To prove I could handle owning my dream pet,
I first had to look after a series of other creatures, each one bigger than the last.
Ok. Let's start with the dream pet shall we, that we're working towards.
Ok, what's the dream pet? The dream pet was a lizard. Woah.
I would've picked a bigger dream pet than that. Well you'd have to wouldn't you.
What was the sequence of animals you had to work up to?
So, I started off with woodlice.
Woodlice?
They make a lovely pet.
Basically what happened was, my mum said 'You can't have a lizard,
you need to prove-'. How big was your lizard that you were hoping for?
One that could like fit on my forearm. Like that.
That big? An iguana?
Yeah, something like that.
You're not thinking of a crocodile. No-
So my parents were like 'If you want to get a lizard,
you've obviously got to prove that you can look after animals'.
And how did you prove with the woodlouse that you were a responsible owner?
I had to just look after them for a week and keep them alive for a week.
How did you do that with a woodlouse?
Just let them get on with it. Turns out they're pretty good, they can look after themselves.
So you took a woodlouse from under a stone- A log. Under a log.
Are you sure it wasn't a vlog?
What are you doing?
Writing that joke down.
So you took the woodlouse and what did you put it in?
In a little plastic container.
With food or with? Bits of the log, bit of grass, that kinda thing.
Sounds like louse-y accommodation.
Don't write that one down, Rob.
At the end of the week, it was still alive? Yep.
And your parents said 'Great, it's time to upgrade to a..'
Stick insects.
Where did you find that?
So my cousin had some, and I was really jealous of them, I really liked them.
So he gave me some of his. And then I looked after them for a bit.
How did you look after them?
I had like an empty lollypop jar.
What had to happen to the woodlouse though?
I forgot about- they were actually quite boring pets. They don't do a lot.
Not very affectionate, are they?
It wouldn't be better if they were.
Go into the garden and all the woodlice are bounding up to you, trying to lick your face.
That's the thing.
How long did you have to keep these stick insects alive?
Just for another week. And then at the end of that week?
This is where it all changed. So then was my first trip to the pet shop.
A horse?
I then got two giant African land snails to look after.
And that was a whole different ball game.
You're gotta keep them moist at all times.
So you've gotta make sure it's warm and wet, cause they like that.
That's when they're the most active.
So what did you keep them in?
A big container, like a big-
what you put stuff in and put it under your bed. What's it called?
A drawer. That's it. One of those plastic-
A lovely hot, wet drawer.
Did you give these land snails names?
I did yes: Stanley and Shelly.
Oh Shelly. I like that.
Shelly 'cause of the-
write that one down Rob.
You may be good at dancing, but I'll decide which jokes make my book.
What did you- what was the next step after the snail?
The next step would've been the lizard,
but it's the fact that I had these snails for so long.
I just got bored of wanting any pet.
It made me realise that maybe I'm not ready for any pet.
Very good parenting. Yeah.
Literally waiting for the snails to die put you off the lizard.
Alright, what do you think? It sounds believable.
It sounds believable. I think it's true.
You think it's true.
So Joe, were you telling the truth then, or were you telling a lie?
It is in fact..
True.