- All right. So if you saw our previous video,
you know that our DMs were leaked and by DMs,
these are messages that we've never seen before
in our entire lives, but they are from us supposedly.
And we're going to read them today
and we're all here to support each other.
- We're going to go through this journey
and it's going to be painful.
- Yeah. Hopefully we don't cancel ourselves in the process.
I don't know if I'm ready for this.
- Take responsibility for your disgusting actions.
- I'm ready to, I just, I don't know which ones were leaked,
you know?
This one was to Adam Levine
and I stand by this.
"Tattoo idea: rip your dick off."
(all laugh)
I just feel like he deserves some critiques.
- I stand by that as well.
- He needs some notes on his tattoos, so that's-
- Don't threaten him with a good time.
(Courtney chuckles)
- So I sent this to ASPCA.
(Jackie laughs)
I said, "What do I do with my cat
now that the pandemic is over?
I don't really want her anymore."
- Jackie!
- Honestly, having a cat's hard, okay!
There's fur everywhere.
She (beep) every day.
- I can't believe they (beep) every day.
- It's better on your cat than Damien
who (beep) three times a day.
- True.
- I just doxxed his (beep) schedule.
- This was too Fruity Pebbles.
I said, "I'm suing you for stealing my hair's brand."
- Wow, I actually see it.
- Yeah? - [Courtney] That's crazy.
- I think he's going to win.
- Are you allowed to talk about that?
- When you're just guaranteed to win, you can just,
you can talk about it.
- I'm pretty sure that's law.
To Angry Birds,
"Why didn't you guys bring me back for angry birds 2?
Was it because I took my shoes off in the V.O booth?"
(all laugh)
- No! - No! Oh my God.
No!
- It's so specific.
- [Ian] It is comfy.
- I'm happy your comfortable.
- To Trisha Paytas,
"You never miss! Every opinion a banger
and always a take I fully agree with."
- Damn, Courtney!
That's crazy!
- If you don't get the premise of this video by now.
- I can't believe you would have that opinion.
- [Courtney] Yeah, fully.
- I wonder, like, let's just say hypothetically,
if I was to write a tweet for you,
like it would never be this one.
(Courtney laughs)
- To Wicked the Musical on Broadway.
"This would be better if..."
- What did it say?
- "This would be better if it was about men.
#Dick-ed."
(all laugh)
Like Defying Gravity, that could be about a boner.
- Boner! Oh my god!
- Yeah, you have really thought about it.
I was going to ask for it, you already did it.
- Popular, the best dick
- I sent a DM to @Madonna and I said, @Madonna,
"How old are you miss?"
And Madonna replied, "Not too old for you.
Want to come over and swim in my pool,
wearing diamonds and high boots?"
To which I replied. "Yes! Thank you miss!"
And Madonna replied one more time,
"Stop calling me miss."
To which I said, "Okay, lady."
(all laugh)
- I said this to Tobin bell.
"I love your work as Jigsaw in the Saw movies.
Are you going to be at SawCon this year?"
- I didn't know there was a SawCon.
- Tobin replies, "What's SawCon?"
To which I replied, "SawCon deez nuts."
- Oh my God.
(Jackie laughs)
Okay. This one's to Brigeton.
I think I was trying to reach Bridgerton's Instagram.
So I sent this to Brigeton, "Not enough ass."
I think honestly, every show could use more ass.
- As long as it's like clean ass.
- Oh yeah.
- Like no one wants more dirty ass.
- Washed ass.
- This one's to Simone Biles.
"My queen. I will follow you to the ends of the earth.
I pledged my life to the support of your dreams.
I will destroy any and all that get in your way.
I am you and you are I.
Anything you want, I will do."
- Wow.
- And Simone said, "Ian Hecox. Kill Ian Hecox."
And I said, "Okay, I will do it
as soon as I am done filming the video
we are shooting right now."
(all laugh)
I will do anything for you, Simone.
- What did I do to you, Simone Biles?
- Just existing, honestly. - Yeah, that's fair.
- To General mills.
This is, I'm embarrassed, this was leaked.
I said to General Mills,
"Y'all looking to get into the NFT game?
I made a drawing of the Tw...
I made a drawing of the Twix Rabbit
and the Lucky Charms Leprechaun
Eiffel towering the Cocoa Puffs bird.
I think we could be millionaires."
- What's NFT?
- NFT's a non fungible-
- Yeah, explain and NFT. (all laugh)
- Yeah, it's a non fungible token.
- That's the first question?
- They're very valuable.
Listen, just think about it.
For only a quarter million dollars,
you could own the original drawing of the Twix Rabbit
Eiffel towering the Cocoa Puffs bird.
- I know what that is.
I know what Eiffel towering is.
- This next one goes out
to the Los Angeles Department of Transportation.
I said, "Am I allowed to drive in the carpool lane
if I'm masturbating?"
(all laugh)
It's just me and the future kids.
- That's a fully loaded Chrysler Pacifica.
(all laugh)
- This one's to The Great British Bake Off's Instagram.
"Not enough ass."
- I think that is, we don't need more ass in that.
- They're always hidden behind the counters.
- That's your theory?
Is that their always ass out.
I mean, it doesn't have to be raw ass, you know?
I just want to see a little bit more.
- You want to see more cake?
- They give us plenty of the cake we expect.
- But not the cake we want.
- This I sent to official Star Wars.
"You know there's gotta be Jedi's
who stick lightsabers up their buttholes.
You know?
Cause like they're curious."
- Curious? (all laugh)
- "Gotta be one or two.
Show that in the next one. Thanks."
- In other words, not enough ass.
- There's not enough ass.
- This one goes out to the New York Times and I said,
"I have the inside scoop on a scandal
you're really going to want to hear."
To which they said, "What is the scoop?"
I said, "I have there is an event coming up
that is being used to cover up and underground crime ring."
The New York Times said, "This sounds interesting.
What's the event?"
I said, "Have you heard of SawCon?"
- No. No.
- I almost got them.
- They didn't fall for it?
- I don't think they fell for it.
- This was to Doja Cat.
I said, (vocalizing)
- I'm surprised you don't have any (vocalizing).
- (vocalizing) That's probably what I meant.
- Oh my goodness. This is embarrassing.
These are leaked DMS between myself and Keith Leak Jr.
I DMD Keith and I said, "Ugly."
Keith replied, "Hey Noah, what's up?"
And I responded, "You're so ugly. That's what's up."
Keith said, "Sorry man. My fault."
To which I said, "Yeah, it is your fault you're ugly."
- Oh my God! - Oh my god.
Noah!
- You're so mean.
- I've never seen this side of you.
- I thought you were like besties?
- No, we're totally besties.
I just, I keep it honest with my friends.
- To MTV's Catfish.
"Hey, I've been messaging with Adam Driver
on his private Instagram, @AdamsFatBussy for two years now.
And he still refuses to send me a full body shot.
Should I be worried?"
- What was his handle?
Are you still talking to AdamsFatBussy?
(all laugh)
- Yeah. Look, I didn't say I was proud of my DMs, okay?.
- So this one was to Margot Robbie.
(vocalizing)
Now I understand what I was doing.
(all laugh)
Sometimes I just don't know how to say things
to people I'm attracted to and so it's not cat calling
if you're barking like a dog.
- Yeah, that checks out.
- Y'all have never been barked at?
- Oh yeah, I've been barked at.
(all laugh)
- I sent a direct message to Joe Biden and I said,
"I know aliens are real."
To which Biden responded, "No, don't tell anyone."
(all laugh)
- He was writing so fast.
- Wait, wait, wait, whoa.
- I said to Anthony, "Can I have my CDs back?"
- What CDs would Anthony have?
- He has all my AOL free 100 hours CDs.
My AT&T membership is running up so I gotta...
I'm thinking about switching back to America Online.
- America Online.
To ExxonMobil, "Keep doing your thing, baby girl!
Drill baby drill!
We love to see it!"
- Wow, Jackie! - Jackie!
- Jackie's in the pocket of big oil.
- Y'all, I have a lifestyle and a cat to take care of.
- Do you?
- Yes! I kept her!
- Well guys, that was our DMs that definitely leaked.
I hope you guys enjoyed it
because this has been really embarrassing.
- [Courtney] So embarrassing.
- The fact that these were all,
these were all real tweets.
Definitely not written by the other cast.
Definitely not written by some of us
that are sitting here for the other people.
Definitely not written by our writers.
This has been an absolutely painful experience.
I want to know what I did to wrong Simone Biles.
So Simone, if you're out there,
please hit me up.
Or hit me up because I'm your girl.
- Bye!