- I'm, for no reason at all whatsoever,
just gonna eat my way through Disneyland today.
I am armed with antacids
because this is gonna be a heartburn-inducing journey.
Stay tuned, I guess.
I might die.
This gorgeous and thicc dill pickle
is just a thing of beauty.
It's also really cold
and now I have pickle brain-freeze.
It tastes like my childhood.
I don't know why my childhood tastes like pickles,
but it's so good.
We're going to get a churro at the castle,
which is the pinnacle of Disney food.
(hip-hop beat)
There's cinnamon up my nose.
It's really good, though.
This tastes like if you had a box
of Cinnamon Toast Crunch but heated it up first
and ate it on a hundred-degree day.
Highly recommend.
I'm about to eat grey stuff (laughs)
of "Beauty and the Beast" "grey stuff" fame.
- [Lumiere] ♪ Try the gray stuff ♪ ♪ It's delicious ♪
- [Tess] This is the Grey Stuff Twist.
A little unclear as to what's happening here.
I just feel the urge to smell it
because it doesn't look so nice.
This is like if you dipped undercooked Pillsbury dough
that you've rolled in Oreos
into pudding.
It's not a bad thing.
I'm just gonna chase that grey stuff with a little
Red Rose Lemonade Freeze,
which is so much prettier than anything I've ever seen.
We're walking into Adventureland.
At this little tiki stand behind me
is the home of the famous Pineapple Dole Whip,
which is what we're gonna do right now.
This is so famous.
I feel like I'm in the presence of a celebrity.
I don't even wanna eat it with a spoon,
I just wanna go right in.
Oh, it's so good!
Eat it on every 90-degree day for the rest of my life.
Despite the fact that I feel vaguely like vomiting (laughs),
we are going to order a Mickey Mouse pretzel right now.
If you could just hold on for a minute,
there is a band so rudely interrupting my
gluttonous Disney eating.
No, I'm just kidding, it's magical and great.
(band playing)
- If I vomit, will you include it in the video? (laughs)
We just got a three-pack of Mickey bignets.
Insider tip - I'm told: In order to evenly distribute
the sugar - because, God forbid, that sugar goes to waste -
you've just gotta shake it up a little bit.
(gasps) They're really cute!
I would just like the start by saying this is burning hot,
which is absolutely something that should not exist
in this park at this point in time.
Anyway, he's powdery, sugary, and delicious
and I really do love him.
He's also hot as (beep), though.
(blows raspberry)
So we're here, about to get creamy clam chowder
in a sourdough bread bowl,
because, even on a day like today,
I'm told it's a must-have here in Disney.
It's looking pretty dense in there.
(hip-hop beat)
It's so good.
It tastes like bacon and cream
and all the things that good New England
clam chowder should taste like.
Can I please have the Mickey ice cream sandwich?
(stately music)
It's so great!
It's like an ice cream sandwich
but it is lodged in between my every tooth.
Can I just get one corn dog, please?
I don't mean to be dramatic,
and I also have no gauge for how
the normal width of a corndog -
the girth on this feel very large.
That's dirty, I shouldn't say that at Disney.
Can you look away?
It doesn't feel right to make direct eye contact
while I'm doing this, but --
Can I please have one of the Minnie Ears candy apples?
I'm told you can't come to Disneyland
and not have a candy apple.
Not only is this extremely heavy,
but I already found sprinkles up my nose
and I haven't even taken a bite yet.
Oh, God! (laughs)
I just tried to sink my teeth through many layers
of miscellaneous sweet things and I literally
couldn't even get to the apple.
I got it!
Sticky...
And sweet!
So, straight off that candy apple debacle,
we're gonna go get a Matterhorn macaroon,
which has some kind of candy snow-type thing
and coconuts and whatever
and it sounds sweet.
(electronic music)
We came here with the intention of only walking away
with a Matterhorn macaroon - which, by the way
is extremely heavy and also looks like if
my mom set Rosh Hashanah on fire.
I said, "It looks a little bit like if my mom
just melted Rosh Hashanah.
(laughs) Do you know what I'm talking about?
She's gonna see this and won't be happy.
It's fine.
There is super dense coconut to the face.
It tastes like Passover, not Rosh Hashanah.
Yet another thing that's just all over me
the second I take a bite.
(stately music)
So now that we're deep into this Disney dive,
I feel like we I've realized that the best way
to get into these is just to bite from the top,
so I might do that, no matter how ridiculous it looks.
Oh, that wasn't good.
Instead of when you split the Oreo in half and you
eat each half, that's when you just go right in
and it's just too much.
Look at that!
That's - oh my God, what's in the middle?
Lemon curd?
Passionfruit?
Yes, it is a known thing that unicorns poop
passionfruit flavored, so that makes sense.
So I know I said I was only gonna stick to Disneyland
and eat everything there,
but Pixar food - how could I possibly resist?
(hip-hop beat)
Tastes radioactive.
I mean, it literally tastes like it looks.
This cookie is so large and deep,
it's a little intimidating from the outside.
I'm ready to make a mess with it.
It's like if a deep dish pizza were a cookie.
It's so rich!
This is a one-and-done kind of deal.
I mean, probably not, I'll eat more.
(hip-hop beat)
Alright, I need a quick protein break.
I don't know that I have it in me
to get a giant turkey leg so here we are.
It's spicy and super meaty
and I've honestly never felt less attractive
in my whole life than when I was just taking
a bite of that chicken leg right now.
If it were 2 am and I could choose anything to eat
in the entire world,
this would be it.
I am quite literally dripping -
all the things, but chicken juice included.
I don't care,
I don't care.
(mariachi music)
This is it, we've made it to the end.
Just gonna have a Señor Buzz churro
and then I'm probably gonna die.
It smells as scary as it looks.
If you melted down a million Red Hots and then
just coated a churro in them, I guess.
I'm scared I might have an ulcer.
Oh God!
Oh, it hits you in the back.
I thought I was fine and now I'm not.
It tastes like Red Hots.
At this point in time, I have eaten just about
everything there is to eat here.
I have the battle scars in the form of
chicken juice to prove it.
I'm just gonna go lie down somewhere,
maybe on a ride, maybe right here in the street.
(laughs) I don't know.
(mariachi music)