- Today we debate: pie… - …versus cake.
Let's talk about that.
♪ (theme music) ♪
- Good Mythical Morning! - Last time on Debate-o-Rama,
- we debated waffles versus pancakes. - Waffles, pancakes.
And I gotta say: we looked at the comments and, Link, I think you won that debate.
- We're now one to one. - And I think that's even saying a lot.
I wanna thank you for your votes. But you're not voting for me; you were
voting for pancakes. It's not about us. This is about the subjects that we bring.
Sometimes, as any good debater knows, sometimes you're debating the opposite
- of what you believe. Hmm… - Yeah. Uh, really?
- I don't know… Not me today, definitely. - Well, I believe this one today,
- and I will say… - Oh, me too.
that we've debated some lighthearted things in the past, but I think it's time
to do somethings that has a little more gravity to it.
- Mm. Weight. - More concern.
- And that would be cake versus pie. - Right. And I'm…
I frame it as cake versus pie, personally.
Pie versus cake is the debate, and I am on the side of pie.
Don't get too excited yet. This is not the debate. We will enter the
Debate-o-Rama in a second, but then then you'll have the opportunity in
the comments to let us know which side you land on.
To the Debate-o-Rama zone!
(whooshing sound effects)
(applause)
- How are the Hamptons? - Great. How's your sister?
- That hurricane. Wow, buddy. - Did you use the restroom? Because...
- I didn't and I needed to. - Oh, psh.
Back there in the green room?
(laughing) Yeah, I sure did. I blew it up in there.
(Eddie offscreen) All right, Mr. Rhett, Mr. Link...
- The fruit was amazing. - …thank you for joining us
- for this Debate-o-Rama. - Oh, you're welcome.
- I'm glad to be here. - Yes.
(Eddie) Link, you're gonna be starting, so please start with your opening statement.
- Oh, okay, so is this it? - (Eddie) This is it.
- About to start? - (Eddie) We're gonna start.
- Okay, can I get my notepads ready, here? - (Eddie) All right. You have 90 seconds.
- 90 seconds? - (Eddie) Are you ready?
- That's plenty of time. Okay. - ♪ (brass fanfare) ♪
- (Eddie) Uh, you [can open]. - Thank you, moderator.
Thank you, Internet. Thank you, Mythical Beasts. Thank you, people
everywhere, whether you love pie yet or not. Search your hearts.
There is pie there. That's perfectly circular, piping hot embodiment
of Grandma's love, freedom, or just plain common sense.
I've got three reasons that I want you to consider right off the bat,
more to follow. One: filling beats fluff. the very essence of pie is the filling.
Whether it be apple. Whether it be chocolate, mm! Whether it be key lime.
That's what makes it -- mm-- the consistency is satisfying, not hollow.
The very essence of cake -- eugh, something's coming out, there.
- (laughing) Lemme swallow that. - (crew offscreen laughing)
The very essence of cake, ironically, is not the cake-like part.
And that's just sad, or disingenuous. Point two: crust beats icing.
A pie crust cradles its filling like a loving, caring, dignified mother.
It does not seek to outshine the child. On the contrary, the crust wants to see
the child excel. Everyone wins. Icing is selfish. It overpowers a cake.
(deeper, raspy voice) "Hey, cake, this is my show. I'm gonna come in here and I'm
gonna spread out everywhere. Look at me. Taste me and taste nothing else.
Sugar rush! Uh!" Nobody wins.
- Finally… (bell ding) - (Eddie) All right, Mr. Link,
- your time is up. I'm sorry. - (Rhett and crew offscreen laughing)
I'll save that. I'll save my third point. That's fine.
- (Eddie) Mr. Rhett… - Spread it out like icing.
(Eddie) It's time for your cross-examination. You have 30 seconds.
Uh, yeah. First of all, (stammering) still on your lip. There's something on
- your lip. You can use your tie. - What is this: intimidation?
- No, you just have a little pie… - I will not be intimidated
by you touching my lip! But thanks for that.
I wanna say that your constant anthropomorphizing of the
- different products is undignified. - Okay.
There are edible objects here. They're not people, and I think my cakes over here
- have been insulted and disappointed. - I think it helps us understand and
- connect with the emotions of pie. - (bell ding)
(Eddie) All right, Mr. Rhett, your cross-examination is up.
It's time for your opening statements, Mr. Rhett. You have 90 seconds.
I would like to thank humanity. You know why? Because humanity has already chosen.
There is no debate here, because humanity has chosen throughout history to celebrate
its greatest accomplishments and achievements with what? Pie? No.
Cake! It's your birthday? Have some cake! You getting' married? Have some cake?
You're retiring? Have some cake! You're moving away? Have some cake!
You coming back home? Have some cake! You wanna hit somebody in the face and
embarrass them? Is that -- No, that's pie.
Cake's accomplishments speak for themselves. Cake has had a number of
television shows, including Ultimate Cake Off, Ace of Cakes, Amazing
Wedding Cakes, Last Cake Standing, and Cake Boss.
There is no Pie Boss. I looked. I did find a show on the Oprah Channel
called Sweetie Pies, but it's not even about pie.
- Really. - (laughing) Cake has a spin-off
of itself. Ever heard of a cupcake? Look at that. This one has an umbrella.
Versatility. Cakes can be make into anything at all. Look at this one.
- This one's got two little clowns on it. - Hm.
Do a Google search: "amazing cakes." Sit back and enjoy the ride.
Do a Google search for "amazing pies?" I saw one pie that had the pi symbol
carved into it and that was it. What a disappointment.
Cakes can also send a message. Link, this one says "Happy Birthday, Lonk."
They misspelled your name. But you can get it to say…
- They also mis-- - …anything that you want.
And finally, in the words of Marie Antoinette, she says, "Let them eat pie?"
No, she said, "Let them eat cake." And that's what you want to do,
- (bell ding) 'cause you're a human. - (Eddie) All right, Mr. Rhett. Thank you.
- Boom! - (Eddie) Uh, Mr. Link,
it's time for your cross-examination. You have 30 seconds.
First of all, pies aren't for special occasions. Pies make occasions special.
Do you know why you use cake to celebrate birthdays?
- Because it's the best possible option. - Nope, because that means you
only have to eat it once a year. No one wants to eat cake
- when they can have pie. - You eat it at everybody's
birthday. How many people do you know that have a birthday? I can see...
How many times have you thought, "This cake is too dry."
- I don't ever think that. - Weekly.
- That's what the icing's for. - How many times have you thought,
- "This pie is too dry." - Sometimes I think it's too wet.
- (bell ding) Never. - (Eddie) All right,
Mr. Link, your cross-examination round is over. Mr. Rhett it's time for your rebuttal.
- You have 30 seconds, beginning now. - You said an interesting thing, and that
was that the essence of pie is the filling. Exactly. Pie isn't even really
a thing. You take the apples out of an apple pie, what do ya got?
And air pie. It's nothing. Listen, ladies and gentlemen...
- What? - …pies don't even exist.
Think about it. You're arguing for something that doesn't even exist.
Chocolate pie is just chocolate with a crust around it. You take the chocolate
out, you've got air. Cake is a thing. Cake is a substance, and it wins because
it is a thing, and pie's not even a thing. (bell ding) It doesn't exist.
- (Eddie) Okay, Mr. Rhett. Mr. Link, it's time for your rebuttal.
- 30 seconds, starting now. - If cake is a dog, cupcakes are like
little puppies clamoring for the attention of some little girl.
Okay? You mentioned versatility. Pies are versatile. Anything you want,
you can put in a pie. You can make a meal out of a pie.
Pork pie, chicken pot pie, shepherd's pie, quiche. Have you ever heard of
- pizza pie, much? - I've had a pizza cake on this show.
What? That's 'cause I made it for you, and it was a novelty.
- And it was awesome, thanks. Yeah. - Have you had another?
- Have you had another one since then? - I'm looking forward to the next time.
(Eddie) Thank you for your rebuttal, Mr. Rhett. It's time for your second
- rebuttal. You have 30 seconds. - One of the reasons cakes are
enjoyed at all these occasions is because of the shareability of cake.
You can cut a cake all kinds of different ways. You could feed an army with cakes.
You cut into a pie and somebody didn't make it right? (spitting) That's what
happens. The pie -- you can't even -- "How do I get this pie outta here?
I don't even know?" You can cut a cake and feed a whole army of people,
and that cake may just look like a dragon if you want it to.
You ever seen a pie that looks like a dragon?
Or a home? Or a house?
Or a building? (bell ding) Or a car? Or a dog? Or a puppy?
- Or a cake? Or a person? - (Eddie) Thank you, Mr. Rhett.
- You can make a baker - (Eddie) Mr. Rhett.
- baking a cake, and make that a cake. - (Eddie) Please calm down, Mr. Rhett.
Your rebuttal is over. Mr. Link, it's time for your final rebuttal.
- You have 30 seconds. - Pies have a quiet confidence.
Cakes are insecure. Pies may be a little flaky, yes,
but they're never too flashy. And look at the meringue. It's like a fashionable
hairdo on a striking model or a Revolutionary War general or governor.
Cakes come across as trying too hard. Do you really have to be that big
to get someone to eat it? Do you really have to write all over yourself to get
somebody to eat it? Give me a break. Just be dignified and confident
- (Eddie) Thank you, Mr. Link. - (bell ding) like pie.
Um, that was great, Mr. Link, thank you.
- It was great, wasn't it? - (crew offscreen laughing)
(Eddie through laughter) Mr. Rhett, it's time for your closing statement.
- You have 30 seconds. - Next time you want to mark
an accomplishment in your life or the life of a loved one --
you wanna mark the passing of another year or Grandma going to be with
- the angels -- - (crew offscreen laughing)
what do you gonna do? Break out a pie and then you don't know how to cut it,
and then it falls out all over itself, and you can't even put
"Grandma, we loved you." Try to write that one a pie. Grandma's gonna die at
some point, and you gotta celebrate it in some way, and you wanna send a message.
- Use a cake. (bell ding) - (Eddie) Thank you, Mr. Rhett.
Link, it's time for your closing statement. You have 30 seconds.
Rhett, where would comedy be without the pie in the face?
- (wet splat) Nowhere. That's why. - The pie ate your glasses.
- Yeah. You see that? - I was actually...
I was looking forward to enjoying that pie.
You see how funny that was? Lemme get it off my computer
- a litte bit. - (crew offscreen laughing)
- That was so funny. - (lick) Extra time, please,
for the, for the, for the mousepad. Here we go. Search your hearts.
There's pie in there, cooling on the windowsill of your soul. (bell ding)
Confident, elegant, comedic, versatile. A vote for pie is a vote for pie-fection,
which is a combination of perfection and pie. But you knew that, because you
- have tastebuds. - (Eddie) All right, thank you, Mr. Link.
Call me when cake gets a chart named after it.
- (Eddie) Thank you, Mr. Link. - In the meantime,
- I'll be enjoying my superior-crusted... - Whoa, that's the time!
- dessert. - Look how well I match this.
- How long will I be enjoying pie? - Who could-a worked that out?
- (Eddie) Please… - Pi!
Is there a pie anywhere in the world that can match this shirt?
- (Eddie) We need order! - Three point one four one five nine
- two six five three five - Look at these clowns enjoying themselves.
- eight nine. - (Eddie) Please, we need order.
Have you ever seen clowns enjoying themselves on a pie?
- Seven nine three two three eight four - No. Clowns hate pies.
- (Eddie) Please, please. - six four three three eight three two
- seven nine five zero two eight eight four. - (Eddie) All right.
- That's how long I'll be enjoying pie. - (Eddie) This concludes our
Debate-o-Rama. Thank you.
(whooshing sound effects) (applause)
- That's the taste of win. - While Link enjoys his pie, you can
let us know what you think is better, pie or cake, and also let us know in
the comments what other things you would like to see us debate, and we will do that
- on an upcoming episode. - You know what time it is.
- (unison) Hi. - I'm Jacob.
I am Matthew, and we are from [inaudible] and now were are in Prague,
(unison) and it's time for spin of The Wheel of Mythicality!
Help us bring back our favorite childhood drink, Clearly Canadian.
Go to clearlycanadian.com and preorder your case and you will be invited to a
- live streaming toasting even with us. - Click through to Good Mythical More,
where we have fun with cakes and pies and the crew and all your relatives
- are invited. - "We're selling a blue tarp."
Okay, let's bring in the tarp. This is our brand new item.
Never before seen. Here it is, right here. Ron, tell 'em about it.
Well, uh, now, I know what you're gonna say. It looks like a yellow sheet of paper.
(laughing) Well, it's a blue tarp. It's your television; you need to adjust it.
(laughing) Uh, but lemme tell ya. It'll clean -- you can put anything on it.
You can paint. You can do all kinds of stuff. It's waterproof. Check it out.
Looks at this. Put a little water on it, (spits) and look at that.
You see the water get through there? I didn't think so. 'Cause if it was paper,
- it would just go right through. - It's like water off of a duck's back.
- Right there. And you know what? - Yep. That's a blue tarp.
If you order today, you'll get a duck's back. So you can test it.
[Captioned by Kevin: GMM Captioning Team]