Hey everyone, my name is Jamie and as of today, I am OFFICIALLY a SECOND year resident in
emergency medicine.
As you can probably tell, intern year is finally over and I am now a quarter of my way through
residency.
As you might expect, my intern year was a lot of ups and downs.
I have never worked so much in my life.
I never knew I could be so tired-- physically, mentally and emotionally.
To give you an idea, I cried ONCE during the entire 4 years of medical school because of
school and hospital work.
In my intern year, I cried at least 4 times AT work!
And countless times before going to work because I didn’t want to go.
In a previous video, I talked about being so tired that I couldn’t even fathom chewing
a bagel after a night shift.
I get a lot of questions like “Jamie, isn’t this what you’ve always wanted to do?
Do you have regrets about going into medicine or emergency medicine?
Jamie, why do you hate work so much?”
And all those questions are valid.
Before starting med school or residency, I would have asked the same questions.
For the record, I do love what I do as a physician.
I love practicing medicine.
I love being in emergency medicine.
It’s exciting and rewarding.
You get to be the first doctor that patients see in the hospital.
And you really get to learn about the community where you practice.
BUT-- the physical, mental and emotional exhaustion that comes with intern year is real and we
need to talk about it!
Graduating from medical school, we were all given an MD or DO degree-- a permission to
practice medicine on patients.
But I think we can all agree that none of us are suddenly equipped with “how to be
a physician” with the degree alone.
First few months of intern year, I remember having absolutely no idea how to do anything.
how to treat anything, how to prescribe anything.
I didn’t know what questions to ask, I didn’t know what imaging or blood tests to order.
I didn’t even know if I was doing all the right physical exams.
Missing something on my part very well could mean that the patient could suffer.
Sure, attendings are there to catch your mistakes but the responsibility of having to make all
the initial decisions really weighed on me.
So imagine that weight for every single patient you encounter, every single shift, almost
every single day.
Day after day.
12 hours a day, often 13, sometimes 14.
And you barely get any time to recover before it’s time to go back to the hospital.
There’s only so much good time management skills can do-- sometimes there is just not
enough time to decompress.
As the year went on, it got easier, of course.
I started to feel more confident and more comfortable with different patient complaints.
I picked up on the routines and questions and orders.
I got to know my co-residents but also the nursing staff and everyone else at the hospital,
which made things easier.
Towards the end of my intern year, it wasn’t such a mental struggle to simply walk into
the hospital.
But for the first 7 or 8 months of it, it really did feel like I was walking into a
battle.
Ready to fight, ready to face the unknown, unsure if I was going to make it without breaking
down or feeling like my mistake could cost someone’s health.
Don’t get me wrong-- there were some really exciting moments during my intern year as
well.
I still remember the nervousness and the excitement of intubating someone for the first time,
or doing a solo central line without anyone’s help.
I also remember the times when I was able to solve a patient’s problem all on my own
with the approval of my experienced attending.
Think about it.
Someone came to the hospital because they really didn’t know what to do and I solved
the issue for them.
It feels amazing to be able to do that for my patients.
As my residency welcomes a new class of interns, I expect that I’ll get to see how much I’ve
grown and learned in the past year.
As I see the graduating 4th year residents, I can envision myself becoming as confident
and knowledgeable as them and it’s incredible.
In that moment, I feel like all the hours are worth it.
All the tears and fatigue and weird sleep schedules… those are what makes something
great out of a blank canvas that I was when I started residency just a year ago.
So in summary, I’m really glad intern year is over.
But to be honest, sometimes I’ll miss being able to say “I don’t know-- I’m just
an intern.”
I move up one year with heavier responsibilities, but I have to say I feel ready for it.
I know some of you guys watching are starting your intern year.
I really don’t have any wise words or tricks to make it any better.
Something I will say is that it’s temporary, it will pass, and while it passes, you’ll
grow to become a physician you can only dream of becoming before residency.
It truly is a privilege to treat patients and learn from them the way an intern does.
Don’t be afraid to say to your seniors and attendings, “I’ve never done this-- can
you show me?” or “I don’t know anything about this-- can I get a moment to read about
it?”
If anyone gives you a hard time about being honest or not knowing something, don’t feel
bad.
It’s normal.
They were all once an intern and sometimes people forget just how difficult it is.
So be kind to yourself and love yourself the best way you can.
And before you know it, you’ll be talking to YOUR interns and showing them how to do
things.
So that’s it for today’s video.
Thank you guys so much for watching.
Best of luck to everyone starting their intern year soon.
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THESTRIVETOFIT I’ll see you guys in the next video.
Byeee!