- You can't make dairy out of nuts.
You can't.
Cows and nuts are different.
- I'm like a convenience vegetarian.
- Straight up meat eater.
- We did a bacon taste test the other day
and it was the happiest time of my life.
- It's got no lactose, no casein, no gluten,
no soy, no cholesterol.
- So I don't know what else could be in this.
- Doesn't look too bad so far.
- It says it melts and stretches.
- Why do I have to be told that it's going
to melt and stretch?
- Already smells funny.
- Starting to second guess it
now that the smell's coming in.
- Uh-uh, that's not Swiss cheese.
- Oh yeah, it really tastes like cheese.
- No it doesn't.
- Yeah it does.
- Really bad.
- I have goose bumps.
- Blue cheese and like mucus?
- On a sandwich I could imagine
this going really well.
- Like that?
- Yeah, well, on like a meat sandwich.
- I'm so sorry vegans.
- Dr. Cow treenut cheese.
- I'm not feeling well.
Is Dr. Cow available?
- Dr. Cow is a very funny name.
- Nuts?
I didn't know you could age nuts.
- This is a candle.
Someone just forgot to put a wick in it.
- Someone took a lifetime's worth of earwax
and like compounded it.
- That's exactly what it looks like,
and now that's really gross that you.
- Okay, so this actually has a more cheese-like feel.
- Oh man, that smells diabolical.
- It smells like kind of sour.
- This one's way better than the last one.
- No it isn't.
- I am so upset to say that it works.
- I think this one's way better.
It's still a little mealy and weird.
- It really doesn't taste like any sort of cheese,
but it's not bad.
- It has hashtag cheese karma, so...
- Look at this label!
It says follow your heart.
- The liberal packaging really pisses me off.
- I'm with you.
- It even feels like cheese.
Feel this, it's got like a.
- Oh, it got that bounce.
- Smells awful.
- No.
Oh.
Oh, no.
- Mmmm.
Oh-ho-ho.
- The consistency is terrible.
- Aftertaste wasn't bad though.
- Like.
- You know how a trampoline feels?
If you took a bite out of that,
that's what this would be.
- Yeah, zero out of 10.
- Tofutti?
I love these names, man.
This is like my favorite part.
- Oh, you don't know Tofutti?
- I don't know Tofutti.
- Oh, they make a whole line of ice creams,
and other shitty dairy products.
- Actually, this smells the most promising.
- (laughs) Why doesn't it taste like anything?
- It tastes like the real stuff.
- Yeah, I feel like you could fool me with this.
- I think it would taste much worse hot though.
- I could eat this whole thing.
- That's pretty un-offensive.
- Treeline cheese.
Treenut cheese.
Aged artisanal treenut cheese.
- You could probably put this in someone's bathroom
and they would wash their hands with it.
- You know that brand, Crabtree and Evelyn,
they make candles and soaps?
- Smells like play-do, looks like play-do.
- It feels like play-do.
- I feel like if Urban Outfitters sold cheese
this is how it would be packaged.
- This is really good.
- This is a very pleasing cheese.
- It's not bad.
Yeah, I mean this fanta cheese is working out.
- They made tree nuts taste kind of like blue cheese.
- This is fun to play with.
- K for Keith and a K for Hillary.
- So this is artisanal vegan cheese
from a shop in Los Angeles.
- Vromage.
- So vegan fromage.
- It looks nicer than the other one.
- Sounds kind of dooshy.
- Oh yeah, I can put this on everything.
- Oh man.
- I like it.
- Oh yeah.
- Yeah.
- I could do this.
- They'll never get the texture right.
I think we just have to accept that.
- This is a sweet little girl.
Let me taste more of that.
- Were those two bites like a $1.50 of cheese?
- This opened me up to a whole new world.
- I think I'm going to stick to milk cheese.
- We've come a long way in vegan cheese.
- We've got a long way still to go.
- We have such a long way to go.
- I wonder if all this vegan cheese
is going to make my poop look weird.