Are your parents around? Hey, kids. This episode of Live On Purpose TV is just
for you. I'm going to help you know how to convince your parents to get you a phone.
I'm glad you found this video. I'm a psychologist, I've been doing this for 23
years, I've worked with a lot of parents and I know how they think.
Not only that, I'm married to one and I am one and I had too. So I know a lot
about parents and I can help you figure out how to convince your parents to get
you a phone or a dog or whatever it is that you want. Here's how it works.
First of all, are your parents watching this video too? Well parents, if
you're watching, I've got another version of this that you might really enjoy. You
can link to it right up here but I'm talking to you kids today, okay. Because I
want you to understand how your parents are thinking. It kind of comes down to
this, now follow this for a minute because this is powerful. Control is over
here. Control means control over your own life and between you and me, I think you
should be in control of your life. That's what I'm going to get behind, okay. Now I
think you're the best one to do it anyway. Control goes from zero to a
hundred percent so you can have all of the control or none of the control or
somewhere in between, usually it's somewhere in between. Let's
be honest, okay. Down here is maturity. You probably heard that word before, haven't
you? Now maturity just means how grown-up you
are. So an example is age. When you're first
born, when you're a little bitty baby, we'll put birth right over here, how much
control do you have over your own life? Yeah, hardly any, right? Sure you can make
a big noise in a big stink but that's about it so it's clear down here. When
you're a grown up, an adult, how much control do you have over your
life? All of it, right? The adults control everything so we're
going to put that dot way up here. Here's how it works.. Between birth and adulthood,
we have a line where our control gets more and more as we get more and more
grown up so the more grown up you are, the more mature you are, the more control
you get to have over your own life. Face it, if you were an adult right now,
you wouldn't be wondering how to convince your parents to get you a phone,
you just go get one. Now because you're not yet an adult, we got to figure out a
way to convince them. Going back to the model, what we're going to do next is take
age out of the equation. So it's not about age now, I'm going to erase birth and
adulthood in fact, I want you to think stage, not age, stage, not age. You with me?
We're going to divide this into three stages and that's going to make a whole lot
of sense when we figure out how we're going to convince your parents. Now stage
one is the first one, stage two, second, stage three is third. I know,
brilliant, right? Now stage one is the least mature. In stage one, here's what it
looks like.. It's selfish, it's demanding. At stage one, you throw tantrums. Stage
one is all about fighting. Are you getting the picture here? Yeah, now this
is immature okay. 2-year-old's can handle this stuff. How much maturity does
it take to throw a tantrum really? But it's not about age, it's about stage. Can
a 15 year old throw a tantrum? Oh, you better believe it in fact, it gets pretty
colorful when you get older but it's still considered immature. If you're in
stage one, you don't get to have very much control over your own life, somebody
else takes most of the control. Who else?
Yeah, your parents because they can see that you're not mature enough to take
control of your life, they step in and they get to be control freaks.
Have you noticed? Now when we move to stage 2, we stop fighting and start
cooperating. At stage 2, you don't want any problems, you want to keep the peace.
At stage 2, you're willing to negotiate which basically means that you'll work
with people, you know, to come up with some kind of a good solution that
benefits everybody. We call that a win-win solution where you get what you
want and your parents get what they want. See, we're going to work together with them
so that everybody gets what they want. Stage one, you don't care if your parents
get what they want, you just want to make sure you get what you want. Well that
seems immature to your parents and then they get kind of controlling. How about
stage 3? Let's look at that one real quick. At stag 3, three this is where you
are truly responsible. At stage 3, you really care how other people feel. I call
this empathy. Empathy is where you understand and care how somebody else
feels. At stage 3, you're willing to do some service. Oh, here's a really great
one. Stage 3 is all about initiative. Now that might be a new word for some
folks. Initiative just means that you see what needs to be done and you do it
without even being asked. Now does this stuff seem kind of hard? Well yeah, it
seems hard. Only mature people can do this stuff but what's the payoff? If you
can get yourself over here where you're doing these kinds of things, look what
happens to the control, you get to have most of the control. Now your parents
still have a little but not very much. Now let's look at what
this looks like from a practical standpoint. Let's say maybe you're 13
okay cause I know you are and somebody else watching this video is going to be a
different age but you're 13 right now. What stage are you on? Ah, trick question
cause it's not about age, it's about stage. Let's say you're 13 and I'm your parent,
that's a little scary, well just go with me on this and I come to you and
I say, "Hey, Nate. Would you please take out the garbage?" and you Nate, are 13 years
old but you're on stage 1. What would be your response? Yeah, you know, don't you?
Yeah, sometimes it gets really colorful. What do you think I am, your slave? Nobody
else after it has to do anything around here, it's always me, this isn't fair. I'm
not going to do that, do it yourself. I know you would never do
that but some kids who are 13 do this kind of stuff.
I know, blows your mind, doesn't it? How is that going to impact mom or dad? Here's a
little heads-up that I didn't give you before but this is part of the parent
psychology. If your parents are watching, just turn the volume down or something
okay. Here's the thing. It's not about how mature you are, it's about how mature
your parents think you are and if you're doing all of this, no, I don't want to do
it, you're putting me out. How mature do you think your parents are going to think
you are? Even if you're totally mature, they're going to think you're on stage one
and they're going to get kind of control freakish on you. Just saying, okay. Now
let's go to stage 2. Nate, would you please take out the garbage? I'm your
parent right and if you're on stage 2 what are you going to say? Okay, yeah. You
might not be happy about it, might be fine. But then you do it. See, stage 2
is all about cooperation. You're not going to give them too much trouble, you're
just going to do it. You might even be a higher stage 2 where you're like, yeah,
okay sure, right? And you just take care of it and you follow through. This is
harder. It takes more maturity. I don't know but if you do that, how mature do
you think your parents are going to think you are? Right, more mature. They back off
on the control, they let you have more control. Let's go to stage 3. Hey, Nate.
Would you please take out the garbage? Mm-hmm, of course. You're going to do it on
stage 3, right? You're going to take responsibility but there's going to be
initiative cause your answer on stage 3 is, "Oh mom, I already took out the
garbage but is there anything else I could do to help you out today?" And your
mom is like, "What?! Who are you and what you do with my kid?" She's out cold on the
floor right, you're trying to revive her. Come on, mom. Stay with us. Look, when you
take that level of responsibility, when you go to stage 3, not only does it
blow your portal parent's mind, it makes them think that you're more mature. Now
disclaimer. Hey, you can't fake it. I mean you can try to fake it but if you're
trying to fake maturity, how mature do your parents think you are when they
catch you fake it? And they'll figure it out too. Yeah, they think you're less
mature, it works against you to fake this. You got to be sincere about it, you've got
to have that that maturity to be able to see what needs to be done and you do it.
Now what does this have to do with convincing your parents to get you a
phone? Has everything to do with that. Your parents will give you a phone
happily. I know, you think I'm a little crazy right now but I've tested this for
23 years as a child psychologist, that's code for I've figured out parent
psychology. I know how parents think. If you show them stage 3 behavior,
I guarantee you can ask your parents. Go ask them. You know, mom, if I do this for
the what effect would that happen? She'd be like, oh that would be awesome. I don't
know if that'll ever happen. You do this, they'll back off on the control, you get
to have more control and not only can you convince him to get you a phone, you
can get all kinds of freedom as you learn this simple little piece of parent
psychology. I hope that helps. Let me know if it does. Hey, you guys, I know parents.
I've worked with them a lot. I don't know if you want to share this with your
parents but maybe you got friend who wants a phone too.