>>> THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE. I CAN'T WRITE A SIX-PAGE ESSAY
ABOUT THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR. BUT IF I DON'T PASS THIS CLASS,
I'M GOING TO GET KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL.
I WISH HISTORY WEREN'T SO BORING.
BORING.
>> YO, WAKE UP, HOMEY. >> WHAT THE --
>> WILL PERK OH PERCOCET? HOW ARE YOU TALKING?
YOU'RE A POSTER. >> YOU DREAMING, BRAH.
BUT, HEY, YOU ALSO TRIPPING SAYING NO ONE CARES ABOUT
HISTORY. YO, YOU KNOW MY SONG, ATOMIC
ASS. BABY, PUT THE ASS ON ME, DROP IT
.
THAT'S A HISTORICAL REFERENCE, BRAH.
>> WHOA, MY FAVORITE RAPPER, LIKE, CARES ABOUT HISTORY.
>> AND SO DO YOUR FAVORITE SUPERHEROES.
>> BLACK PUMA AND JAGUAR. YOU CARE ABOUT HISTORY?
>> OH, YES. HISTORY IS VERY IMPORTANT.
>> AS I SAY IN OUR BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE, TO KNOW THE PAST IS TO
SEE THE FUTURE. >> ARE YOU GUYS SAYING THAT
LIKE HISTORY ACTUALLY MATTERS? >> HELL YEAH.
>> OH, CHRISSY KNOX. YOU'RE ONE OF MAXIM MAGAZINES 50
HOTTEST GIRLS FROM RURAL AREAS. YOU LIKE HISTORY AS WELL?
>> YEAH. >> AND SO DOES WME SUPERSTAR MAD
DOG DUGAN. MY WHOLE STORY LINE FOR WRESTLE
FEST 17 CAME STRAIGHT FROM THE ILIAD.
>> WOW, SO HISTORY, LIKE, INFLUENCES WRESTLING.
>> AND MUSIC. >> AND MOVIES.
>> AND MY LONG FAT GARDEN HOSE THAT I'M DRINKING FROM LIKE A
DUMB, SILLY DOGGY. >> HEY, CHRISSY, LESS ABOUT YOUR
HOSE AND MORE ABOUT HISTORY. THIS BOY MUST PASS HIS CLASS.
>> YEAH, FOR REAL. WHEN I READ ABOUT THE AMERICAN
REVOLUTION, I GET SO BORED. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WRITE AN
ESSAY I CARE NOTHING ABOUT? >> IT'S ALL IN HOW YOU LOOK AT
IT, BROTHER. FOR INSTANCE WHEN MY FORMER TAG
TEAM PARTNER, PETER PARTY HARDY, BETRAYED ME AT SUPER SLAM NINE,
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT BENEDICT ARNOLD DID TO
GEORGE WASHINGTON. >> OR WHEN I WENT DOWN AND
PICKED UP THIS WET, SQUEAKY GARDEN HOSE AND DRANK FROM IT
WITH MY DIRTY, THIRSTY MOUTH -- THAT'S MATH.
>> YO, IT'S NOT MATH. IT'S HISTORY.
>> RIGHT. AND HISTORY IS JUST YESTERDAY'S
TOMORROW. >> ISN'T THAT JUST TODAY?
>> OH, HELL YEAH. >> CHRISSY, NO MORE OF THIS.
>> BROTHER, LET ME GO OVER THERE, SLAP THIS FOOLISH GIRL.
>> NO, NO, SISTER. THAT IS NOT THE WAY OF THE PUMA.
CHRISSY, DO NOT LEAD HIS MIND DOWN THE PORNO PATH.
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING IN MIND THAT CAN HELP THIS BOY PASS HIS
CLASS? >> LOOK AT MY DUMB OLD BELLY
BUTTON. >> YEAH, I LIKE IT.
>> KNOCK THAT NOISE OFF, YO. >> YOUNG MAN, JUST TAKE THAT
POSTER DOWN. YOU WILL NEVER LEARN WITH HER
AROUND. >> YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
SORRY, CHRISSY, BUT I NEED TO FOCUS ON THIS PAPER.
>> WHAT THE HELL? YOU HAVE ANOTHER POSTER OF THIS
MAXIM LADY? >> OH, NO, THAT'S BRANDY KNOX,
CHRISSY'S TWIN SISTER. I DON'T LIKE HER AS MUCH.
ANYWAY, WE GOT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ESSAY.
LIKE WHAT AM I GOING TO WRITE ABOUT?
>> ALL RIGHT. SO CHECK IT, YO.
YOU GOT TO FIND THE REASONS WHY THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION
HAPPENED. YOU FEEL ME?
YO, YOU HEARD MY SONG, BITCH NA FEATURING DJ FAT ASS.
IT'S LIKE THE COLONISTS WITH BRITAIN.
THE WAR WAS THEM SAYING, BITCH, NAH, THAT ASS AIN'T WORTH THIS.
>> OH, I GET IT BECAUSE AMERICANS WANTED TO CONTROL
THEIR OWN DESTINY. >> HELL YEAH.
>> PERFECT. ANYWAY, THAT'S YOUR THESIS,
BROHEIM. >> WHAT'S A THESIS?
>> THESIS. THESE IS MY FAT GREASY BURGER,
AND THESE IS MY HUGE, STUPID BEER.
THESIS. >> SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR STUPID
BURGER AND YOUR BEER. WE ARE SO CLOSE.
>> BOYS, LISTEN TO ME. THE THESIS IS YOUR OPENING
ARGUMENT. >> OKAY.
THAT'S LIKE ONE SENTENCE. WHAT'S THE REST?
>> OH, MY GOSH. THE REST OF THE ESSAY IS PROVING
YOUR THESIS. THAT'S THE BODY.
>> YEAH, MY BODY IS GOING TO FEEL NASTY AFTER I SCARF THAT
FAT, MUSHY, STINKY BURGER AND WASH IT DOWN WITH THIS FROSTY
DUMB ASS BEER. >> STOP, Y'ALL.
THIS KID'S GOING TO FAIL. >> NOT A CHANCE.
MY DAYS ARE GETTING ANSWERED IN THE PAST.
>> YO, I THINK YOU MEAN THOSE DAYS ARE HISTORY.
WELL, THANKS EVERYONE, NOW I'M GOING TO WAKE UP AND WRITE AN
A-PLUS HISTORY PAPER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]