usually not, you'll feel guilty, you'll feel suspicious.
Well, what's in it for you then?
You can't really see that action as something noble.
So let's say this intrinsic is missing now.
Imagine someone giving you a gift
but they're giving you a gift very begrudgingly,
like the act of giving you a gift
actually does not provide them any intrinsic benefit,
any intrinsic happiness to doing that at all.
Can you actually take that gift?
It's be harder for you to,
because it's harder for you to see that action has noble.
Now, of course, if the selfless part is missing,
whether they're just giving you a gift,
let's say out of their own personal benefit,
then of course you cannot see that as a good thing,
because you're thinking to yourself,
"Well, how selfish."
So if just one of these ingredients are missing,
that's gonna make whatever you do seem a lot more ingenuine,
a lot less noble, and a lot less attractive as well.
And all three needs to exist
for every single thing that you do.
So understanding this is conceptually quite simple,
but doing this every single day,
for every single thing that you do can be quite difficult
because we've been trained as a society
to act without really getting connected
with what are in our inner intentions
behind why we do something.
But once you can make it a habit for yourself
to always act out of these three internal intentions,
that's when everything you do becomes a lot more genuine,
a lot easier for people to receive,
and a lot more attractive for people as well.
And once you get connected with your internal intention,
the next step is to make your intentions known.
And we do this by what we call the seven frameworks,
where if you study the seven frameworks,
you will realize that all of them
involve us expressing our intentions, our noble intention
in a proper way as well.
So two classic examples for my life for example,
you know, whenever someone,
we go to a bar or something like that,
and then someone hits on my wife,
or some hateful comments on the internet from some people,
whenever that happens, I just smile
and I just turn the other cheek and go, "That's fine."
And a lot of people would see this as like,
"Whoa, what a weak thing to do.
What a beta thing to do.
You're gonna stand up for yourself."
Which is why I use my frameworks
to express to my partner my intentions
of why I just smiled and turned the other cheek.
And once I can clear up the intention,
and for her to assume a very different intention behind it,
and that makes whatever action I took
to be a lot more genuine, a lot more attractive, et cetera.
You always have to make your intentions known,
but do it in a proper way.
And the last step guys,
is to really become a performer at this.
So a lot of times again,
we can conceptually understand something
and we can do something,
we can understand something until we can do it right,
once in a while, sometimes.
So we can act this noble intention sometimes,
but not at other times.
But again, if you really want to be
this person who radiates attractiveness,
you need to be able to act out of this noble intentions,
and express your noble intentions
in many parts of your life, all the time.
So again, you need to become a performer
as someone who not only can do this right,
but they cannot get it wrong anymore.
This has become your lowest default
of how you do things, of how you communicate,
of the reasons behind you do anything, et cetera.
So if you want to learn more about all these key skills
that we talked about in this video,
and really poise yourself
to become more attractive to your partner
and recreate that spark or recreate that attraction
that you feel like it's lost in your long-term relationship,
then you can join me in my masterclass
in the five proven steps to rebuilding your relationship
from the ground up.
In the masterclass, I'll show you the exact steps
all my clients have used to take 'em from a dire situation
to where they are today
which is a thriving state in their marriage.
So if you wanna join me in the masterclass,
click the link up of my head are also down below this video.
But for now, guys, I hope that was helpful for you,
and I'll see you in the next video.
(bright upbeat music)