Let's put my sweet professional psychological skills to the test today
and see if we can figure out some ways how to not freak out. First of all, why do
we freak out in the first place? Freaking out is simply a way we describe
what's happening naturally in our own brain and body. Our brain is in charge of
everything. And one of the important tasks that our brain has is to keep us
alive. Oh, this is good news. Our brain loves us doesn't want us to be eaten for
lunch. Or to be destroyed by some unforeseen danger. So, it's constantly on
the lookout for threat. When we see something that looks like a threat, our
brain kicks us into what we call the fight-or-flight response. You've heard
about this, right? Basically preparing our body to do one of those two things. To
fight in order to survive or to run away and get away from the danger that's
there. When I think about freaking out, I think of it as a response that our brain
has created for us to try to protect us from some kind of a threat. Why would you
freak out otherwise? Now, there's an important thing to understand about our
brain. Because the part of our brain that's in charge of the fight-or-flight
response is not in charge of thinking. That's a different area of our brain. And
when the fight-or-flight part of our brain is active when it's really going
nutso, there's a decrease in blood flow to the
prefrontal cortex. --The part of the brain right behind your forehead? That's in
charge of thinking, logic, problem-solving. All that great stuff that we need to
solve most of the problems that we're facing. This makes sense. If you're being
chased by a bear who wants to rip your face off, probably not a good idea right
in that moment to sit down on a stump and think it through. Yeah, bear chow.
So, to save your own life your brain kicks you into fight-or-flight response
so that you can live to watch another video tomorrow. So, just notice that your
brain is trying to take care of you. But it doesn't discern between a threat
that's real and the threat that's just perceived. We know this because when you
go to a movie for example in the movie starts to get kind of intense and you
find yourself gripping those arm rests a little tightly and your heart starts to
beat a little more strongly and your breathing gets kind of rapid and shallow.
Because your body is responding to a perceived threat from the movie. You're
not in danger. Do you ever run screaming out of a movie theater? No. Because your
brain intervenes is, as well, "Hold on. This isn't real. You paid 8 bucks for
the show. You haven't even finished your popcorn." So, that's what I call the
cognitive override where the thinking part of our brain can calm us down. Now, I
get into a little bit of detail on this because I want you to understand that
your brain is just doing what it's designed to do. How do you not freak out?
I would suggest that you train your brain to chill to calm down to see that
you're not in danger. Most of the perceived dangers come from our own mind
anyway. As we think up all of these things that could go wrong or might go
wrong or probably will go wrong for me and then I get into fight or flight mode.
Practice. During periods of relative calm because we're going to train the brain
this way. Practice calming your brain. I do this through breathing. And this is
the fastest way I know to help get you to that point. Breathing. I know you're
probably thinking, "Dr. Paul, I breathe every day." Yes, you do. Thank you for that.
I'm talking about a special kind of breathing that helps you to calm your
brain. And you can just try this breathing in through the nose a nice
deep breath and then hold. Just let it stretch from a minute. Hold that breath for
maybe I don't know, 10 seconds or so it doesn't have to be
very long. And then breathe out slowly through the mouth. Restrict the flow here
on your lips kinda like you're blowing out birthday candles so that you slow
the flow down. You want to take about twice as long to exhale. As you did to
inhale. And then push it out at the end. Do that for a few times and notice how
you feel. You're going to feel a little more calm. This is good. Because it means
that a different part of our brain is being activated or if you think of it
that way, it's helpful to know, Okay, we can calm that fight-or-flight response."
We can get it to chillax a little bit. Now, as we calm our brain, there's some
other things that we can do with our own thinking that are going to help this. And
first of all, I would suggest that we we get to the metacognitive level. Now,
metacognition is a fancy word. We make up words in psychology because we feel
smart when we do. Metacognition if we break it down, cognition means thinking.
Metacognition is a higher level. It's thinking about thinking. Are you tracking
this? Practicing metacognition. Sometimes we call this mindfulness. People use
meditation or deep focus techniques to try to get to this level. All you got to
do is notice that your thinking and practice observing your thinking. It's
interesting. I have my clients do this in the office sometimes where I just tell
them, "Okay. Clear your mind." In fact, try this. Clear your mind.
This is easier for some people than for others. And there's a lot of noise in
there, I know. But just clear your mind. Watch what happens when I suggest this
next prompt. I wonder what thought I'll have next. Is
that interesting? Just notice what happens in your mind. Now, whatever
happens is fine. And there's no right or wrong answer to this. You're simply
watching to see what happens. Let's try it again. Clear your mind. I
wonder what thought I'll have next. And was it different? Was it the same? I don't
know. Whatever it was is fine. Just notice that it's happening. And now notice this.
For a brief moment at least, when I said I wonder what thought I'll have next, for
at least a brief moment, there was a little period of silence.
Did you notice? Yeah. It's usually really noisy in there. But while you're watching
your thoughts, there's a brief moment at least where peace, silence. It's usually
really noisy in there, isn't it? This is the power of metacognition. As you learn
to watch your own thinking. And this is going to take some practice. I'll give
that to you. Just practice it a little bit. Okay? See what happens and notice
that there's some peace in there already. I believe that the natural state of the
human mind is peace, joy, calm. Let's connect with that. Practices, see
what happens. While we get to that level of metacognition, we can start to do some
other really important things like observing what kind of dialogues already
happening in our mind. Here's a question for you to ask. What is the story I'm
telling myself? This usually requires some metacognition to get to because we
think that the story in our head is just a reflection of what's actually
happening. Let's get beyond that. There is something happening in your life, I know.
But what is the story I'm telling myself about what's happening. And when you go
to that metacognitive level, you can start to see, "Oh, the story I'm telling
myself is that this is bad." Or "I can't handle that."
Or "So-and-so is being really rude to me right now." Well, that's a story that
you're telling yourself. And you're never wrong about how you
feel. How you feel is 100% consistent with the way your mind is
processing all of this. Just notice it. And ask the question. "What is the story
I'm telling myself about this?" When you get to the story, you can introduce the
next question. And this is a potentially relationship or even life-saving
question. "What else might this mean?" We are creatures of meaning. We seek meaning
in everything. And we make up stories in our mind to create the meaning. "What else
might this mean?" is a powerful way for you to call the story into question and
put you back into choice about how you're going to interpret the
circumstances in your life. As we get to that level,
I'll also suggest 2 areas of practice for you. A brief word about practice. It's
required. If you want to gain the skill, that is. My wife and my daughter both
teach piano lessons and somehow they can tell. When these little kids come back
the next week, they can tell whether they've practiced or not. How do they do
that? Well, it's pretty obvious because if the skills don't increase, it probably
means there was no practice that happened. Same thing here. You want to
increase this skill about not freaking out? Practice. And here's one thing to
practice. Practice saying, "I can handle this." If you're freaking out, the story in
your mind is something other than that, isn't it? "I can't handle this." And
therefore I'm freaking out. Practicing "I can handle this." Or even asking the
question, "How? How can I handle this? What will it take?" That enacts a very
different part of your brain. And it's a brain friendly practice that's going to
help put you in a higher level of control. Here's another one. Practice
saying, "This is perfect for me." This is particularly
hard if whatever this is, is difficult, painful, frustrating, annoying. This is
perfect for me. You'll know you're getting good at this
when painful stuff shows up and you have an automatic response to say, "This is
perfect for me." I'm not even sure how this is perfect for me because it's darn
painful right now. But I know that somehow, this is perfect for me. The
things that we've discussed in this video are reflections of principles that
can empower your life. I think you're going to also enjoy the Positivity
Power-Up. Would you just check that out today before you leave your screen?
PositivityPowerup.com. I've got some powerful
tools for you to help you feel in control of you.
I can eat