Hey, this is Mat Boggs, and people often ask me, after having traveled 12,000 miles around
the United States interviewing hundreds and hundreds of America’s greatest marriages,
these couples who had been married happily over 40 years, what did I learn?
What were some of the most impactful ideas and strategies that I learned from them?
And so as you may know, my best friend and I wrote this book called Project Everlasting:
Two Bachelors Discover the Secrets of America’s Greatest Marriages, and it completely changed
our lives.
On this video, I’m going to share with you one idea that completely changed my mindset
and my result when it came to relationships.
And that idea is that love isn’t a feeling.
Marriage masters talked about love being a decision that we make on a daily basis, and
one couple in particular said that love is a four-letter word spelled G-I-V-E.
It’s all about giving, and it was a special way in which they gave to each other.
And so I’m going to share with you a quick story about Ruthie and Dirk Dirksen.
They have been married 48 years.
I remember exactly where I was when I heard this story.
I was actually talking to Ruthie on the phone and I’m in an RV and my 85-year-old grandmother’s
sitting next to me as we’re driving across the plains of Wyoming and I see buffalo running
on these rolling hills and it’s just this extraordinary view.
And she tells me a story about how her and Dirk, her husband have this practice of giving
to one another by hiding notes around the house.
And so, for example, she would write him a note and hide it in his sweaters and months
would go by and then winter would roll around and it would get cold so he’d go to his
drawer and pull out the sweaters and put it on and feel something scratchy and pick it
out and there’s a piece of paper inside and so he opens it up and it says, “Thinking
of you.”
And he’s like, “Oh man, my wife wrote me that note.”
And so he’ll write one and hide it between the fine china and a few months will go by,
they’ll have a nice dinner and she’s pulling out the plates for the china and the piece
of paper will flutter to the ground and she’ll pick it up and it’ll say, “You’re beautiful.”
And they had this practice of these little moments of these little acts of love, writing
these notes to each other throughout their entire marriage.
A few weeks before Thanksgiving, Dirk got diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis and his
health started to decline quickly to the point where he didn’t have very much energy and
he could barely get out of bed.
So Ruthie is in the kitchen preparing for Thanksgiving and she’s cooking some pumpkins
pies, something she had done for decades.
And she pulls out the tins to cook the pie and there a piece of paper flutters to the
ground and she picks it up and opens it up and it says, “You’re beautiful.”
And she goes into the bedroom and there Dirk is, laying in bed.
He must’ve hid that months ago.
And she curls up behind him and snuggles with him the way that she had done for decades.
That’s how they liked to sleep, arm in arm, cuddling.
She told me three days later, Dirk passed away.
And on that day, she was behind him, cuddling him the way they had done for decades.
And she was stroking his face and feeling his breathing become softer and more gentle,
and she was memorizing what it felt like to have him in her arms, memorizing this moment,
the last moment she would have with her husband until his breathing finally stopped.
She said she held him for another 15 minutes just memorizing that moment, devastated, tears
streaming down her face, now knowing how she would move forward, feeling like half of her
had just died along with him.
She said that those next few months were some of the hardest of her life.
And June rolls around and she’s cleaning one of her drawers and cleaning out some of
the sundresses she had had and she reaches to the back to get this sundress.
Her fingers touch a piece of paper and she just get chills to her toes and her hand shaking,
she pulls out this piece of paper and opens it up, and there, in shaky letters, are two
words written that say, “Love you.”
Somehow, Dirk had gotten out of bed the last few weeks of his life and wrote this final
love note to Ruthie.
As her eyes fill with tears, she describes to me these aren’t tears of pain, but tears
of joy in that these notes were a way that they gave each other strength, that they let
each other know that they loved each other, and here she was, without the love of her
life, still receiving strength from him through this love note, that this was another way
of proof that he loved his wife.
And she talked about how fast life goes.
One of the things that struck her so much: they had 58 years together and it felt like
it went by like this.
And she said, you know, the average lifespan is 77 years.
That means that you and I, if we live that long – which nobody knows how much time
we really have, nobody knows how many days we will be given; we only know that we have
this day right here, right now.
But if you were blessed enough to live 77 years, that would mean you only get 77 summers,
77 winters, 77 springs and falls, 77 Christmas mornings and that’s it.
And she said that during those years – you know, if you live 77 years – it’s not
always the big things that matter, but way more often, it’s the small things, the small
gestures of love that make the biggest difference.
And so she sent me a picture of the “Love you” note to share with you.
And here’s the “Love you” note that Dirk wrote to Ruthie.
And she said, “Let this be a symbol of the love in your live that’s coming your way,
to know that you are loved and that you matter and that you make a difference on this planet.”
And her encouragement to us was to seize the moment, seize the small moments that we have
in our life to give love to another person.
So my encouragement to you is what could you do this day to let someone in your life that
matters to you know that you love them?
It might be a phone call, it might be a letter, it might be a note.
But what’s something that you could do this day, that you could seize this day, this moment
in time, to let someone who matters to you know that you love them, that they matter
to you and that they make a difference in your life?
And I would love to hear from you.
so my encouragement and challenge for you this day: post a comment below this video
and let us know who matters to you and what’s one thing that you could do to let them know
that they matter and that you love them?
Go ahead and post that below.
Let me know what action you’re going to take as a result of this story in your life.
This is one of the stories that inspired me the most, Project Everlasting.
I have so much admiration, so much gratitude, and I feel so blessed by the stories and these
amazing couples who came out to share how they made love last, and I hope that this
story’s made a difference in your life today.
So if you like this video, if this inspired you, my encouragement is to share it someone
who matters to you.
Make sure you get subscribed to this channel so you can get the latest and greatest videos
about love and life and how to expand the love you give and receive in your life.
And if you want to hear what America’s greatest marriages say makes loves last, if you want
to read more great stories like the one you just heard, click the link in this video and
you can get this book for yourself, for someone that you love as well.
As always, thanks so much for watching.
I’ll talk to you soon.