I feel like I wanted to drop out from the moment,
like I always kind of wanted to be a dropout,
which is weird.
It goes against everything that I've been taught as a kid.
But I remember just taking the bus back to school
after recording at literally five in the morning.
And I remember just sitting on the A train,
going back to school and being like,
"What am I doing?
Like why not just fully do this?"
'Cause I remember thinking,
"Oh, I have that essay I need to finish.
I gotta like do my assisting thing for school."
And I was just like,
"Well, I'm just gonna fully do this.
Like I know I can do it."
So convinced my dad with a PowerPoint
to let me take a year off
and then ended up just not having to go back.
I think a huge part of what inspired me
to write a song like "Space"
was just hearing the instrumental, honestly.
I remember hearing it in my apartment
and then feeling this immediate need
to just like go out and drive around and just write to it.
The first part of it like that vocal sample
really sounds like someone diving under water to me.
So that was like the first concept that came into my brain.
Honestly, it felt like a journal entry
because I was feeling that way at the time,
I was feeling really suffocated
and just like, I'm naturally an introvert
and naturally I love alone time.
So it was just everything I was feeling
while I was just driving around the suburbs of Fort Lee.
I think I drove around like a church like 20 times.
The first thing that I thought about when I heard this song
was being underwater
and I think I've always had like a weird thing for water.
I just think water is so fascinating.
If you see my previous videos
like there's always water involved,
like "Comic Sans," I'm posing myself down,
"Long Night," my ass is freezing in the Hudson river.
In "Space," I'm walking on water.
So I just find water to be really fascinating.
I read this thing that human vibrational energy
can like literally change the molecular shape of water.
You could look it up, it's so crazy.
And we're made of 80% water.
Water just benefits all living things.
What else does that?
Tokens, I thought of Chuck E Cheese.
I grew up spending my birthdays at Chuck E Cheese.
I would always just hoard all my tokens in a cup.
And honestly it ruined the experience
of Chuck E. Cheese for me.
Like I would just try to hoard them
and not even use them on arcade games.
So like, I think that concept was just interesting to me.
Like we're all just trying to like hoard all these tokens,
all these ribbons, all these bonuses, everything, you know?
And I think that that that
can be really distracting sometimes.
No disrespect to all the valets out there.
I don't know, I was just driving at the time.
So a lot of just imagery with driving, I think
just the wordplay of like parking in someone's space,
being in someone's space.
Like I live in an apartment building
where people are relentless about their parking spaces.
It's like a very, this is my space type of thing.
Shout out to all the valets in the world, honestly,
under appreciated.
I'm such an internalizer.
I am someone who like seven years later, I'll be like,
"Oh by the way that time you betrayed my entire family
and like killed my fish in my sleep
like that really hurt me."
Like I just am so internal.
My world is so internal.
So like, "Don't make me the one to say it."
Like, I'm always dreading saying the things
that I actually feel like,
the things I actually feel I think really leak out
in the shit that I make more so,
so this is just me being an internalizer for 15 seconds.
Probably the fucking worst for the people who are around me.
Like I am just, verbalizing is something I'm working on.
I only know how to do it through like songs and videos
for now, but I'm adulting slowly.
I'm the type of person who could literally spend
three days alone at my apartment.
That's just how I was born.
I don't know, that's how God made me.
I just like to have my space.
I'm the kind of person who loves
going to see movies by myself.
I saw "Aladdin," the live action version, by myself,
which is honestly, sounds really fucked up
now that I say it out loud.
I love eating by myself, sharing meals with myself.
I love the hours of like 2:00 to 5:00a.m.
I usually sleep around four
because that's like the golden hours for me
where no one needs shit from you or asks you for shit.
Like I just, I don't know, I just re-energize
when I'm by myself.
It's very crucial to me.
Like I can't function without alone time.
Honestly LA is not my favorite city.
I just like genuine people.
And I just grew up that way too.
Even musically, I think it's interesting
because when you go to a place like LA
and everyone's trying to make it for themselves,
that's like a tangible energy
like a collective consciousness that you just feel.
It's like tangible.
But for me, I grew up in a friend's house making music,
eating the tacos that his wife made for us.
Like it's a very personal thing.
Jesus was a carpenter.
So like I'm the carpenter's daughter.
I definitely believe in God.
I don't know who they are or what they are
but like definitely I have...
We talk from time to time, you know?
I grew up Catholic going to Catholic school.
So my sister's first grade teacher
I remember sent her home at the end of the year
with like this illustrated children's Bible.
And I was super young at the time, just learning to read.
So my first and earliest memories of reading
are like these random miscellaneous Bible stories.
Bible stories are honestly wild.
Like Samson and Delilah.
That shit is crazy.
Like I'm just racked with all these Bible stories.
So I think it kind of leads into my writing a lot.
I think it's interesting that Jesus was a carpenter,
just like such a humble profession.
I absolutely love fast food.
I don't give a fuck, what anyone says to me.
Some of my top include McDonald's breakfast,
The Hotcakes are fire,
Popeye's spicy chicken sandwich.
Chick-fil-A nuggets with Polynesian sauce.
Fuck Chick-fil-A sauce.
I actually have a bottle of Polynesian sauce
sitting in my fridge right now
that my friend got for me from Atlanta.
I'm very excited to eat it.
Being human is just, you live and you die, you know?
That's really it. Like, I'm such a bird's eye view
type of person
where I always think about the fact
that we're all gonna die one day.
And I just think it's so liberating.
I think being human is just this shit,
like just talking to people and bleeding.
Isn't it crazy that we're all on this floating rock?
We're all just stranded on this rock
that's just, and we don't even talk about it?
Like when's the last time you spoke to a friend about like,
"Hey, have you ever wondered how we got here?
Like, what are we supposed to do with this time?"
It's fucked up.
We've all agreed to just not speak about it.
We're like, "You know what, let's not talk about it."
It's crazy.
I tried Taco Bell for the first time in my life,
like last week.
Honestly that shit was mid.
Maybe it's cause I'm scared of orange cheese.
Like I really am scared of orange cheese
and they like just stack everything
with a shit ton of orange cheese.
The soda was good though.
They have like this exclusive soda
that they only sell at Taco Bell.
I think that was the best part of my experience.