Hey.
It's Clayton Olson.
In this video, I'm going to talk about one big red flag to pay attention to when you
are dating, whether you are a man or a woman, and also whether you are the one that is portraying
this red flag, or whether you are the one receiving it, this video is for you.
Here's a question I got from somebody who's been watching my videos for a while.
It was a girl who went on a date or several dates with a guy and this is what she sent
me: “Hey, Clayton.
What happens when it is him, the one who seems to be crazy for you immediately after the
first date, he wants to take you here or there.
He wants you to be a big fan of his crappy bands, or sports, or his favorite restaurants.
And then a couple dates later, he's not into you anymore.
He pulls away.
He doesn't want anything to do with you anymore, so he has the right to chase and create expectations
and then just leave and leave the girl with all the question of what happened here?”
Well, although it's a sh*tty thing to have happen, he does have the right to do that.
That is dating.
People get into things and then they change their mind.
Is it acceptable gentlemen behavior?
Is it high integrity behavior?
Probably not and you're going to come across people that are playing this pattern out and
it is your job to approach this in a way where you are also not playing the reciprocal of
this pattern.
What is this pattern that's actually happening here?
Well, what's happening is this man is suddenly wanting to just immerse you in his life.
He's wanting you to be a fan of all of these different things and what it probably does
– what it probably makes you feel is incredibly special.
It probably makes you feel unique.
And here's the problem, he doesn't know you well enough to actually witness your specialness
yet.
So, why is he doing this?
Well, it's because he's not actually in relation with you he's relation.
He's in relationship with a fantasy of what it is that he wants.
He is interacting with a fantasy he's not actually interacting with you.
You are merely a placeholder in which he is interacting with that fantasy.
So, what this means is that if he's the one who's not actually connecting with you and
he's got all these grandiose ideas of how amazing the relationship is going to be before
he even knows who you are, before he even knows whether or not the two of you are compatible,
it's important that you don't fall into the same trap and fall into the same trap is also
buying into your own fantasy of what you think this could be.
Because that's where the problem occurs, it's not that he is necessarily manipulating you
or maybe he is unintentionally.
But you manipulate yourself, when you allow yourself to buy into the same game that he's
playing with himself which is falling in love with this idea, or let's just say, falling
into a trance or into lust of this idea of having this relationship with a guy only after
the first or second or third date.
Now of course it's romantic.
Of course, it feels good.
And it's a beautiful experience but again it can lead to a lot of pain if we're not
grounded.
If you are coming across men that are playing this pattern or if you're a guy coming across
a women that are playing this pattern, it's really important to check yourself to find
your feet underneath you, to find your butt underneath you, and to be grounded in the
present moment into reality [or] into the place where you don't really know who this
person is yet, and you're not going to get seduced by the possibility of what could be
but rather you're gonna get to know this person in a way that allows you to appropriately
open up to them so that you are not creating expectations in your mind that you are getting
seduced by.
That are then the opening for him to end up indirectly or sometimes directly manipulating
you.
So, how do you do that?
Well, number one you've got a shatter and begin to let go of this idea of this fantasy
that you're falling in love with that is a perfect match for what he's doing.
And realize that your timing and moving along at a time that feels comfortable for you is
incredibly important in it’s self honoring.
And sometimes women say to me, “Well, look if he's got this certainty of something and
he's wanting to move things along quickly, I don't want to be the one holding it back
and then him all this and find somebody else that he wants to be with because they're more
open well.”
Here's what I say to that, “Screw that.
Screw that.
If this guy is a high quality man or this woman is a high quality person, they are going
to respect your timing.
And they're gonna want you to feel safe every step of the way.
And if they're too than their own crap and they're taking it personally that you're not
moving as quickly as them, that is a clear red flag that that dynamic of them taking
your boundaries personally will probably play out in the relationship as well and it's just
gonna become a bigger problem that you have to deal with.
So, if you've enjoyed watching this video and you are looking for a way to create the
foundation to create rock-solid relationships in your life I've got a guide called the 8
Secrets To Create A Rock-Solid Relationship that is right below this video in the description.
Click on it.
Enter your email and I'll get it right to your inbox.
Thanks for watching.