I'm the youngest leader in my firm's history I try and implement extreme
ownership and default aggressiveness in my team being so young some of my elder
subordinates sometimes dismiss my directives how do I leave this
effectively okay so I actually hate when I get this question or questions like
this because it means that I've screwed up that's what he hates I don't like to
screw up but when I see a question like this it means that somebody has
misinterpreted the message a little bit they haven't read the dichotomy
leadership for sure and in my opinion because if you read the dichotomy
leadership you'll see that extreme ownership and default aggressive are
supposed to be balanced mm-hmm and so that's what's going on here you got
someone that's like you know what I'm going to take extreme ownership hey
we're doing this my way this is on the boss I'm a leader and that's just
horrible and everyone hates you so bro you're young they don't hate you because
you're young they're not mad at you because you're an experienced they don't
dismiss you because because you are a decade younger than that's not why it's
happening it's happening because you are lacking humility you haven't built up
any relationship with these people you haven't built up any leadership capital
with them you haven't asked them how they think they should do things you
haven't asked them what they've been doing for the last 22 years while you
were gonna middle school right so come in be humble them the best way to gain
respect from people this is what's hard to do this what's hard to understand you
want people to respect you ask them a question
listen to what they have to say mm-hm listen to their opinion they come up
with a good plan use their plan the worst way to gain respect from people is
to go in and demand respect from people is to go in and say I'm implementing
defaults to Chris if he not heard of that you never read extreme ownership
have you I'll tell you what that's the way we're dealing it here I'll get you a
copy so you can read up and get on board with my program these are all bad so I'm
not trying to say you sound just like that but you might sound something like
that and you don't need to be too far off that so
appreciate that you're getting after it but what you need to get after more is
some balance be humble listen to the team listen to what they have to say ask
for their input follow very important that's a little black belt move it's a
little black belt it's actually a blue belt move but blue belt purple belt move
like hey my team gives me input I listen to them mmm we actually you know hey
echo how do you think which I think we should attack this target from the north
okay sounds good why don't we roll with that that's a Bluebell move man what's
it what's a white belt move negative no the white belt moves like hey echo we're
doing this were attacking his target from the south
I'm not got any questions and you're like well I think I could didn't from
the north might be a little bit better that might be what you think but that's
not what we're doing plus I'm in charge because I got
ownership of this whole thing and I'm default aggressive so do what I said
so don't be that guy man try and back off a little bit try and phone dude has
a leader you should be looking at like you're one of your primary goals primary
goal is to form a relationship with your team with the people in her team so get
it done I remember in jujitsu one time Craig
McIntyre great Gregory yes he he he was teaching the move and the move that he
was teaching he apparently got from me and so he was teaching this move or
whatever and you know I sit in their world and he was TV Tatia Tatia Tatia
good thought it way better than I could teach yeah way better
in fact he taught it I simply probably could not teach this move in here and
after he was done he was like hey echo does his move really good to the class I
could I could do you have anything to add to them it was like I know I don't I
don't remember if I did I don't think I did but just that feeling you know he
included me and if you know a man and it was so empowering you know you know it
was you know any in his minor and I actually thinking back and in my mind
like that it that was kind of my move you know yeah what move was it was it
was a card pass move yeah the one I always do to you mmm
haha oh yeah but nonetheless like just how you say like how you asked their
input kind of thing it's like you include them in the thing and that's not
just asking it it's actually receiving it and implementing it that's the that's
the kick that's the closure of the move man yeah that's the closure of the move
bro I talk about like a feeling and granted me and Gregor good friends
anyway but I'm just saying like you can imagine that situation how that how
anyone would feel when you especially if you're older than this little young buck
who does he think he is and it comes to you you're like all hell yeah okay this
guy knows like you know we can we can do this together you know really get that
feeling I would imagine anyway that's what you want to do mister youngest
leader in your firm's history dang congrats on that yeah congrats on
your getting after it what got you there may not get you to the next level what
got you there might have been like being aggressive and making things happen and
steppin up that's cool but if you piss off everyone in your department that's
not gonna work out good for you and they'll start to undermine you they'll
sabotage you so you got to be careful I mean okay is there a possibility that
everyone in the department you got put in there to straighten things out that's
a different question that's a different question let me tell you something else
when you're getting when people are dismissing what you're saying that's a
horrible sign I'm one of the leadership books that we covered the rule was don't
give commands that you that won't that aren't going to be followed because
every time you give a command that that you know isn't gonna be followed that's
not gonna work out good for you it's reinforcing the fact that no one needs
to listen to you so don't don't be giving orders that are being dismissed
if somebody doesn't do something you go hey man I know that I might have come
across a little wrong when I was talking to you about you know getting this done
this product just part of this task done and I see it's still not done is there
is there some support that you need for me is there some help that you need for
me because this is importantly I probably do a good job of explaining why
it's important but it's actually connected to this larger project that
we're doing over at headquarters and this is our part of the task and I don't
think I explained that very well but do you need anything else for me to to
maybe move this along you can't just allow things to be for
you to talk to tree to give directions and they just get blown off yeah like
that's not good wouldn't I what I'm not saying is oh you blew off
my order now I'm gonna go high order on you right that's not what I'm saying
yeah yeah that makes sense too cuz man if I had a boss who I was I was primed
to dismiss any of his directives yeah and it happened and it happened
successfully like it's missed it and there was really no real repercussions
oh you better believe I'm picking and choosing what I'm following by the way
that's not that he's testing the envelope anyway she's testing to see you
know what he can get away with but cuz he sees you're young young one in here
thing he's gonna tell me what to do watch this yeah and listen to you okay
cool now if you fly off the handle and go nuts you know what you'll get them to
do it immediately yeah and then guess what you're gonna
get undermined usurped you're gonna get they're gonna have the project failed
just so they can get rid of you they're gonna laugh at you as the as you're
getting walked out by the HR department so you got it careful man you got to be
careful that's what I'm saying balance these things out balance extreme
ownership get the book dichotomy leadership that's what it's about
it's about being balanced