Ahoy There Tony. Oh hey salty sea captain
hows it on hanging shriveled, crusty, and
covered in barnacles. Is that a new shirt?
I must say it's quite fetching
Oh yeah this is my new otaku trucker t-shirt it's
based on the animations have done that
are you know about this trucker who's
like grisled but he's really into anime
and japanese culture. I too share an
affinity for the animation of the organs
ok we know don't really call it that
anymore but. You know one time the darkest
heart you Indo-China Sea. It's weird i keep
thinking that you're like about to say
something really racist
no Tony the real racist is the ocean
uh well I'm glad that you liked this shirt
and if you home like the shirt you can
click below to find out how to get one
for yourself it would really sincerely
mean a lot to our show it would help us
make more videos and better videos but
for now let's start the show
since the days of cubone we've known
that even just a quick glance at the
pokédex will reveal dark dark dark
truths and that tradition continues to
this day with the new pokemon announced
in sun and moon
let's take a look at the seven most
upsetting pokemon in sun and moon number
one bounsweet is so loveable that its
life is a living hell likely based on an
actual fruit called the purple
mangosteen, Bounsweet is probably one
of the cutest pokemon announced for
sun and moon so far, its description starts
out pretty adorable too. "Because it
exudes a delicious smell from its entire
body, bounsweet is popular with
pokemon and people of the Alola region.
Bounsweet scent has a calming effect
on humans, so many people let them live
inside their homes as a sort of air
freshener." Sounds pretty god dang
delightfull huh? A swell deal for everyone
involved right
no no not exactly it turns out that
there's a thing called being too
loveable I know something about that hm the
entry continues
"unfortunately it's sometimes swallowed
whole by pokemon drawn to its aroma
these bounsweets are actually
swallowed whole
yes that's right they're afforded the
luxury of watching their own innards
digested by stomach acid alive while
they're just screaming "oh my god" and just
watching themselves die but it gets
worse "While running away from other
Pokemon Bounsweet flees danger by
skipping along the ground. Since its
bouncing movements don't convey it to the
others that it's actually in desperate
flight. No one ever comes to its aid." so next
time you see anything cute just remember
that is probably silently screaming
inside begging for a quick death instead
of being consumed and digested.
oh my god Tony honestly what is it with
you and these weird creepy pasta pokemon
for deviantart fan theories of yours. i'm
sorry jared but this is all official lore
from Nintendo it's part of the cannon
it's real and worse yet we're just
getting started
oh my god. Arceus can't help you where
we're going buddy. number two Mimikyu
will do anything to be loved. Mimikyu
may look like garbador dressed like
Pikachu for Halloween but what you're
seeing isn't exactly what you're getting
mimikyu lives its life completely covered
by its cloth and is always hidden. people
believe that anyone who sees its true
form beneath the cloth will be stricken
with a mysterious illness
people in the alola region are convinced
that you must never try to peek beneath
its covering. being a cursed outcast from
society is only a sad thing if you want
to be part of society and mimikyu well
does, a lot. mimikyu wants to be loved so
bad."the rising popularity of Pikachu
style merchandise around 20 years ago is
the reason that mimikyu makes itself
looks like Pikachu in fact this pokemon
is dreadfully lonely and it thought It would
be able to make friends with humans
if only it looks like Pikachu" Oh good another
lonely weirdo that thinks cosplay is
gonna get him laid
believe me brother that does not work
you may have heard of my little incident
back at dragoncon 2002. oh my god dude no
that was you?
yeah i was a dress up like protoman and
my let's just say my Mega Buster went
off everywhere. i'm still not allowed to
be in the same state as Jessica nigri
would you want to haha
cheap shot. yeah it was a cheap shot
cheap shot
she's probably a perfectly
nice woman. I've never met her
she seems, she seems ok. she's probably very,
she's nice, she's great
yeah number three Salandit's everywhere
should be in jail Salandit kinda looks
like an asshole and rest assured they
are
it's bad enough that they have a unique
ability to poison any Pokemon even
poison and steel types. Who were previously
immune to poison attacks.But salandit has
something far more sinister going on.
"salandit females not only release toxic gases
they can also emit pheromones that
attract males of all species including
Pokemon and humans inhaling these
pheromones may cause opponents to be
controlled by Salandit's will" if i'm
reading this right it means that female
salandits are capable of using pheromones
to attract human males to physically
enslave them
nintendo is essentially created pokemon
sex bandits who ensnare and seduce
human men to bend them to their whim
great god that's disgusting
can you imagine having sex with a
Pokemon. Gross!
well I mean except Gardevoir and lopunny
and florges and OH
delphox and uh.. don't forget lapras. The wild
siren of my loins. oh ah ahh ok guys I
forgot that I'm moving out right now bye
lapras huh?
you dirty dawg. The sea can be a lonely
place. Number four Crabrawler has disturbing
implications
I love crab, I think that boxing is fun
to watch
I thought for a moment that crabrawler
might be my new favorite pokemon and
then i read the description "Crabrawler's
pincers are sometimes torn off during
its bouts and they're said to be
delicious"
I'm beginning to see why i haven't
combined my interest before and there's
a lot more to unpack just from how this
is worded sure Mike Tyson maybe kind of
bit a guy's ear off but could you
imagine boxers having their arms ripped
off in the middle of a bout and lastly
the "are said to be delicious part"
implies that humans are scavenging
through the like beer cans and wet
cigarette butts on the floor of the
underground boxing club to find and
devour these crab claws. ah no way dude that
sounds freaking awesome
first rule of crab fight club do not
talk about crab Fight Club second rule
of crab fight club bring butter sauce
wow you really still love fight club i guess
don't you *ominous music plays*
so do you tony I'm your Tyler durden
I'm not real. None of us are real.
I stop kidding around *ominous music ends*
we gotta keep talking about pokemon
number five Pyukumuku is dangerously
dumb
this isn't the most popular recent
pokemon and it's not hard to see why
Pyukumuku looks like a hot topic employee
drew a sphincter on a baby got doll dish
scrubber there terrible! "Due to their
appearance and their lifestyle pyukumuku
are considered an unappealing to tourists
part-time work chukka cuckoo back into
the sea is available at tourist beaches
but no matter how far there thrown pyukumuku
will always return to the same spot
this may seem rude to do even as ugly as
these guys are but it's actually doing
them a favor "Once a Pyukumuku finds a
place that likes it won't budge from it
if someone moves it away back it comes
to the same spot it runs out of food to
eat in that spot
it'll stay there and starve. The people of
alola found this so pitiful that they
developed a tradition of chucking pyukumuku
back into the food rich sea whenever
they come across a thin-bellied Pyukumuku." Tossing
pyukumuku back into the water is kind of an
act of vanity on humans sure but it's
also an act of mercy on a creature that
is so stupid that it kind of deserves to
die. black-and-white too dumb to live yeah
these things are basically just sea pandas. I think
you mean manatee, the sea cow I
eaten quite a few in my time.
Uh i'm pretty
sure that you're not supposed to eat
those was the least of my crimes on that
voyage. Sharon why did you buy that
creepy painting I thought you bought the
creepy painting. I can hear you guys. It
can hear us because it's cursed. oh i'm in the
same room as you. I mean I may be haunted by
the death of my crew which admittedly i
am very much responsible for. I may be
trapped in a painting
But I'm not cursed. I am a war criminal
oh yeah. number six and seven Sandygast and palossand
and are evil incarnated. Sandygast and palossand
are complete horror shows
dressed up like childhood memory "The
tunnel like mouth of a Sandygast can
suck the vitality from people and
pokemon
apparently it's a test of courage in the
alola region to put your hand into a
Sandygast's mouth."
ok I don't get how this is a test of
courage it's not a test of courage if it
means you're assured destruction humping
a running wheat thresher isn't a test
of courage so much as a litmus test that
you're an idiot but stick with me
because there's more "If you heedlessly
grab a sandy gasps shovel you'll fall
under the pokemons control sandy guest
uses its power to manipulate children
into gathering sand to increase the size
of its body children naturally want to
play with sand castles it's a kid
instinct like peeing in the pool or
saying I don't know when you're in
trouble
eventually that Sandygast is going to
become that Palossand and nobody wants
that.. nobody. "Palossand loves the
vitality of pokemon and drags small
pokemon into its body so it can steal
their life force.
It's sandy vortex swallows them up in a
heartbeat pokemon dragged into the
palace and leave traces of their
ill-will behind. It's thought that this
negative energy may be the starting
point of new Sandygast." That's right
Sandygast are literally born out of
balls of hate you could make six Sandygast
out of my knowledge that Sandygast
exist
oh and if the mental image of a Palossand
consuming its Pokemon prey wasn't
enough for you don't worry because
Nintendo actually hired an artist to
draw it out. There we have it an official
illustration of pikachu, pokemon's star
mascot being murdered in cold blood by a
haunted sandcastle
yes deviantart can officially take the
day off.
Hey tony i forgot to mention a
nice t-shirt
oh thanks it's dorkly's OC Otaku
trucker you can click to watch one of
the videos he's in here or you can click
to subscribe or you can click to uh find
out where to buy one of these bad boys
for yourself and put it on your body. Hey and uh
as a special offer if a million people
buy the t-shirt I'll go away forever
oh no all the money ah the I increased production
budget ahh