IN THE MINDY PROJECT, MINDY KALING PLAYS A DOCTOR.
IF YOU WERE IN A SITCOM, REG, AND YOU HAD TO CHOOSE A
PROFESSION FOR YOUR CHARACTER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
>> Reggie: AERONAUTICAL ENGINEER.
>> James: ALWAYS RELATABLE.
ALWAYS RELATABLE, YEAH.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
WHAT WOULD YOU BE?
>> I THINK WE BOTH KNOW I'D OWN A DELI.
>> Reggie: BE THERE EVERY DAY.
IT'S WEIRD I DO THIS INSTEAD OF OWNING A DELI.
>> James: YEAH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD BE?
PAINTER/DECORATOR.
YEAH, BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT ENDLESS STORY LINES.
THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED THE JOB TO HAVE.
INTERACTIONS WITH OTHER PEOPLE.
PAINTER AND DECORATOR.
>> YOU'RE IN OTHER PEOPLE'S HOUSES.
>> James: THERE'S HILARITY FOR DAYS.
>> YEAH.
>> Reggie: SIMILAR TO AERONAUTICAL ENGINEERING.
>> IT'S ALMOST IDENTICAL.
>> Reggie: YEAH.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: THERE WAS A SITCOM
WHICH WOULD MEAN NOTHING TO YOU CALLED BRUSH STROKES.
FINN, DO YOU REMEMBER BRUSH STROKES?
>> I DO.
>> James: BRILLIANT SHOW, AND IT'S LOST ON AMERICA, THIS.
THAT'S WHAT IT'S LIKE FOR ME SOMETIMES HERE.
WHAT YOU ARE EXPERIENCING NOW IS HOW I FEEL, I WOULD ARGUE, TWICE
A DAY.
WHERE SOMEONE WILL MENTION SOMETHING THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN, I
HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE OF IT, AND THE RESPONSE WILL BE WHAT!
HO HAVE YOU NOT HEARD OF THAT?
AND I'M, LIKE■, I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH, I MOVED HERE SIX
YEARS AGO.
>> I'M, LIKE, IF YOU DON'T REMEMBER WHEN THERE WAS A BANANA
EATING CONTEST ON SALUTE YOUR SHORTS?
>> James: THAT'S IT.
AND IT'S ME GOING, WHAT?
YOU CAN'T REMEMBER WHEN DEL BOY FELL THROUGH THE BAR?
DOES ANYONE HERE REMEMBER DEL BOY FALLING THROUGH THE BAR?
SEE, AND THAT IS A CRIME.
THAT'S A CRIME, BECAUSE THAT IS ARGUABLY ONE TO HAVE THE
GREATEST MOMENTS IN BRITISH SITCOM HISTORY, WHEN DEL BOY
FELL THROUGH THE BAR AND HE SAID PLAY IT COOL, TRIGGER AND HE
FELL THROUGH THE BAR.
I'M TEMPTED TO PLAY IT.
>> WE HAVE IT.
HUH?
ERE YOU GO.
OKAY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> I THINK WE'RE ON A WINTER
RETREAT.
PLAY IT NICE AND COOL, SON.
NICE AND COOL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> James: THE BEST FALL IN SITCOM HISTORY.
>> FOR THE PEOPLE WATCHING AT HOME THEY'RE GOING TO THINK IT'S
TV MAGIC IN HAVING THE CLIP, BUT, NO, YOU MENTIONED IT, BEN
HAD IT FIVE SECONDS LATER.
>> James: BEN TOLD SOMEONE TO GET IT.
>> OKAY.
>> James: HE DOESN'T PRESS HIS OWN KEYBOARD NOW.
HE SITS UP THERE, SOMEONE FEEDING HIM GRAPES, SOMEONE
FANNING HIM DOWN WITH EITHER AN EMMY AWARD OR AN ARTICLE ABOUT
THE ADEL SPECIAL AND HOW WELL IT DID.
LOOK AT HIM.
I USED TO KNOW HIM WHEN HE WAS A WEE BOY.
I WAS THERE WHEN HE WAS BORN, BEN, DID YOU KNOW THAT?
I WAS.
IT'S NOT EVEN A JOKE.
PURE COINCIDENCE.
WE DIDN'T EVEN FIND OUT TILL LATER IN LIFE.
BUT I WAS THERE WHEN HE WAS BORN.
HE WAS BORN IN THE BACK OF A CAB.
>> BABY BEN CRYING IN THAT CAR GAVE YOU THE IDEA FOR CAR POOL
KARAOKE.
>> James: THAT IS EXACTLY RIGHT, AND WHAT WAS AMAZING IS I
WAS ONLY FIVE AT THE TIME.
ISN'T THAT TRUE, BEN?
>> EVERY WORD.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: MY FAVORITE BIT OF
DOING THE MONOLOGUE AT THE MOMENT SINCE WE'VE HAD AN
AUDIENCE BACK IS WHEN WE FALL INTO BITS LIKE THIS AND I CAN
JUST CATCH THE EYES BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SEE THE BOTTOM OF THE
FACE, JUST CATCH THE EYES OF ONE AUDIENCE MEMBER WHO THINKS TO
THEMSELVES, IS THIS ON TELEVISION?
( LAUGHTER ) LOOK, LOOK, THE TWO -- YOU TWO
IN THE TOP CORNER, YOU LITERALLY JUST SAID THAT, RIGHT?
IS THAT WHAT YOU HONESTLY JUST SAID?
>> WE SAID, IS THIS HOW THIS WORKS?
IS THIS REALLY WHAT HAPPENS?
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: WHAT WERE YOU
EXPECTING?
>> I DON'T KNOW, WE JUST WENT TO JIMMY KIMMEL TWO WEEKS AGO!
>> James: AND WHAT WAS THAT MONOLOGUE EXPERIENCE LIKE?
>> DRY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: YEAH, THIS IS REALLY
IT, IT'S VERY MUCH A FIND YOUR OWN ADVENTURE FOR THE MOMENT.
>> MOIST MONOLOGUES.
>> James: THAT'S WHAT WE'VE GOT.
WE ARE LOOKING FOR MOIST MONOLOGUES.
( LAUGHTER ) I WOULD SAY THAT'S WHAT WE'VE
GOT.
I THINK WE ARE THE MOST MOIST -- >> THE MOST MOIST MONO.
>> James: MOST MOIST MONOLOGUE IN LATE NIGHT.
THAT'S WHAT WE WANT TO GIVE YOU, A MOIST WIPE AND WE'LL WIPE YOU
DOWN AND TUCK YOU IN.
( LAUGHTER ) IS IT THAT TIME?
IT'S TIME FOR THE NEWS.
♪♪ ♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LAST NIGHT, PRESIDENT BIDEN HELD
A VIRTUAL SUMMIT WITH CHINESE PRESIDENT XI JINPING, MARKING
THE FIRST SUMMIT BETWEEN THE TWO WORLD LEADERS.
"VIRTUAL SUMMIT."
IT'S A ZOOM CALL.
THEY HAD A ZOOM CALL.
THIS IS TRUE, THE MEETING LASTED THREE AND A HALF HOURS.
IF I'M GOING TO SIT THROUGH A THREE-HOUR ANYTHING
HARRY STYLES BETTER SHOW UP AT THE END IN A POST-CREDITS
SEQUENCE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IN OTHER NEWS, ACCORDING TO THE
"WASHINGTON POST" TODAY THE WHITE HOUSE IS EXPECTED TO
ANNOUNCE THAT PRESIDENT BIDEN WILL NOT ATTEND THE UPCOMING
WINTER OLYMPICS IN BEIJING.
NEITHER WILL ANY OTHER ADMINISTRATION OFFICIAL.
IT'S A SO-CALLED "DIPLOMATIC BOYCOTT" IN RESPONSE
TO THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT'S HUMAN RIGHTS ABUSES.
IT'S A SHAME, BECAUSE BIDEN WAS CONSIDERED A SERIOUS MEDAL
CONTENDER FOR THE SNOWBOARDING BIG AIR EVENT.
I'M NOT SAYING HE WAS GOING TO GET GOLD BUT HE'S IN THE MIX FOR
SURE.
IT'S A BIT OF A MISMATCHED RESPONSE, ISN'T IT?
"YOU'RE GOING TO CONTINUE VIOLATING HUMAN RIGHTS?
FINE, BUT DO NOT EXPECT TO SEE ME AT THE BOBSLEDDING TRACK!"
( LAUGHTER ) IF YOU HAVE TO COMPETE IN ANY
WINTER OLYMPICS EVENT, ZERO TRAINING, YOU HAVE TO UP AND DO
IT, WHAT DO YOU GO FOR?
>> WHAT MY HEART IS TELLING ME --
-- FIGURE SKATING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> James: THE SKELETON AND BOB
SLEIGH.
I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANY TRAINING.
IT'S LITERALLY MOVING YOUR TOES.
YOU KNOW THE PUN I MEAN WHEN YOU LAY DOWN AND DO THAT?
>> SKULL?
YOU WOULD DIE.
NO WAY.
>> James: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I WOULD DIE.
HOW WOULD I DIE?
>> IT'S SO DANGEROUS.
>> James: I THINK IT'S AN EASY THING TO DO.
( LAUGHTER ) LIKE, FOR ME, I WILL ALWAYS FIND
THE SPORT THAT'S, LIKE, OH, AM I LAYING DOWN?
YOU'RE JUST MOVING YOUR FEET, IT'S THAT.
>> CORE SPACE.
YOU NEED CORE STRENGTH.
>> I HAVE CORE STRENGTH, GUILLERMO, MORE THAN YOU THINK.
( LAUGHTER ) SO YOU'RE JUST LIKE, YEAH, I'M
READY, DO IT.
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!
AND THEN -- ( DRUM BEAT )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHAT?
SILVER?
YES!
THAT'S IT!
AND HAS EVERYBODY HEARD ABOUT THIS?
Snapchat HAS JUST INTRODUCED A NEW FEATURE THAT WILL RECOMMEND
RECIPES BASED ON THE FOOD YOU HAVE LAYING AROUND YOUR KITCHEN.
YOU CAN USE SNAPCHAT'S IN-APP CAMERA TO SCAN A FOOD ITEM,
WHICH THE APP WILL RECOGNIZE AND THEN RECOMMEND RECIPES FEATURING
THAT INGREDIENT.
I LIKE THAT THE EXAMPLE IN THE STORY SHOWS EGGS.
( LAUGHTER ) LIKE, "I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO
WITH THIS BIZARRE INGREDIENT.
HOW DO YOU PRONOUNCE IT?
EGGGS?
UGGGS?
EDGES?" THE WAY IT WORKS IS, YOU TAKE A
PICTURE OF THE INGREDIENTS, WHICH LINKS YOU TO A SUGGESTED
RECIPE, AND THEN YOU EAT WHAT YOUR MOM MAKES YOU FOR DINNER
BECAUSE YOU'RE A TEENAGER.
( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S THE NEWS!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF "THE LATE LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY!