-Is this on? Hello, hello, hello.
Hello. No. Okay.
-"Game of Thrones" without dragons.
-I don't watch "Game of Thrones."
-In the Ice Age, how much taxes did people pay?
-Richard Nixon, surprisingly, had problems.
-You could experience everything
from a plane crashing into our trade center
to a person who's celebrating a new business.
-[imitating Yoda] The dark side is very powerful in Biden.
-That's a banana republic without the banana.
-An icee? Yeah? That's probably a lot of sugar, huh?
Good to see you.
-These mushrooms had hallucinogenic properties.
-Well, that never happened to me.
-Jack Smith going to Subway is a message to Donald Trump.
-We got to get back to the Trump chase here.
-I'm being indicted for you. Thanks a lot.
-Jesus was arrested.
-His gaggle of crackpot lawyers.
-I say sometimes to a lawyer,
"Are you sure you want to represent me?"
-His weight is listed 215.
-He looks good and he looks hard.
-Fox News throws money at that to make that PR problem go away.
-Ilia Calderón. Uh, uh, uh, Univision
-No one's Guatemalan housekeeper has ever yelled at me.
-Gay Nutcracker and Black disabled Santa
has gone way too far.
-They hear woke, woke, woke. You know, it's like just a term
that half the people can't even define it.
-I can't have a good shower. I can't flush my toilet bowl.
-You've been watching a little too much Fox News.
-There's a lot of weird witchcraft
that happens in New Mexico.
-Hiroshima, "Hiro-sheema."
"Hammas" terrorists, "Kanya," Canada,
United "Strates," "us" equals U.S.
Couldn't have been too impressed with our capital.
It looks like [bleep] -It's a bunch of BS.
-[Bleep] -Dumb[bleep]
-Called her a nasty little bitch.
-This [bleep] is not a game.
-Go [bleep] yourself. -You look like a Smurf.
-You're just scum. -Get the [bleep] out of Iowa!
-Thank you. I'm gonna put him down as a maybe.
-Threats don't matter.
-It was a clean shot to the kidneys,
and I turned back, and there was Kevin.
-You stand your butt up. -Hold on. Stop it.
-By the way, I'm not afraid of Biden. I will bite.
-We're up against folks who'd rather let...
-Reowr, reowr, what? -[moaning]
-My fiancé tried to pull me by my waist and I was like,
"No, baby, we don't got time for that this morning."
-Look at all the beautiful women here,
especially my wife.
-Well, thank you.
-I've been sleeping with a teacher for 38 years.
-Crush ED medicine and chase it with an energy drink
so he could go all night.
-All you have to do is go to a farm in Iowa.
-In your boots, you have heels.
-No, no, no, those are just standard off the rack.
-When are you gonna drop out
and at least give Nikki Haley a shot?
-His verbal skills are limited.
-That's because they don't understand life.
They don't understand
whatever it is that you have to understand.
Chinatown is very in favor of China.
Hey, Al Capone, the greatest of them all.
Gangsters, Scarface.
He doesn't look good in a bathing suit.
Even his handicap in golf.
He said he's a six. He's not a six.
-Joe Biden is very much alive and running for reelection.
-And then we're gonna have to use title IX.
Title VIII, VIII, right, am I right?
[clattering]
I want the press to know that wasn't me.
By the way, my Corvette's in a locked garage.
You got a bug on you. -Oh, thanks.
-It's about machine learning.
And so the machine is taught.
-Shh! -Shh!
-Go find a place to talk.
-White nationalist is racist, Senator.
-Well, that's your opinion.
-Is there an objection? -I object.
-Point of personal inquiry.
-There's no such thing.
-The Department of Homeland Security
has censored many Americans.
-I'm not part of the Department of Homeland Security.
-I want my Republican colleagues to give me one thing
that I can go campaign on and say we did.
-Now would be a good time to respond with some applause.
-Why would you think a fire alarm
would get you out of the door? -Listen, you know...
-[yodels]
-It's not a yarmulke.
-Why won't you resign, sir? Senator Menendez?
-Because I'm innocent. What's wrong with you guys?
-Sue me for having a life. Call me a crook.
Same colleague who's accused of being a woman beater.
-Sorry I'm not making you happy. -The other stuff is --
I don't know why you're touching me.
-I'm not finished. I'm doing my thing.
-Every time I hear you, I feel a little bit dumber.
-You know, granite is unmeltable by blowtorches.
-Yes.
-Ooh, don't do it.
-♪ A long, long time ago ♪
[cheers and applause]
-America!
-Have you spent any time with Mr. Biden?
With the president? -Good God, no.
-He says, "You're not gonna be a dictator, are you?"
I said, "No, no, no, other than day one."
-That was easy, huh? -I need my speech.
-And I never read "Mein Kampf."
-Grazia! Grazia!
-I don't know about you, but I'm gonna go to bed.