you know i used to look at this amazing
fan art and see an amusing parody
apparently this character here big mouth
is called is uh inspired by me i don't
mind it i think it's funny i love it and
i definitely don't want to murder
whoever came up with it but recently
i've been starting to wonder is this a
parody or is it a prophecy of things to
come now a few days ago after my 32nd
birthday i received the results of my
kenko shindan literally health report
you're supposed to get one of these done
every single year because i'm an idiot i
hadn't done it in half a decade now
already i wasn't in a very good place
because i don't like getting older i
didn't want to turn 32 years old the
only upside that i can tell is if you're
a youtuber you do get a shout out every
year from
famousbirthdays.com reminding you how
famous and brilliant that you are
apparently on the 19th most famous chris
in the world after chris tucker and
before chris motionless
get in although always good to take a
website with a pinch of salt when they
get your birthplace wrong by 400 miles
and also up until recently i had my
birthday wrong as well
bring into question the entire
existential purpose of
famousbirthdays.com
anyway according to this bleak and
unforgiving health report i t will soon
be chris motionless check this out i'm
overweight tick
high cholesterol tick high blood
pressure tick a fatty liver even though
i don't drink that much alcohol although
i suspect i know which video is the sole
reason for this health issue alone bmi
28.7 that's classed as overweight almost
obese tick and by all accounts i'll be
dead by the end of this video tick
bloody is actually anything good on this
uh i've got all right i've got some good
we've got some white blood cells that's
good and um
got a nice smile yeah
other than that though it's not good
reading and the doctor told me at the
end that if i carry on on this sort of
trajectory of [ __ ] that i'm going to
need to take tablets in my 40s for like
cholesterol and blood pressure now i
know it sounds like i'm almost cheekily
proud of this like i've unlocked an
achievement get the most cholesterol
award uh but honestly i feel like i have
let myself down uh i i'm not happy with
the state of my health i don't want to
go down this pathway of being in poor
health throughout my 30s i don't want to
be abroad in a bodybag anytime soon and
this has been the sort of wake-up call
that i've really needed for a long time
now now you might be thinking well you
don't look that bad you know you
certainly don't look like this just yet
um important to point out that the worst
things are happening sort of down here
with my stomach just very carefully and
cleverly concealed in the shot also like
all good youtubers i film from a
slightly lofted angle which is more
flattering on the jawline you know as i
always say if you put the camera
right there and film like this then it's
not that good is it that's awful at this
point you're also probably thinking well
cry me a river [ __ ]
you're just eating all the food what did
you think was gonna happen living off a
diet comprised of saturated oil and
breadcrumbs it's a fair point though in
my rare defense i don't actually eat
like that every day these are sort of
rare sporadic videos and not an actual
reflection of my diet because i travel
around so frequently i often do eat out
or go to convenience stores and eat you
know onigiri sandwiches batter instead
of a nice lean chicken salad what i'm
trying to say is it's not my fault that
i'm like this it's japan japan did it to
me
not my own terrible reckless decision
making but it recently came to a head
when i realized how bad it was and like
all idiots with access to twitter i went
on there and had a rant about it for a
little bit saying how sort of
disappointed i was myself and some nice
people came to my aid and said like
jokes like this need to stop and whatnot
we need to stop making fan art of chris
looking like a bowling ball or this
[ __ ] grotesque human totoro but i
have to say like you know i enjoy this
stuff it's brilliant this isn't the
reason i'm feeling sad this is the
reason i'm feeling sad right internal
health reasons truth be told the most
accurate fan art that anyone's ever sent
me was this look at that it's from cd
projekt red there i am with my sword
taking on the trash taste thugs like
looking into a mirror isn't it i like
that why can't all fan art look that
good but when it comes to my health
surprisingly despite doing this
physical appearance is bottom of my list
of reasons for wanting to get fit it's
those sort of physical manifestations
those symptoms of health issues the
tiredness fatigue you know it's sad
looking back in old videos where i can
perform physical feats like climb a
mountain or ride a bicycle knowing i'm
not fit enough to do such things now
recently i found myself turning down
trips with friends to climb the japanese
alps something i've always wanted to do
because i know i'll be coming back down
in a bag how can i climb a mountain when
i can barely get up the stairs
in the past i've talked about japan's
obsession with fitness and how i was
gently bullied a few years ago when i
put on weight at the school i used to
work students would like come and prod
me in the stomach when i put on weight
and my own colleagues would make thinly
veiled comments like oh chris chris
sensei you look like you've enjoyed food
recently it's not surprising given japan
does have one of the lowest obesity
rates on the planet but despite that
sort of gentle bullying it never really
forced me to get fit you know if
anything i felt more inclined to stay
overweight as a sort of act of rebellion
it wasn't until i got a health report
like this in my third year of teaching
telling me my cholesterol was awful that
i actually got my act together and
started jogging and started dieting well
i'd like to say that i'm announcing some
kind of incredible series like journey
across japan let's walk 2 000 miles
edition in reality i'm actually off to
the uk for the first time in about two
and a half years next week let's face it
i'm not traveling all the way to the uk
just to eat a caesar salad
but beyond that when i do return to
japan this summer i am going to put
self-improvement both physical and
mental wellbeing at the absolute
forefront of everything i'm gonna do my
goal for the end of this year is to be
the fittest i've ever been in my entire
life and hopefully not failing in a very
public way i want to share that sort of
process with you guys and you know also
get tips and advice from you as well if
there's a physical challenge in japan
that you'd like to see me kind of
attempt or try or even outside of japan
i'll be completely open-minded to doing
that i'm open to your ideas what i'll
say is i'm quite a goal-driven person
and i think if i set a goal of trying to
climb a specific mountain or undertake a
specific challenge i think that's far
more likely to happen than just saying
oh i want to lose weight you know but
just remember if you ever do want to get
fit it needs to come from within it
needs to be a decision you make and not
because you're being prodded in the
[ __ ] stomach by an annoying colleague
but hopefully with this plan with this
goal in mind by the end of this year
this will have become a prophecy not
this yeah let's do it let's make it
happen hold me to it but for now guys as
always many thanks for watching as for
me i'm off to eat this delicious tasty
bag of apples look at that tasty mmm
apples who needs
fried delicious golden bread crumb
chicken when you've got
apples
mmm happily happily goodness
pretty good actually
apple