- [Narrator] And now a message from the Mayor's office.
- Hello my fellow citizens,
as you know our city has been ravaged by the effects
of the Coronavirus and our administration
has put together some simple and clear rules
for you all to follow,
but it's come to my attention that many of you
are still confused.
So now, clearly and unambiguously
here are the answers to your questions.
One, will schools not be un-opening
or shouldn't you prepare for the end of remote learning?
Yes.
Two, should we avoid enclosed spaces like beaches or parks?
Prossibly not.
Three, is it safe to go to the grocery store and or,
the hot yoga studio?
Yes, and or no, but not
necessarily in that order.
Four, what about mass?
(chuckles) Totally dude, totally.
Five, should I try to remain six feet away from people
at all times?
Un-relatedly, I am currently an astronaut in outer space
living alone. We get this question a lot.
No, answers may be different for none astronauts.
Six, do I need to disinfect
everything I bring in from outside?
How do you define need?
Does a artist need to paint?
Does a child need to laugh or go outside again?
So there, I think I've answered that question with another
more thoughtful question.
Seven, what are you doing to address the pandemic?
Totally dude.
Totally.
What about bars? I'm glad you asked,
bars aren't not to remain open under no circumstances.
So why not go out and enjoy a beer tonight?
Because it's prohibited as I just explained
until now that is.
As of right now, essential businesses like Irish pubs
and flume rides are open for business
as long as no one goes to them.
In case this isn't clear, can you go to a bar?
No.
Good for you, don't go to a bar.
I am proud to announce with the help of a lot of
great work and great team members,
libraries are now open for the duration
of this sentence. I hope you've enjoyed libraries.
We will be enacting a policy of rent forgiveness,
but we will not be enacting rent forgiveness.
Many of you have some questions about what that means.
I understand,
and here come the graphs.
(bright upbeat music)
Great graph work Kendra. Thank you again.
Still confused?
An easy way to see what's going on is to consult
the Corona Threat Clock.
The Corona Threat Clock shows you the current threat level
at any given time. If it's green,
that means you should exercise optimistic caution,
but if it's red,
you should be cautiously optimistic. As you can see,
our current infection level is green-o-red,
a dangerously promising level optious causamistic.
Under this current level,
businesses are maybe not reopened except for some
but if we all follow
the simple guidelines that I put together,
we can turn the Corona Clock back
to red-o-green,
cautiooptimistically optillocious.
And wouldn't that be nice? The way forward is clear,
this crisis demands coordinated action
and universal participation.
If we fail, it will be because of you,
not the strong, decisive leadership
that I have steadfastly considered
maybe thinking about possibly starting to provide.
Thank you. No questions.
- If you have any further questions
about these COVID guidelines,
do not not call the office during weekday ends
from 12 to 12, but instead refer to the website
listed above, or if on Central Mountain Time, below.